Book 2 Chapter 84

Willow awoke from his dreamless sleep with his core aching, but ultimately undamaged. Despite waking, he kept his eyes firmly closed.

He didn’t want to face the aftermath of what he’d done. The picture that had been painted by his senses had already been detailed enough.

It had felt like the only path available to him at the time. Willow had even asked for clarification and confirmed that it was in his best interest to go all out.

But he didn’t feel like a hero who had stood up against an evil force.

He felt like a murderer.

He had felt the depths of their pain as they’d burned.

He’d killed the sister’s spirits as well, consigning them to the same fate as their masters without giving them a chance to escape.

In hindsight it truly wasn’t fair to do that to them in particular. They likely had no choice but to follow along with the sister’s orders. Most bonds did not allow the same freedoms as his.

He didn’t want to do that ever again.

The act of taking a life felt antithetical to who he wanted to be.

He wished his family was here.

Willow jolted upright as he realized he didn’t know how long he’d been away on his errand for his grandmother. He really didn’t want to worry her.

His sudden movement had startled the majority of his spirits who had been tiredly resting on his chest, or floating nearby in the case of Eos.

Right, he hadn’t drawn them back before passing out.

He gave them all a hug through their bond.

“Thank you, everyone. You did great.”

He hated what he’d done, but his friends had acted perfectly according to his direction. It would not be right to blame them.

He alone would bear the weight of what he’d done.

“Are you all right, child?” Harmony asked from her place at the crown of her head.

Willow wanted to lie, wanted to say that he was fine so that his friend wouldn’t worry about him. There was even a part of him that wanted to blame the twins for forcing him into this situation. If he hadn’t bound them all those years ago then he wouldn’t even be here today.

But they had done so much for him. They’d created a path for him to walk, even if it was difficult and fraught with danger. They had given him the chance to bind all of his friends. If he set up a scale balancing the amount of bad and good they’d brought to his life, he was sure it would weigh heavily in favor of good.

“No, I’m not all right.” Tears threatened to spill from his eyes again, though he rubbed at them until they stopped.

“We’re here for you if you want to talk about it, I hope you know that, friend.” A surprisingly somber Change offered.

“Not right now. I… I don’t want to even think about it for a little while, if that’s all right?”

“That is perfectly fine, child. So long as you know that the offer exists. We appreciate the lengths you went through to keep us safe, and wish the cost to you had been less severe.”

Willow shrugged listlessly. “We’re friends. The whole point of training like I have been is to make sure I’m strong enough to keep you safe.”

He just hadn’t been prepared for the realities of what that had meant.

The boy got up and left the place he’d been laid down to rest, bringing the pelt he’d been wrapped in with him.

He found Li Wanyu kneeling in front of a rough stone marker with his spirit at his side. Willow tried not to think about the reasons why the earth beneath the marker was freshly disturbed.

He doubly tried to ignore what his senses were telling him about what lay beneath.

“Thank you for this.” He tried to hand back the pelt to Li Wanyu, and the young man eventually accepted it.

Oh, that reminded him. “I still have the robe you wrapped me in, if you want it back.”

He’d tried to keep it safe as he travelled, a memento of the day he’d met Harmony and Change, and of the kind stranger who’d rescued him from the woods.

Li Wanyu glanced down at his tattered attire as he wrapped the pelt around himself. “In better circumstances I’d say keep it, but it would be much appreciated right now, junior sister.”

Willow smirked halfheartedly, briefly remembering their first interaction. “It’s junior brother, actually. There’ve been some side effects from cultivating the twins’ energies.”

Li Wanyu looked around at the gaggle of spirits gathering around him. “I can see that. I normally wouldn’t think that the solution to having conflicting qi types in your core would be to add yet more types of qi, but clearly it’s working out for you.”

The two of them lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, the presence of the nearby grave felt keenly by both of them.

“Come on, I need to get back before my grandma tears apart the mountain looking for me.” He went back and grabbed his basket of forageables before briskly walking away.

Li Wanyu hesitated for several moments before following the strange boy.

“Are you sure your grandmother will accept my presence? I do not wish to cause any problems for either of you.”

“A little late for that, don’t you think?” Willow harshly reminded him, before wincing from the pain he felt from his current travelling companion’s core at the callous remark.

His next words came out in a jumble and tears threatened to return by the time he was done. “Sorry, didn’t mean that. You tried to tell me to stay out of it, and I stubbornly insisted on helping. It’s not your fault, and I don’t wanna talk about it more right now.”

Willow felt Li Wanyu’s panic as he briefly began to spiral. He drew some comfort from the bonds with his friends and forced a smile on his face.

“Let’s just go, yeah? We should be having stew today, doesn’t that sound great right about now?”

The young man nodded, though he clearly looked like he wanted to say something before he thought better of it.

The two of them continued on in silence. Willow distracted himself by observing the way his friends were interacting with Li Wanyu’s spirit.

He was suddenly curious. “Does she have a name?”

Li Wanyu was surprised by the sudden shift in topic so it took him a little bit to reply. “Bingxin.”

Oh right, he vaguely recalled him mentioning that when his spirit had woken him up. After everything that’d happened it had slipped his mind.

Willow nodded, and remembered another piece of information that he should probably know. “Li Xiangyin has Man Yue, by the way. They seem happy with the arrangement, though your sister is worried about you.”

Li Wanyu blinked in surprise and relief flooded his core. “I’m glad she has them, they’ll keep her safe in my absence.”

He wanted to comment that she’d probably prefer having her brother in her life, but didn’t trust himself to not say it in a way that would hurt him.

Willow really hated feeling like this, he wished it would all stop.

He wished he could stop hearing their screams.

Instead he focused on making it home. His grandmother would give him a bowl of stew, and help make the pain less intense.

Right?

He clung to the hope that things would get better.

Even if he didn’t currently believe it.