Chapter 228: Hope

[Music: Untitled #3 - Samskeyti By Sigur Rós]

ANASTASIA

The world was utterly still, and so quiet. Almost as if I was dead. Am I?

I don’t feel anything. It was a scary combination, and the darkness swallowing me whole was difficult to navigate.

I was aware of the darkness around me, but I couldn’t seem to free myself from it even when I knew I had the chance to get out.

It was lonely, and being lonely was one of the scariest, hardest things I had to endure my whole life. I had a father, sister, and a childhood friend, but I was lonelier than I could ever imagine.

And now... I was stuck. It was a different kind of hell. I see no one, hear nothing, and feel nothing.

I’m so scared.

"I’ve been in this room for a long time. I practically live here now. But I have never actually been here, have I, kitten?"

That voice. Z-Zade?

"I’ve been sitting on that fucking sofa, and I never got the courage to walk to you. Imagine that, I... Zayden Salvero didn’t have the guts to come to you. You wanna know why it was hard?"

I feel wet, warm lips against my hand.

"Because my failures stare back at me. I failed you."

"You can’t keep doing this to me, baby. If you wanna punish me, then punish me. Yell at me. Curse me for keeping the truth about your sister from you. Hate me as much as you fucking want."

His hand tightened around mine, bleeding more warmth and stealing the cold away. I could feel him tremble, as though he couldn’t handle the emotions tearing through him all at once.

His voice broke, thick with more emotion than I’d ever heard from him before.

"I can take your anger. Your hatred. Hell, I deserve it. But this... This silence, it’s fucking killing me. I can’t take it."

He pressed his lips against my hand again, and I felt tingles throughout my whole body.

"So please, baby. If you’re gonna punish me, then do that. Just... Don’t leave me alone. Do you hear me?"

I opened my eyes.

Everything was so bright it took numerous blinks, but it wasn’t enough. Somehow, my eyes shifted, but everything was nothing but a blur.

Still, I recognized the person next to me.

My lips parted, but I couldn’t speak or move; all I did was just wait for him to finally notice me, but the longer it played out, the more desperate I became.

It took everything in me to move a finger, and when I did, Zade’s lowered head raised, but he didn’t turn to me yet.

He was confused and weary as he darted his eyes to me, and froze. So I moved my hand again, this time squeezing so hard.

Zade shot up before yelling something, but I didn’t hear him anymore.

I just kept my eyes on him the whole time as the room got crowded. Even when the doctor did his checks. I didn’t let go of his hand.

~☆~

I licked my dry lips, opening my eyes. The light was still too bright, but unlike last time, I could make out details.

I couldn’t remember how long it had been since the doctor swarmed in with a team of nurses. All I knew was I grew tired and needed to close my eyes again.

But I wasn’t afraid to go back to that darkness because a hand was wrapped around mine.

A hand.

Slowly, I moved my head and found large hands still wrapped around mine. A sigh of relief escaped me before I shifted my gaze to Zade, who was watching me intently.

He looked like he hadn’t slept, like he’d spent the entire time watching over me.

"Hey kitten..." he murmured, a small smile on his lips.

My lips parted, and I spoke slowly. "H-Hey."

I wasn’t sure that was my voice. Maybe there was someone else in the room with us because it sounded nothing like me.

However, the broad smile on Zade’s lips told me otherwise.

"When you closed your eyes, you scared me there. But Dr. Keller said you were just sleeping. I wasn’t convinced." He brought my hand to his lips, and I shivered when he kissed my knuckles. "But now I am. How are you feeling?"

I had no idea how to answer that, but something told me I had to. Because of the look in Zade’s eyes, like someone still trying to differentiate reality and dream.

"I feel... heavy."

He chuckled, nodding. "Of course you do. Don’t worry, Dr. Keller said you’re gonna make a full recovery."

"Zade?" I voiced.

He held my hand tightly but didn’t meet my eyes anymore. I may not have noticed it then, but I did now. After all, my surroundings were finally getting clear.

His dark blond hair was disheveled, possibly from how he had run his hand through it countless times. The full layer of stubble covering his jaw gave him an unfamiliar rough edge.

He had always had that roughness about him, but now he looked like a man teetering on the edge of a cliff, one step away from falling.

"They said you may never wake up..." he began, voice tight as though keeping it together with every strength he had. "The possibility was slim."

I blinked, and even though I wanted to speak, I couldn’t. I was so weak that even keeping my eyes open was difficult.

But I had to. I had no idea how long I had been like this, but seeing Zade this way, it must have been a really long time, enough to see him break before my eyes.

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was him, and not in my wildest imagination did I ever think I would see Zade in tears.

This side of him made my heart ache.

His thumb gently stroked my hand. "And now you’re awake. I’m still telling myself that I had too much to drink."

He still couldn’t meet my eyes. He’d been staring at something. I followed his gaze, and my stomach dropped.

I panicked, trying to move, but Zade was quick to hold me. I gripped his arm tightly and shook my head. He said words to me, soothing, telling me it was okay, but I couldn’t find comfort.

My nails dug into his skin as I tried to get him to leave me alone, but he only held me tighter, so I broke down in his arms.

~☆~

"Mrs. Salvero..." Dr. Keller began softly. "There are a few things you need to understand about your injuries, particularly your right leg."

My gaze dropped instinctively to the bulky brace secured around my leg. The more I looked at it, the more I felt like going into a spiral again, but I couldn’t manage that either.

"You sustained significant damage in the accident. There were... multiple fractures, along with extensive damage around the tissue. You had to undergo several surgeries."

I swallowed hard, my fingers tightening around the blanket. "S-Several?"

"The first procedure was focused on stabilizing the fractures and the damaged tissues."

The more he spoke in terms I couldn’t follow, the more my heart sank lower because it all boiled down to one thing.

"Will I be able to walk?" I asked quietly as I finally peeled my eyes away from my leg.

"Yes, Mrs. Salvero, you’ll walk again. But you’ll need extensive rehabilitation. Your muscles have also weakened from being in bed for so long."

"Dancing..." I mumbled under my breath.

"Pardon?"

I darted my teary gaze to Dr. Keller, the tears slipping down my face as my voice cracked. "D-D-Dancing..."

His eyes softened, and his prolonged silence only made my heart thrash wildly in my chest.

"The surgeries have repaired the damage, but..."

My heart sank.

"I need you to understand that returning to professional ballet may not be..." he paused for a while. "...Possible."

A shrill ringing plugged my ears, and the world tilted. The rest of his words became distant, dreadful echoes.

"But it’s too early to know for certain. With rehabilitation, you may regain a great deal of..."

I tuned out his voice. My chest grew so heavy I had difficulty breathing; the air in my lungs collapsing.

"Mrs. Salvero..."

I snapped my gaze to Dr. Keller, and my moment of self-drowning was temporarily paused.

"All hope is not lost," he reassured me.

"Y-You came here to give me a prognosis," I barely managed to say.

"Yes, I did, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give you hope. That’s just as much a part of my job."

My bottom lip trembled.

"I understand this is difficult, and you’re probably feeling like it’s all over."

A sob ripped from me. "I-I-Isn’t it?"

"You’re a strong woman, Mrs. Salvero, and I know you’re gonna get through this. We’ll take it one step at a time."

I nodded, using the back of my hand to wipe away my tears.