Chapter 180: Hostile Work Environment

“Uh… what was what?” I asked, trying my best to look like I didn’t know exactly what it was.

“What was that sound?” Palets demanded.

“My voice?”

“Open the bag.”

“Wow!” I giggled. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ask to see what’s in a lady’s bag?”

“I will not ask again.”

So I opened the bag and pulled out Vasil. “You got me. This is my pet frog. Isn’t he cute?”

“Your pet frog…”

“Well, yeah! My pet frog! Look, I even gave him a little crown. Pretty cool, huh?”

Palets rubbed his shadowy eyes with one hand. “You brought your pet frog with you?”

“Yeah! That’s what I said. See?” I held out Vasil for him to see.

Palets held up his hand and sat back down. “Keep that thing away from me.”

“He won’t bite!” I smiled, then frowned. “Unless you’re a fly. Right, buddy?” I patted Vasil on his head, and fluttered my eyes at him. Then I looked back at Palets. “You’re not a fly, are you? At least, I don’t think you are. I mean, you could be. Is that why you hide your face? Is that why you’re scared of frogs? If you are, tell me now, because this little guy has no self control!” I chuckled. “Right, froggy?”

Palets stared at me in silence.

“Not a fan of frogs, huh?” I asked.

“They are disgusting creatures.”

“Wow! Really? You can’t just say stuff like that, you might hurt his feelings.”

“Frogs don’t have feelings.”

“This one does. He’s very sensitive about his appearance.”

“Are you joining the tournament or not?”

I sat back down and swung my legs over the arm of the chair. I set Vasil down on my chest. “Of course I am. You had me at runeword. Now let’s talk about my signing bonus. And my compensation for having to suffer a hostile work environment. I really don’t appreciate being threatened. And then there’s the matter of the ten super soft night robes for my friend.”

He drummed his fingers on the table again.

“Or maybe we can discuss the tournament a little more,” I said. “Just so I know I’m being fairly compensated.”

“Sure, why not? It’s single elimination, winner takes all. There are no weight classes, no level caps, limited rules.”

“Woah, there. Limited rules? What does that mean?”

“Means you can win by knockout, submission… or death. Of course when your opponent surrenders it is considered bad manners to keep fighting. Killing is relatively rare, but it does happen.”

“They don’t have any resurrection spells on hand for something like this?”

“That would cheapen the offering. Besides, you only give it your all when you know you might die if you don’t.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“You seem unperturbed by the prospect of death.”

“Why would I be upset at the thought of my opponents dying?”

Once again he stared at me silently for a few moments. “I suppose you wouldn’t be.”

“The real question is why you’re so perturbed by a cute little frog.” I lovingly scratched under Vasil’s chin.

“I just find them repulsive, that is all.”

“He has ears, you know! Well, not ears per se. They are called tympana. You see those circular patches you see on the side of his head? He hears with those. Or so I’ve been told. Sometimes it feels like he listens, but doesn’t really hear what I’m saying, you know what I mean? Like what I’m saying goes in one tympanum and goes out the other.” I chuckled. “Men, am I right?”

“If you are quite done lecturing me on frog biology we can move on to the next step.”

“Alright. Hit me. What’s the next step?”

“It will cost us a considerable amount to get you into the tournament, so we need to be sure you are capable of winning it. You say you single handedly took out Hanka’s crew, but that might have been the witch. You see, we have heard many stories about her, so we have an idea of what she’s capable of. You, on the other hand, seem to have appeared out of thin air. We can’t find anything on you. Not a single record. If Salomea had not seen both of you together in the same room I might have even suspected you were the witch… but that does not seem to be the case.”

“What can I say?” I said, holding out my hand. “I’m bad at paperwork. Don’t have the patience for it, I’m afraid.”

“And I still can’t figure out your exact relation to the witch. What is your game? What does she do for you? Why would you even take the risk of employing someone like her?”

“That is none of your business, Palets. I don’t ask about yours, I expect you to keep out of mine. Will that be a problem?”

“No. I was just curious.”

I flashed him a grin. “You know what happens to curious cats…”

He slowly nodded. “I can’t decide if you’re bold or foolish.”

“Perhaps both, perhaps neither. Now are we done? Where’s my stuff?”

He raised a finger. “Almost. Like I said, we need to be sure you’re capable of winning the tournament. So I have devised a little test for you. Surely you won’t mind?”

I got a bad feeling about it, so I sat Vasil on the floor and patted his head. The invisible guys’ mana started flowing toward me again, faster. Was Palets really going to have them sneak attack me to test my skills?

“I hope it’s not a math test,” I said. “I can count to ten, but I have to admit it’s not my forte.”

“You are funny, Aurelia. You deflect with humor. You make jokes to hide your insecurity.”

“Jokes? I was just being honest. I’m not insecure. I know my strengths.”

“Well then you won’t mind if we—”

One of the guys felt like he was bending his knees and was about to lunge at me. This had to be the test. They were going to try to kill me. Well, not on my watch! I blinked right in the middle of the two guys and held out my hands, palms facing toward them. I summoned just the tips of my revolvers and activated [Clean Entry]. The bullets hit them before they could react. The guy that got hit by my [Push] bullet got violently torn apart along with the decorations, and bits and pieces of everything sprayed across the room. The other guy’s head exploded, canceling his invisibility and painting the ceiling red. His headless corpse crumpled to the floor.

[Generous Gift +210% Damage.]

[You have gained 1 level.]

[You have gained 6 stat points.]

I blinked back to my chair, picked Vasil back up, and sat down. “Did I pass the test?”

Palets flicked an eyeball from his desk. “That… wasn’t the test, but it will do.”

“Great! I do have another question about the tournament.”

“What is it?”

“Can you keep what you kill?”

“Excuse me?”

“You know, can I keep their heads?”

“I would advise against it. Taking body parts as trophies tends to be frowned upon by the general public, and definitely by the Church. And it will be a very public tournament. There will be a lot of eyes on you, so you might want to reign in your… proclivities.”

“Seems like a waste of some potentially good heads.”

“True as that may be, it would be unwise.”

“Oh, and I had another question. You mentioned a Milena. I feel like I’ve heard that name before. Who’s that?”

He grabbed another of those berries and rolled it between his fingers. “Milena the Mad is just that—mad. We try to stay far away from her, as does most of the Church, it seems. They still employ her from time to time, but… her way of working is unclean.”

“Unclean?”

“She is destructive. Very, very destructive. Wherever she goes, death follows, and not in a good way. Not in our way.” He paused. “She’s messy and careless. She has no loyalty to anyone or anything. I doubt she’s working for the Church voluntarily. They must have some kind of hold over her, and even then she seems to do mostly her own thing. Perhaps they still employ her because she always gets her target, even if she lays waste to several cities in her wake. The bishop must really be frightened if he called for her. I was surprised it was even authorized until the stories started spreading. If the witch really managed to take out the Swamp Devil…”

“Will Milena participate in the tournament?”

“They would never allow it. Besides, she’s already on their payroll. She doesn’t need to. You better believe they have her decked out in the Church’s finest. I hope your friend is better equipped than you are.”

“She’ll be fine. Immortal, remember?” I tapped my temple. “Now if you could hand me those robes and my bonus, I’ll be on my way.”

He slid a teleportation crystal toward me. I took it from the table. “This will take me back?”

Palets nodded. “The robes will be delivered by nightfall.” He pulled open a drawer from his desk and took out what appeared to be a runestone. He tossed it over to me. “For luck. You’ll need it.”

I caught it and turned it over to see what kind it was. Clover. Fitting, and exactly what I needed. Maybe Banda Masvih weren’t so bad after all. “Thanks, I guess.”

“And mayor?”

“Yes?”

“Please try not to kill any more of our people.”

I gestured weighing the options with my hands. “I will try, but I can’t make any promises. I am many things, but a liar I am not. I like to keep my word, so I don’t give it unless I know I can honor it.”

“Very well.”

Then I shattered the crystal.