Heart of Darkness

Oh pain, what have I done

To make you my companion 

Having you around is no fun

I want you gone

Rayven opened his eyes slowly, the lights greeting him with their warmth. But right now, all he wanted was to feel cold. To feel numb. Why did he wake up? He wished he had never opened his eyes again. 

Skender sat next to the bed in a chair and Acheron on a coach in the corner. He was falling asleep when he saw that Rayven had woken up. 

Skender loomed over him with a worried expression. "Rayven, you worried me." He said, breathing out in relief.

Acheron came to his side as well. "What did she do to you?" 

Rayven saw anger in Acheron's eyes. The man never showed anger unless he was hungry. Opening his mouth, Rayven tried to speak despite his extremely dry mouth and throat. The words cut through him, causing him to grimace in pain, but he could barely be heard. 

Acheron hurried away to bring him water. 

Pushing himself up with his arms, Rayven tried to sit, but almost cursed when his healing skin rubbed against the sheets. He realized they had undressed him and taken care of his wounds. 

Acheron handed him the glass of water and Rayven gulped it down at once. The cold against his throat made him want to feel the same on his body.

Both Acheron and Skender watched him with concern. 

"What is wrong?" Rayven asked. 

"You were sleeping for a week." 

A week? That couldn't be possible, but when he looked down at his body and saw how his wounds were healing, he believed them. 

Why would he be sleeping for a week? He had been through worse than this and woke up the next day. 

Rayven pushed the blankets aside to get out of bed. "You should rest some more," Skender told him. 

"Who has been training the boys?" Rayven asked. 

"Zarus has been training them," Acheron replied. 

Rayven looked outside the window. It was early morning, so the boys would soon arrive for their training. He went to look for clothes while Skender and Acheron watched him in silence. He got dressed and left the room in a rush. 

He could hear Acheron telling Skender "leave him. He needs the distraction." 

Distraction? What could make him forget the misery he lived in? It would be enough to arrive at the backyard where the boys waited and cause them to gasp at his hideous face to be reminded of who he was and what he looked like. 

It didn't matter. 

He was used to people staring at him, whispering about him and gasping at the sight of him. Only the reason was different now. 

When he arrived in the backyard, just as he expected, the boys were horrified to see him in the state he was in. If they had only seen his whole body. His clothes covered most of his wounds. 

"Welcome back, Lord Rayven." Lazarus, who was already there to train the boys, greeted him. 

"I can take it from here," Rayven said. 

Lazarus smirked. "Of course you can. Just avoid the sun." He patted him on the shoulder and left him with the boys. 

"Welcome back, Lord Rayven," some of them greeted. 

Rayven squinted his eyes, feeling the sunrays burn through his lashes. His skin began to itch, but he ignored it and went to instruct the boys. 

Time went by slowly as he showed the boys different techniques and taught them his skills. He just wished for the day to end, the month and all the years. He wanted his life to end. 

What was wrong with him? He wasn't someone to drown in self pity. He should just go back to accepting his fate and stop complaining. 

When the evening came, he sent the boys away but as usual, William stayed. Rayven watched him in silence, thinking of how his punishment kept this boy's father alive. 

William went to put his wooden sword back in the box when he was satisfied with his training, then he came up to him. 

Why? Why pester him? Rayven wasn't in the mood to behave appropriately. He felt like tearing apart anyone who spoke to him, especially this boy. 

"My Lord, I am glad you are back," he said. 

"Was Lord Quintus terrible?"

William smiled. "No, I am just used to having you training us," he shrugged. 

Then he looked at his face, not with disgust or any other feeling Rayven could distinguish. "It seems like you got hurt again," he said. 

Again? It seemed like the boy paid attention to his scars. No one looked at him long enough to notice. 

William reached inside his pocket and pulled out a little box. "My sister mixes herbs to help heal my wounds. Look," he said, showing him his healed fists. "I am healed now. You can have it." 

He held out the box, but Rayven slapped it out of his hands. William was startled, but only for a brief moment before he went to pick up the box. Then he came back to him. 

"It is alright. I get angry too when I don't get enough sleep because of my nightmares. I took your advice and began to read. Now I sleep a little better." 

What a way to make him know he was terrible and make him feel good at the same time. Rayven was amused, even in his bad mood. 

When he said nothing, William gently put the box beside him. "Have a good evening, My Lord." He bowed and left. 

In the shade of the tree, Rayven rested his back against its trunk. He blocked his mind from any thoughts and emotions and only focused on the pain caused by his wounds. After a while, when he was sure that he was feeling nothing but pain, he stood up and returned to the chamber where he had been resting earlier.

He put the box of herbs on the table before letting himself fall into the bed. Wait! Did he bring the box with him?

He took it and decided to throw it out through the open window, but halted halfway. He dropped his hand and looked at the box. It was made of wood and had a painting of a leaf on the lock. Just when he was about to open it, the door to the room flew open. Lazarus stood at the entry with a smug look on his face. 

"I think I am becoming more human and using the door," he said, with Acheron and Vitale trailing behind him. 

"Except humans don't come uninvited and they knock first," Rayven spoke in a bitter tone. 

"Are you saying I am not invited?" He pretended to be hurt as he came to sit on the other end of the bed. He swung his legs up the bed, still wearing his shoes. "I took care of your children while you were sick." 

Children? The boys were far from being his children. He couldn't imagine himself being a father. How unlucky his child would be. 

Blayze arrived, but not through the door like the others. "You are alive," he said. 

"Sadly." Rayven replied and Blayze smirked. 

"Is Skender busy?" Vitale asked. 

"Yes. He is busy doing nothing." Blayze said, causing Lazarus to laugh. "We do the work, he gets the praise. He doesn't do the work, we get the punishment." 

Blayze had never concealed his dislike of their newest member. Skender. The one who was punished for the shortest amount of time amongst them. He still had that light of hope left in his eyes, but soon, after many years of being punished like them, he would lose hope as well. 

If Lucrezia wanted to save someone, she should save him. Rayven was beyond saving. The punishment was supposed to make him a better person, but he only got worse. His heart remained dark and his body remained cold. 

He was nothing but a waste of space right now. He was better off dead.