Heart of Darkness

Skender watched Roxana flee into the woods and it took him all his strength not to chase after her and catch her somewhere between the trees. And what he would do after would indeed be sinister. She was right to run.

“I was afraid we would witness something more.” Skender heard Rayven telling Lazarus. The brooding demon sounded slightly amused.

“Ah, the self-restraint.” Lazarus drawled. “Even I feel a certain way right now.” He splashed cold water on his face and Rayven chuckled.

Skender poured cold water over his shoulders to remove the heat from her touch but he knew it was useless. He was provoked beyond redemption as it wasn’t only his feelings he was aware of, but hers as well. He could hear the change of her heartbeat, her breathing, and every thought that crossed her mind. He could feel her every reaction to his touch and the heat of her body. Somehow he was glad she was disguised as a man and therefore resisted him otherwise having her so willing, he wasn’t sure what he would end up doing.

After taking his cold bath, Rayven came to him while he was getting dressed. “May I give you some advice?” He asked but he wasn’t really asking. He was going to speak anyway. “Don’t waste your time torturing yourself by resisting if you want her. I have been there. It doesn’t work.”

Skender was already waiting for some advice since he would become the cynical and irrational one now. The one who was in denial.

“Hmm… then you suggest I learn from your mistakes?”

Rayven frowned. He had been in denial because he didn’t feel worthy and Skender because he didn’t feel love was worth it. One because of fear of being happy and the other because of fear of getting hurt.

“I suggest you seek the truth.” He said.

“What is the truth? Enlighten me.”

“You are afraid, but not everyone is going to hurt you. I know most of us did and…” He recalled some painful memories. “I can’t say I am fond of Roxana but you would know.”

“I don’t know.” He said sincerely. He did not know humans and their constant change of feelings. He did not know anyone or even himself. And no one truly knew him. No one.

“If you like her there must be a reason,” he said. “You don’t like just anyone.”

Skender chuckled. He wanted to say he didn’t like her but he didn’t want to feel the bitter taste of a lie on his lips if it happened to be so. But one day he would be able to say it without difficulty. One day when reality pinched him awake.

“Well, she is charming. What can I say?”

Rayven didn’t believe in his words and the slight frown on his face remained as they walked back to the tents. The guards had already packed and they were ready to leave. Skender looked around for Roxana and found her standing beside her horse. He had truly caused a conflict in her mind and she was thinking of what to do next. Escaping was a repeated thought, but she didn’t know how, when, and whether it was a good choice.

Skender would say escaping was the best choice unless she was willing to endure some more torture.

Throughout the whole journey, he couldn’t stop thinking about her, and every time the wind blew from behind, bringing her scent forward, his itching increased.

During their pauses for water and food, she made sure to avoid looking his way or being anywhere near him and when the sunset and it was time to take a break for the night to sleep, dread made her eyes widen and her skin pale. He felt bad but only for a moment.

Why would he care?

This was her punishment. She was afraid. Nervous. Worried. Her thoughts were filled with panic and horror. She had quite the wild imagination to think that he would do certain things but perhaps, just perhaps she wasn’t entirely wrong. With her, he could never know what would happen next and that was horrifying to him as well.

Roxana began to remove her armor as they decided who would sleep first and who would stand guard. “Perhaps His Majesty will call you and you will get to sleep the whole night,” Gary whispered but with Skender’s senses, he could hear everything clearly.

Roxana looked fearful and tried to hide it with a forced smile. “I don’t think so.” She said not sure of her own words. Then she looked at Gary for a long moment contemplating asking about the rumors. She wanted to know if they were true and if Gary knew anything but wasn’t sure how to ask.

“Young Lord Davis seems to follow His Majesty everywhere.” She began.

“Yes. The young Lord is intelligent and the King listens to his advice.”

Roxana glanced at William and watched him closely unable to decide what to believe then she turned back to Gary. “His Majesty has no mistresses?”

Gary shook his head with a smile. “No.”

“Certainly he would have a woman somewhere.”

“As a king, he would not need to hide her if he had.”

“Surely he enjoys the company of women.”

“I am sure he does,” Gary replied.

Skender wanted to laugh at the fact that she felt a bit relieved. “So you have seen him with women?” She asked forgetting not to sound too interested and Gary took a note of her curiosity.

“He does go out occasionally with Lord Quintus.”

Oddly she didn’t like that idea. The idea of him spending time with women. Wasn’t that what she hoped to hear and now she was… jealous? Skender shook his head with a smile.

Roxana stopped her questioning. The more information she gathered the more confused she became. Now, she wasn’t even sure of what she hoped to hear.

“I need to urinate.” She said and headed toward the woods.

*************

Roxana didn’t need to urinate. She just needed a moment to be alone and away. Pained by the long ride she sat leaning against a tree in the dark woods. Her back hurt so she quickly counted the days to keep track of her period. For now, she was safe and her backpain was just the ride.

With a sigh, she looked up at the sky. The tall trees blocked most of the view but she could still see the crescent moon. If only Fanny was here. She really needed someone to talk to because it felt like she was losing her mind. Despite telling herself she shouldn’t think about it, that she would leave soon anyway she couldn’t stop wondering. What were the king’s intentions? What were his feelings?

The sudden sound of footsteps caused her to quickly reach for her sword.

“Rox.” A too familiar and unwanted voice spoke from the dark. Slowly he emerged from the shadows, looking menacing and beautiful in the darkness of the night.

“Your Majesty,” She was about to stand up but pain shot through her leg, causing her to shriek and fall back. The muscle in her thigh contracted and clenched into a tight knot causing her to groan in unbearable pain. She couldn’t move, only cry out.

Alexander quickly came to her aid and grabbed her leg to stretch it. “Ah no!” She cried in protest but she could do nothing to stop him. “Stop it!”

Ignoring her, he stretched her leg and then grabbed her thigh to massage it. She continued to protest, trying to remove his hands as she couldn’t endure the pain but suddenly it lessened causing her to breathe out in relief.

“It is alright now,” he told her softly massaging the tight muscle in her thigh. Her breath came out in ragged pants as she was shocked by the sudden pain. She turned to him, her breath slowing down and her heartbeat calming.

When the panic and fear were gone, she looked at his hand on her thigh. He followed her gaze and then released her.

“Are you alright?” He asked where he sat on one knee in front of her.

She nodded. He seemed to know a lot about saving someone. First when he saved her from drowning and now this. Intelligent she would call him but then would he not be the kind of man she wanted for herself. Caring and intelligent.

Oh lord, heavenly father.

She looked up to meet his gaze and the way he looked at her at that moment made her want to crawl away but the tree behind her prevented her from going anywhere.

He smiled as if knowing how he made her feel. Then he pulled back and went to sit against the tree in front of her. He tilted his head to one side and watched her with curious eyes.

“This trip must have put a strain on you.” He said.

She shook her head. “Not at all, Your Majesty.” He put a strain on her.

“Things will only get more difficult from here.”

Why did that sound like a promise rather than a warning? As if he would make sure things became difficult.

“Things have always been difficult for me, Your Majesty.”

He watched her with a frown then looked away with a sigh. A muscle clenched in his jaw and his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Your Maje…”

“Stop calling me that!” He bit off looking back at her with anger blazing through his eyes.

Roxana was shocked by his sudden change of demeanor. She swallowed to wet her suddenly dry throat. Did she say something wrong?