Heart of Darkness

Lucrezia stood beside the bed Roxana was sleeping in. Since she couldn’t know what Skender was thinking, it was difficult for her to decide what to do. She didn’t know which option would be the best. Since Skender was more patient perhaps he was more resilient as well so it wouldn’t be enough to use small tricks on him like Rayven. He wasn’t quick to react to his emotions. She would have to make a careful decision here.

She paced back and forth, thinking of a different idea, and then she gave up and called her sister. Luciana arrived quickly.

“I need your help,” Lucrezia said.

“I guessed so.”

“It is about Skender.”

“He didn’t give in yet?”

“No.”

“I thought you said he had a rogue demon.”

“He does. Oddly he seems to be in control of it so far.” Which meant he was more hurt than she expected. His fear and pain were now stronger than his hunger. As much as she wanted him to give in, she wanted him to do it when he was ready emotionally or he would only push Roxana away. Just like he did with the kiss. Now she wanted to escape more than ever.

“I am guessing… that is a good thing?”

“It is. It should be at least. It is just that every good comes with some form of bad. I really don’t know what to do in his case.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t do anything.” Her sister said.

“Maybe.”

“Surprising that she hasn’t accidentally revealed herself yet.” Luciana nodded toward Roxana.

“Well, somehow she did. Lazarus arranged for it but Skender is only going to pretend it never happened. Her being a man put some kind of barrier between them and makes it easier for him to control himself.”

“Then shouldn’t you remove the barrier?” Luciana wondered.

“Oh, that I will. When the right time comes.” If she removed the barrier too early or at the wrong time, Skender would send her away and if he found out that she happily moved on then he would prove himself right.

“So what do we do now?”

We? Lucrezia chuckled.

“Maybe as you suggested, we do nothing.” She was thoughtful. “Yes, we do nothing, at least while they are here.”

**************

Roxana woke up with the worst headache. The sound of armor and weapons and the chatter of guards made her groan in pain. She rubbed her swollen eyes and looked around with squinted eyes.

“Rox. You are finally awake. Hurry, we are leaving.”

“Where?” She croaked.

“Back home,” Gary said.

Home? Roxana was utterly confused.

“Seems like you had too much to drink last night. Did you get the ladies too?”

Drink? Ladies?

Roxana gradually remembered that she went out with Lord Quintus to drink. Then everything else was a blur. She sat up and quickly touched her chest. Her linen was intact. What happened after? She tried to remember but to no avail.

“How did I get here?” She asked Gary.

He chuckled. “You came on your own and just collapsed.”

Maybe her secret was still safe but she couldn’t be sure. She could have exposed herself to Lord Quintus and he was going to use her secret to make him his puppet. She hoped not, but that was a high possibility now. That is if he didn’t tell the king.

She needed to see Lord Quintus.

Getting ready to face the painful journey again, she stood up. Her stomach growled.

“Did you eat?” She asked them.

“Yes. We left some for you.” Peter nodded toward the table.

“Thank you.” She went to the table, feeling her head throb. She took a gulp of water to soothe her dry throat.

“Isn’t it strange that we are suddenly going back?” Gary spoke to the guards.

“I am guessing things didn’t go well between king Isaac and His Majesty. Maybe he refused the marriage. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

His Majesty refused the marriage? Roxana stopped chewing the bread in her mouth and remembered that she was going to escape with King Isaac’s help last night before Lord Quintus ruined her plan.

No! Why did she go with him when she had plans to escape? What was king Isaac thinking now?

No! No! She began to panic and choked on her bread. She coughed and coughed until Gary and Peter came to her rescue.

“Eat slowly,” Gary said hitting her back until she coughed out the piece of bread that got stuck in her throat. She gasped for air and Peter handed her a glass of water.

“Thank you.” She breathed taking it.

She gulped the water down at once.

No! She didn’t want to see the King. Not after their kiss. She wasn’t ready. She had to escape on her own. But there was no way out. She was surrounded by soldiers that led her slowly to her death. They were going to the king and just as they neared his chamber, he walked outside.

Her heart stopped beating and she held her breath hoping he wouldn’t see her. He turned to them and they bowed their greetings.

“Good morning,” he replied gently and her heart fluttered. His gaze settled on her for a moment before he walked away. They followed as he led them to the second person she dreaded to meet.

King Isaac. Would he be angry with her for not showing up? Would he understand that something could have come in the way?

Lord Rayven and the young Lord Davis joined them on their way, but Lord Quintus was nowhere to be seen. They arrived at the throne hall where His Majesty would bid the king farewell. King Isaac sat on his throne with his beautiful daughter sitting beside him.

“It is unfortunate that you have to leave so soon but I understand that you have duties as a king.” King Isaac spoke.

“Thank you for your hospitality, Your Majesty and Your Highness.” King Alexander replied.

“I wish you a safe trip,” Princess Serena smiled.

Roxana was focused on King Isaac. He wasn’t looking her way. Did he not wonder or did he forget? Or perhaps he was offended and didn’t want to acknowledge her now.

She wanted to talk to him. Explain herself but she wouldn’t get the chance.

Confused and frustrated she left him behind.

At the gates, Roxana still waited for Lord Quintus to arrive but they seemed to be leaving without him. She got on her horse and turned to Gary. “Where is Lord Quintus?”

Gary shrugged. “I believe His Majesty sent him on a mission.”

“Oh.” That was all she said.

It didn’t matter now. If she got back home while Lord Quintus was on his mission, she would escape with Fanny. It would be difficult without much money but she had no choice.

During the journey, Roxana noticed that she didn’t get as quickly tired as before. She was getting used to this. King Alexander gave her no attention which she was grateful for and she kept her distance. He didn’t ask her to sleep in his tent at night either, nor did she care to follow him everywhere.

“Did something happen?” Gary asked her the second night when the king didn’t call her to his tent. Roxana knew what he mean but pretended to be clueless.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… his Majesty.” He whispered.

She gave up a questioning look.

“Are you not a favorite anymore?”

“Oh. Everything is fine. He is probably just recovering from being ill.”

He nodded. “Yes. We shouldn’t have left the day after he got sick. The long journey might cause him to relapse.”

Roxana glanced his way. That was true. She had been so shocked and panicked about the kiss that she forgot he had been ill. The kiss was probably just a moment of weakness and she was there tending to him. She sighed, not knowing what the truth was or what went through his mind. If he wasn’t the king and she didn’t fear repercussions, she would have asked him straight.

The next day, they finally arrived at Kraghorn and Roxana breathed out in relief. Soon she could escape. She missed Fanny so much, but uncle Benedict and Father Anthony, she would have to say goodbye to. There was no way where she could be completely happy.

Back at the castle, in the defense quarters, the guards disarmed. Roxana looked around. This would be the last time she would see this place. She looked over at Peter and Gary and some of the other guards that she got close to. They had all treated her kindly.

“Rox!” Sir Fulker’s stern voice came from behind. Roxana turned to him. “Welcome back.” He said.

“Thank you, Sir.”

Roxana couldn’t believe that she would miss Sir Fulker as well, despite his judgment of women. Perhaps she should leave a note that he did in fact train a woman.

“I heard the horse ride wasn’t pleasant.” He said.

“I am getting used to it.” She admitted.

“Then your next training should be horse riding,” he told her.

There would be no next time, Roxana thought. “I look forward to it, Sir.” She smiled.

“Alright. Go home now and rest.” He gave her a pat on the shoulder.

Roxana left everything behind and wished the guards goodbye. They thought they would see her soon but they wouldn’t. She left them for good and as she walked through the halls, feeling a strange sadness settle in her chest. She halted. Would she leave without seeing him one last time?

‘Will you kiss me…. One last time.’ the words echo in her mind. Roxana frowned. When did she say that?

She tried to remember but nothing followed. It was only those words. Was it when she was drunk? Who did she say it to?

She began to walk again, this time slower. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t remember. She sighed letting it go. She was leaving anyway.

Taking the road through the king’s quarters, Roxana hoped to see him one last time. She watched the door to his chamber and then she walked away. Perhaps it was better this way.

When she neared home, she smelled the salty scent of the ocean. Oh, how she missed home. The home she would leave soon. She wanted to weep. No more of uncle Ben’s fish soup. This would be a very difficult farewell.

And then she arrived at the door to her home. She knocked on the door and then stepped inside.

“Roxana!” She heard Fanny’s voice where he called from his room and came running. “Is it you?” He asked before he saw her.

“It is me.” She said walking in and showing herself.

“Oh Lord.” he came and hugged her. “I was so worried. I went to the castle. I was told you left on a journey with the king.”

“Yes. I couldn’t inform you. It happened abruptly.”

He grabbed her arms and pulled her back, examining her face. “Are you alright?”

Roxana felt tears burn in her eyes. She shook her head.

“What happened?”

“Fanny,” She croaked and hugged him, unable to fight back the tears. What was wrong with her? She should at least be a little happy that she was back home.

“You are frightening me.”

“I am tired.” She cried.

He stroked her back. “It is alright. Come, I will make you warm soup.”

He lay out the mattress for her in her Cabin and put a clean dress on top for her to change into. She really needed to get out of this linen that was deforming her breasts. As he closed the door behind him, giving her privacy, the tears continued to fall as she changed into her gown. Her muscles were sore, her breasts almost bruised and sensitive. She was finally relieved yet not.

Fanny fed her warm soup and then she told him everything while unable to stop crying. She wished Fanny would scold her now. Tell her that he had warned her and that she was reckless and stubborn but he didn’t. He just hugged her, assuring her that everything would be alright until she cried herself to sleep.

In the morning, she woke up to a disturbing sound. It sounded like someone broke a door. And then the clicking sound of footsteps followed, nearing her room. The door flung open forcefully hitting the wall. Ulric stood with his big frame at the door, with his men trailing behind.

“Here you are.” He smirked wickedly.

“You should know better than to provoke me again.” She told him.

“Oh no. This time is different. This time you will pay.” He nodded toward his men to take her.

Roxana prepared herself to fight she could only throw a few punches and kicks before they overpowered her. They were too many and she had no room to escape.

“You are making a mistake.” She told him. “What will you do? Kill me?”

“I won’t.” He said stepping closer while his men held her still. “But I am sure His Majesty will when he finds out his guard is a female.”