Chapter 193: Like a Reverse Booger

When I exited the door, a warm breeze washed over me. Wherever I was, it appeared to be nighttime, and millions of stars lit up the sky. It was very pretty.

But it wasn’t the stars that caught my eye—it was the gigantic, floating skull. It looked somewhat humanoid, apart from the two horns jutting from its forehead and the teeth were just a bit too sharp. Oh, and did I already mention it was gigantic? It was easily the size of a four-story house. It could have been even bigger. I wasn’t sure.

Blue flames danced in its sockets, and similar blue flames oozed out of its mouth like a waterfall in slow motion. Where they landed, I could not see. I wondered what that thing was. Had it once been alive, and had someone put it there for some reason? Why was it floating? Would there be more of these things around, but alive? If that was the case, I might be in trouble.

I looked at the ground, which appeared to be regular old grass. I crouched down and ran my hand over it. Felt like grass. Probably just grass. Besides the big evil-looking skull, the place didn’t look very evil, or demonic, or scary really.

I glanced back and noticed on this side the door was not a door, but a portal. Would that be a problem? Could whatever was in here escape into our world? If this even was a different world. The stars looked different enough, at least. If everything was as big as that skull, they probably wouldn’t be able to escape, though.

And where were Vasil and Kasia? Had they changed their minds? Was I the only one who was able to pass through the door? I tried to listen for any sounds, but I didn’t hear anything except for the gentle breeze.

“Are we there yet?” Bogumir asked.

“Yeah,” I answered. “We’re here alright. Wherever that may be.”

“Let me look!” He opened the satchel and leaned out. “Alright then. That looks ominous. Is it too late to turn back? Where is everyone?”

“We’re not going back until we get what we came for. And I’m sure Vasil and Kasia will join us any second now.” I gestured at the portal. “Any second now.”

Since they still hadn’t popped out of the portal, I figured maybe they would not be joining us any second now.

“Are we stuck here?”

“I hope not. Let’s give them a bit longer.” I pointed at the floating house-sized skull. “What do you think of that? Ever seen anything like it?”

“I think it’s very big. And, no, I haven’t.”

I scanned the area. There didn’t seem to be anything in this place except for the skull and the portal and the grass. If there was anything else, it had to be far away, because I didn’t see it.

A buzzing sound made me turn back to the portal. First Vasil hopped through, then Kasia stepped out.

“Oh my,” Vasil said as soon as he saw the big floater.

“Oh you, indeed,” I said. “Looks like that thing is all there is to this place. Kasia do you see anything else?”

“No.” She glanced around, then shook her head. “No, I don’t see anything. There seems to be a lot of mana involved with that floating head. Other than that this place seems pretty barren mana-wise. At least compared to the cathedral, which is overflowing with it.”

That the cathedral was overflowing with it was interesting in itself. Of course I had felt something, but it had always been more of a light tug—like some old and slumbering mana. Like it was barely there, but still there. I don’t know. Something like that.

“Now what?” Kasia asked.

“Well,” I said, looking up at the sky. “If that skull is all there is to this place, then I guess that’s where we go. I could put Vasil with Bogumir, and I could carry you and just fly up. Pretty straightforward.”

“Let us hope it stays straight forward,” Vasil said.

“Are you normal again?” I asked Bogumir.

“Getting there,” he replied. “Mostly.”

Thankfully that mushroom water didn’t last too long. We could use every set of eyes in this place, since I had no idea what to expect. There was just something about a big floating demon skull that made me think that there was a chance that things could get spicy. On the other hand, it could also just be a deterrent. Maybe it wasn’t even a real skull. Maybe it was just a decoration. Or maybe someone built their house shaped like a big evil head. You never knew.

I opened my satchel and Vasil hopped in on his own.

Kasia smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Ready,” she said.

I unfolded the wings granted to me by the strzyga matriarch head hanging from my belt. Why walk when you can fly, right?

As we got closer I could tell this was definitely not something someone built. It looked like a real skull. I couldn’t see what was causing it to float, so it must have been magic. It felt even more massive up close than far away. It was bigger than a four-story house.

Getting closer to the flames, they didn’t feel very warm. Also magic then, as if the color didn’t give it away. I didn’t dare touch them because even though I was immune to fire, I wasn’t sure if these flames counted and I had no idea what the fire would do to me. Better safe than dead—or even worse, disfigured.

The only place I could see that looked safe-ish to enter was the nose hole, since nothing was coming out of there, so I flew up in there like a reverse booger.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but when we arrived inside it looked like a huge hall with big, fat, massive pillars. The floor was white marble and a red carpet led straight to the back. I set us down at the edge of the nose hole and peered outside. What I saw was nothing but endless black filled with stars.

“Yikes,” Bogumir said.

I took a peek over the edge and besides the blue flames slowly drifting down, I didn’t see anything but black and stars. The grass was gone. In that moment, I thought that maybe I had made a mistake. Maybe it had been foolish to come here. And especially foolish to bring Kasia, especially since I had no idea where the portal was anymore. If it was still there, I couldn’t see it. I decided to keep this information to myself and hoped I’d figure something out when it was time to leave.

I turned back and followed the red carpet, since someone must have put it there for a reason. Besides the pillars that I assumed were keeping up the ceiling and some torches with that same blue fire lighting the hall, there wasn’t much to see. On the inside it definitely didn’t look like a skull. Unfortunately there also wasn’t anything to loot—uh, take with me for study, around.

The red carpet led to a big, heavy-looking door made of dark wood. On each side of the door stood a statue with an enormous claymore pressed to their chest. Inspecting them, they looked like they could have been of the same species as the floating skull, but a lot smaller. Though smaller still meant at least twice my size.

The statues were a brownish-gray, which made me wonder what kind of material they were made out of. I thought about giving them a little tap, but they made me feel uneasy. I also felt mana leaking from them, as if there was something inside.

“Hecate.” Kasia put a hand on my shoulder. “They look alive.”

“Yeah, I guess they kind of do,” I agreed.

“No. Well, yes, but the mana. I think they are alive, or something similar to it.”

I narrowed my eyes at them in suspicion. Were these statues going to attack me? Was this some kind of super lame and obvious trap? Surely, it couldn’t be. I took a few steps back and put my hands on my hips, waiting for them to move. They didn’t.

I waved my hand around. “Yoohoo! Anyone in there?”

Nothing.

“Vasil?” I asked.

“Yes?” he answered.

“Would it be rude if I just shoot these statues? Just in case they are somehow alive and want to kill me? I mean, I don’t know whose place we entered and maybe they are friendly, but I don’t really want to take any risks. I’d rather avoid getting cleaved in half by a claymore that’s bigger than me if I can help it. Especially by an ugly monster looking thing.”

“I say we blast ‘em,” Bogumir said. “If they didn’t want us to blast them, they shouldn’t have made them look like a bunch of big traps.”

“See! They really do look like that. I agree! No one would be upset if we destroyed their possibly priceless artifacts, right? Not if they looked like this.”

“I don’t know,” Kasia said. “I think I’d be pretty upset if someone did that. Especially if they are priceless. But I’d be more upset about getting cleaved in two than offending someone for breaking their stuff. We could always apologize after.”

“Then it’s decided.” I thrust my fist in the air. “Democracy prevails again. You can take the girl out of Graecia, but you can’t take Graecia out of the girl!”

“So…” I squinted at the statues and aimed my revolvers. “Who’s gonna get it first? They are both equally ugly, so this is not an easy choice.”

“Why not both at the same time?” Bogumir suggested.

“Excellent. You are wise beyond your size,” I said.

I thought I heard him whisper “what the fuck?” but maybe I imagined it. Maybe it was the wind playing tricks on me. Even though there was no wind here. That could also be a trick of the wind, making you think it wasn’t there even though it was. Or wasn’t. Huh? I shook my head in confusion. Right. Statues.

“Pow pow,” I said, activating [Clean Entry] and lining up two headshots.

“HALT,” a voice thundered through the hall.