Chapter 77: Interlude Ten: Fiona - Calle Ocho Reunions

Fiona’s scratchy throat constricted as two female voices came from down the hall; they’d finally arrived.

"Ugh... Can you please not spread those pheromones everywhere, Margaret? It stinks like bad BO."

"Aww, are you jealous Luis is paying more attention to me instead of you, Lizzy?" the panther beastkin purred. "Maybe if you wore less clothes, then you’d draw some eyes."

"Pfft. Babe. Can you really call yourself a nudist if you’re covered in fur? And I’m not into excessive hair. So, you can keep Luis. What you must smell like in the shower. Yikes. You literally clear halls with that musk, though. Ugh! I’ve had to take two showers today just being near you!"

"Hater. No, racist? Hehe. I mean, it fits the white elf stereotype."

"Shut up. It’s always race with you. He doesn’t like black chicks. She hates me because my hair’s nappy. Why’s he with that fat brown cow when I’ve got these thick thighs? I’ve got a fatter ass than her; why does she get the attention? He’s racist. He’s probably gay. Hoe, get over yourself!"

"Bitch, please. You had the flattest ass before getting that fat injected into that butt three days ago. Quit acting like you’re hot shit because you’ve got pointed ears and an okay face. I bet your powdered milk bush is still dry as rice. Get your white ass outta here."

"Why’s it always Asian and Latino hate from you?"

"Huh? Says the person who hears rice and instantly goes to Asian. Pfft. You got issues, Babe. Aye, where’s Maria? Damn, y’all are beta bitches. Did she cut your balls—yo, the hell?!" She burst into laughter as the door slammed open. "Haha! Ain’t no way that’s you, Queenie! I-I can’t—Lizzy, hold me—I’m gonna fall!"

Fiona locked up as they caught sight of her savior. She’d heard girls roasting each other and been on the receiving end in Ireland, but nothing like this! Of course, she was in a small town and was the type of girl who didn’t like swearing in general, which didn’t do her any favors when she helped out at her uncle’s bar when in middle school.

Maria met their energy without blinking an eye.

"Aye, you talkin’ shit with that nose, apestar pinche puto. What, you tryin’ ta be a goth furry mixed with a clown, huh? I guess it works for that mashed face."

"Damn!" Eliza snickered. "Hey, that’s definitely Maria."

A low growl came from Margaret. "Bitch always talks shit. Y’all Mexicans and Cubans be racist as hell. Talkin’ ’bout my nose like that, I should rip your throat out, chica."

"Try it, puss," Maria snarled back, and a swift shift in momentum forced Fiona against the woman’s chest as she pushed off the wall. "Last time you were in my hood, I gave you that nose job, gata."

What are you doing?! Fiona cried, trying to stabilize herself between her breasts as the unicorn marched up to the woman without hesitation. They’ll kill you! They’re flippin’ assassins!

"Pfft-haha!"

"You’re such a bitch, Maria! Haha. I love you, you Catholic hoe. How’s Little Havana?" Eliza asked. "Damn, last time I saw you, you were seventeen, poppin’ off on the block. Hey, you remember how she looked after beating the snot out of those two punks that jumped her?"

"Yo, I always said she had balls, slut. She’s not stupid, though. You think she’d hide that fairy? That’s cap. Set her free? Probably."

Eliza hummed. "Hehe. What’d you do to this pop-bitch next to ya, Queenie? Damn, he’s all sorts of ground beef. Ya didn’t put a cap in him, though? Tch. Girl, don’t tell me your horse ass be soft like that?"

Huh? Fiona’s racing heart and mind swirled as things took a complete 180. What’s going on? Is she buying time for us and redirecting them, or is she just in some weird pre-match roast session?

"Says the prep ass elf bitch? Aye, get into the corner, puta. Shit, what I wouldn’t give for a liga right now, ya know; this hair is annoying as hell."

"Aye, she got a point as sharp as those ears, Lizzy! Hehe."

Ben scrambled off the couch with a pained grunt as gravity shifted for Fiona, becoming momentarily pressed against the top of Maria’s bra as she dropped into the cushion. The men were mumbling to one another, but the three loud women were in a world of their own.

"Knock the ears all you want, but you know I be baggin’ dick with them. And annoying ass hair? I get that," Eliza laughed, leaning against the table to face her at how close they sounded. "Not that this short-ass butch knows the feeling."

"Hoe, please," Margaret sniffed. "I bet those ears do be baggin’ dicks. Am I right, fat ass? Hehe."

"Shut your hairy mustache up."

"What, ya hatin’ the cut when ya ain’t got no claw to scratch that sandy crab? Luis likes the smooth panther fur. Maybe you should chop off those bangs, forehead-lookin’ ass. We all know why you grew that shit out."

Maria snorted. "Aye, the gata’s got a point, blondie. You could fire an arrow off that bow."

"Damn!" Margaret snickered. "She’s roasting your ass!"

Fiona was completely thrown off by how natural Maria was in this environment. Most of the men here were terrified of this elf and panther woman, but she didn’t show an ounce of fear.

"Hah. Jokes on you two," Eliza laughed. "Take a good look. This change has me lookin’ like a fantasy dream model, sluts. While you got what, coconut, a tail, and pubic hair all over your body. And you became the poster bitch for horny choir kids with mamma issues?"

Margaret choked. "Haha! Yo, ya nailed Maria, Lizzy! The Catholic busty nun outfit—we gotta get her one—teachin’ Sunday class to mamma boys, trippin’ over themselves! Haha! Attendance goes through the roof with those backroom lessons. Ya know what I mean?"

Fiona’s gut squirmed at the crude gestures the woman was likely using. This was not her scene, but Maria adapted without batting an eye, all while protecting her when she didn’t have to. She’d put herself in danger for her, and Fiona didn’t want to see her get hurt. The unicorn kept matching their energy, though.

"Tch... Puta sucio. Y’all can’t leave my faith outta shit. Congrats on the gonorrhea cure, by the way, puss. At least ya got one blessing goin’ for that itchy ass, but I don’t envy the lifted tail every time ya gotta shit."

"Wow! I know, we’re going to hell, but that was good," Margaret laughed, seemingly in tears. "Damn, I forgot how fun you could be! So, how’s the spot?"

"You know what it is," Maria grunted. "Guagua be runnin’ all day, pero like, business be business. Chonga postin’ up, dominoes all day e’ry day, cafeterias on every corner, and Miami’s most festive spot, no cap. Is what it is. Roll down the hood; I got ya."

Eliza sighed. "Damn, I do love rollin’ through Calle Ocho. Drugs and tattoos, never likin’ the rules... That neighborhood music always playin’. Shit, Marg! I want some of that Latin food now."

"Pequeña Habana," Maria stated, stretching out a bit and squeezing Fiona; she tried not to squeak. "That’s home. Barbecues, cookouts, old cars, and love for the fam. Better than whatever shit storm ya got goin’ on here. Aye. Ya got a kitchen and a 12-pack of frias; I would whip us up some homemade tortillas, ya feel?"

The door opened again, a rush of mumbles from the men outside coming into focus as a deep-voiced man walked through; Luis had arrived.

"Might take you up on that, Maria, but first, we gotta deal with this business with the lost fairy. Damn, who be smelling fine? I caught that shit down the hall."

"Bae!" Margaret chimed, moving to probably lay her paws all over him. "I guess Relica did with whatever shit her kinky ass is into right now. You saw Adele off? I wanna split. Something creepy’s got my fur stiff..."

"That would be me." Fiona’s thighs tightened as a whisper seemed to slide down her spine and whisper in her ear. "It’s taken me some time to fully bring the building under control, but we’re set. Also...we have an intruder, and she—shit, it’s Adele’s brat. I thought she was off the grid?"

"Tch. Damn," Eliza hissed. "Akio’s creepy ass is here with Adele’s brat, and right after she split—the hell kind of luck is that? Can MI6 get her back because we ain’t supposed to do shit to her, right?"

Akio’s tone became agitated. "Unfortunately, they’re all gone... Hold up, she’s able to teleport via shadows. Relica should be back soon, but not soon enough. Shit. She skipped the whole spiral staircase from hell... The brat’s not affected by my mist? How the—"

Maria’s chest tightened for the first time as silence came across the room, and a nervous girl’s voice popped up nearby.

"Uh...hi, terrorists, umm... I’m just here for Maria and Fiona—t-that’s your name, right? Crazy hiding spot, by the way. What’s up with the warping walls and spooky mist everywhere? Hey! Hey!"

"Who the hell are you?" Maria snarled. "The shit does everyone want from me? Son of a—aye, chill! I’m cool."

///SMENote///

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