Heart of Darkness

Rayven and Angelica spent hours talking about everything and nothing. It had been so long since Angelica had been able to talk about her feelings with someone. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to say what was on her heart and not just her mind. Rayven also told her many things that he had never told her before. Things that were painful to talk about. He was just like her in many ways. Carrying many memories and emotions and not expressing them because they weren't used to doing it, nor did they have someone to talk to. Now they had each other. 

But they did not only talk about the past but also the future. About things they dreamed about or were hopeful about. Rayven only wanted to live with her. He wished for nothing else. 

Angelica smiled. "Nothing else at all?" She asked. 

He shook his head. "I already have everything." 

Everything? Did he not want children? She expected a man to expect from her to bear him children. She already had this expectation and had prepared herself when she agreed to marry him. At that time, the thought was so frightening she avoided it. She had not wanted to have children who would be mocked and shamed because of her, even if she always wished to have a family. 

Now, she wasn't afraid anymore. She had Rayven by her side and he would raise their children with her and teach them to be strong. The thought filled her with joy until she thought of Constantine and her happiness chattered. 

"What do you want?" He asked her knowing that she was thinking of something.

Angelica prepared herself to lie but then she couldn't. "Children," she whispered. 

Rayven stiffened and an eerie silence followed her reply. "Did he not want children? What man didn't?" 

"You… you want children?" He asked surprised. 

She pulled back and glanced up. He looked a bit frightened and she couldn't understand why. 

"You don't want to?" she asked him. 

He blinked a few times. "I… I…" 

Oh no! He didn't but how would he avoid that? 

"If you want to," He finally said. 

Angelica felt a bit sad. She thought he would be excited.

"You don't like children?" 

His eyes darted as if trying to find the right words. Then he gave up and sat up with a sigh. "Alright. Truth is, children scare me. Small fragile things running around and if they were other people's children I wouldn't mind but my own! How?" He sounded frustrated. "How am I supposed to treat them? And… I can't be a father. I don't know how a father is supposed to be." 

"Oh, Rayven." Angelica sat up as well and rested her head on his arm. She didn't know whether to laugh or be sad. "You will be great, I am sure." 

"Angelica," he sounded even more worried. "Demons are not as productive as humans. I never thought about you wanting children." 

"It is alright," she told him now feeling bad about what she said. 

He turned to her. "I will do anything for you. If you want children, I will do my best to give you as many as possible." 

Angelica chuckled with a blush. It was supposed to be the opposite. Her saying this to him. 

He wrapped his arms around her again and pulled them down to bed. Angelica closed her eyes and eventually fell asleep. She had worried that now after getting over her fear of fangs, she wouldn't have anything to trigger her past memories and give her answers. But she was wrong. Even after the pleasant conversation with her husband, she still had nightmares. 

"Stay away from my son! He can't help you. He is not supposed to." 

Angelica found herself as Ramona again in the dream and the lady who spoke to her was the King's mother. 

"What do you mean my lady?" Ramona asked. 

"You are a prophetess. You care about the well-being of people. My son can never release his power into the world," his mother said. 

Ramona was confused. "but he is a defender. Isn't that what he's supposed to do?" 

"Not all defenders defend and not every power is used for the good. Not every power can be controlled so when that power controls you, you're not a defender anymore. You become a destroyer." 

"Skender will become a great king one day. A good ruler." Ramona said. 

Suddenly she was somewhere else and she was packing her clothes into a sack. 

"Where are you going? It's dangerous out there for you."

"I can't stay locked in your home forever, Skender." 

"We will find a way. You won't be locked in here forever." He promised. 

"I will find a way myself. I don't need your help anymore." She said now pushing the clothes into the sack forcefully. 

Skender frowned. "I want to help. You're the only one I have left. I don't want to lose you." 

Ramona sighed and then turned to him. "And I don't want to be here. I want my freedom. You should go to the demon world and live there and I will find a way to live in my world." 

"Why are you talking like that?" 

"I'm just speaking the truth. We can't keep avoiding our fate. You have to let me leave now." 

The scene changed again and Angelica found herself riding a carriage. The carriage stopped and the door opened. The hand of a man took hers, the clawed fingers wrapping around her. Once she stepped down she looked up and met a pair of green eyes shaped like a cat. 

"I'm glad you changed your mind. You made a good decision." The man spoke. He took the sack from her. "Now with your help, I will destroy him." He smiled showing a pair of sharp fangs that glistened under the moonlight. 

Angelica shot her eyes open finding herself pressed against Rayven's chest. She parted her lips to let in a deep breath. 

Destroy who? 

A feeling of uneasiness settled in her chest. She did not like this dream. It could not mean what she thought it meant. 

Him? 

It couldn't be him. Ramona would not do that to him. 

If it was what she thought, then it was bad. But again, if Constantine was after Skender then why didn't he do anything all those years. Certainly, if he was so desperate, then he would have tried other ways. And what was happening with Constantine and Ramona? Did he torture her after she agreed to help him? He lured her? 

These dreams created more questions than answers. After pondering on it for a while, she felt tired of being in bed. Getting up, she stretched her sore limbs. It felt like she had only been sleeping the last few days and spending too many hours in bed. 

She decided to go for a walk around the house. She had already seen most of it. Nothing looked like what she had imagined it would. She thought the demon world would be a dark place with bats and caves but it wasn't. 

As she walked around the house she suddenly missed home. She missed working in the garden, helping Sarah make some food, having some tea with her in the afternoon, spending time in the library reading books, and even just the dark mystical atmosphere of the castle. It was indeed a special castle.

Rayven had told her that he chose to live there the moment he saw it and even though his reason might have been different, he must have felt something when he saw it. She remembered watching the castle from the window of her room, sometimes wondering what the inside looked like. Now she lived there and as she made changes and watched it become a home, she loved it. 

Angelica also missed William. There was a stabbing of guilt in her heart every time she felt happy knowing that her brother was living in different circumstances. She felt like she couldn't be happy when he wasn't. As she sighed loudly, two strong arms suddenly came around her from behind. 

"What is bothering you?" 

Angelica shook her head. "Nothing. I was just thinking of home." 

"You miss the old dark castle?" he asked surprised. 

"I miss our home," she said placing her hands on his arm. 

"Our home," he repeated as if liking the word. 

"Yes. Our home." 

"Then shall we go back? We can sit near the fire and I will read for you."

Angelica smiled, "that sounds like a good idea." Nothing was better than listening to a story near the fireplace. But then suddenly she remembered Lucrezia's invitation to the mating ceremony.. Maybe they should only go back after that.