Forced Marriage: Escaping Her Monster

"Jer, you..." Gerard tried to hold her hand but she pulled her hand back and he didn't mind that. He could not believe what he was hearing, but then slowly it got registered.

She's pregnant? That means...

"Jer..." his eyes teared up. "You... we are pregnant?" he fisted his hand over his mouth and took a deep breath and broke into laughter.

Jerlina held her breath and clenched her jaws to control herself. He could see he was obviously happy about it and her heart moved a bit and she wanted to hug him and cry. 

But the sound of the rattling tin cans played in her memory along with the image of Gerard meeting her eyes and the 'Just Married' sign she saw as he left her.

  Right, he was not there when she needed him. And she lost her baby. Her heart filled with bitterness.

"Jer... forget everything...Let's just leave here, this city... this country even. Let's start over with just us three. You, me and our-"

"For a lawyer, your comprehension skills are very low," Jerlina's voice rang like a bell. "I said I WAS pregnant. I am pregnant no more. And-"

"What are you-" Gerard couldn't comprehend what she was saying.

Was? She's pregnant no more..? How..?

"Before you reach a conclusion on your own, let me tell you what happened. That day, do you remember me sitting in the truck while you were with your newlywed wife in your getaway car? At that moment I was losing my child. TJ..."

She wanted to say TJ is responsible for that, but she didn't know why she didn't say that.

"TJ rushed me to his mother's clinic and still...I lost the baby..." her voice shook remembering that day.

"What...Jer..." Gerard was pale. He understood everything she said. He remembered meeting eyes with her that day. But Emma told him that she probably wanted to make a scene at the wedding and her brother might have held her. Emma nagged him to go fast since they were late and he didn't stop although he wanted to stop.

She was losing our baby at that moment? And I left her?

"He was twelve weeks old and... I buried him." Jerlina couldn't control the tears dripping from the corner of her eyes as she remembered her baby boy.

"A boy?" Gerard was out of it. He wasn't even able to think about anything anymore. 

"You for whatever reason made a deal and left me to fend for myself. Those days I was kept in the cabin... the stress I was in not to leak to TJ that I was pregnant fearing he might hurt my child... If you even bothered to tell me about the deal you made with him, I wouldn't have been that scared and hid my pregnancy and..."

She paused as a weird thought popped in her head. 'Had TJ known that I was pregnant, he wouldn't have rammed his car on mine and he probably would have taken me to meet Gerard himself.'

Why did this thought pop in my head? How did my opinion about TJ change this much in mere days?

Jerlina felt her fingers go cold as she got scared by the change in her thoughts. She didn't want to think about it further as she wondered if she's been slowly brainwashed by TJ into believing that he is a good guy.

But if people should be judged by their acts...Isn't TJ actually a good guy? 

"He didn't tell you about the deal? And did he hurt you?" Gerard asked and Jerlina wiped her eyes snapping out of her thought.

"Why would he tell me about the deal when even you didn't bother to? Who was he to me? Why was it his responsibility? Gerard, will you at least acknowledge your fault here?" she asked. 

She wanted closure. She wanted to properly grieve for her child. She was holding resentment towards many people and it is only affecting her. She wanted to be free of bitterness.

"It was him, right? He killed our son, isn't he? Why are you still supporting him?" Gerard wasn't even willing to listen to Jerlina and stormed out. "I am not a man if I don't kill him today..."

Jerlina ran after him, but he already left the pub and was walking in larger strides towards TJ's office. She didn't want to run behind him to stop him. She knew Gerry would be killed before reaching two meters near him but she didn't care.

Why should she when he doesn't care for her?

She was disappointed. All she wanted was an acknowledgement from him that she was wronged. But no, he's not willing to do that and at the least, he is not even comforting her and he didn't even ask her about her health. 

What went wrong? Am I in the wrong?

Because she thought about it hard and she didn't find any blunder she made other than believing that TJ despises her. And Emma made her believe that. TJ wasn't very helpful either and just used force on her and locked her up. 

If she knew about the deal she might have been relaxed in captivity, but Gerry didn't bother to tell her that. Or if she believed that the threat to her life was legit... TJ told her that and she didn't believe him because Emma came after Gerard during that time and she thought it was an excuse.

Maybe I am to be blamed... No! The buck doesn't stop with me! I refuse to believe that.

Maybe fate is to be blamed?

She didn't want to return to the office and didn't want to return to the pub even to pay the bill after the scene they caused.

Will they find me later since they know me? Or will I get reported? Should I harden my face and get back in and pay?

She started to worry and her head started to hurt. And it was then she saw the big rock at the distance. After that incident where she lied to that guy and.., she never returned to the pub. 

That rock... It's still there?

Her legs walked there unconsciously. She sat leaning on the rock and caressed the rock. The golden autumn sun reflected in the uneven surfaces of the rock making it look glittery. 

She closed her eyes and in her mind, she went back to that night. The moon was shining bright and noises from the pub were heard from the distance and she was sitting on this rock with that guy. He was fun to be with and had a very deep, sexy voice and a goatee beard. She still couldn't remember his face. 

"You're brighter than the moon above," he said and leaned to kiss her.

She lost her first kiss and first time in the back of a pub, under the moonlight, with a random guy who had a goatee and smelled like pine.

PINE???

TJ's face replaced that guy's face in her memory and she opened her eyes wide and her heart raced.

Have I gone crazy?

She patted her chest.