Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World

Chapter 90 – PETA Protests as Florida Man Murders Two Amazon Caimans and Seduces Unicorn

Although many sects were sent to the same mystic realm as Leo, not everyone could get this privilege. Yan Zhu’s people, the Fatui Cult, the Death Sword Sect, and other major sects were sent to other planets.

Meanwhile, two organizations that Leo knew were in the same realm as his. At the east of Leo’s current location was the skyscraper pagoda. At the foot of the structure, Hua Jiashan, Han Hao, Han Meng, Tiger Swordsman, and six disciples gathered at looked at the structure in awe. Their mystic realm portal was also behind them.

A hundred meters away, another portal brought the women from the Amazonian Sanctuary there. They also admired the tall building as they had never seen anything like this.

Hua Jiashan noticed the elders from the sanctuary. As he led a smaller sect, he went to greet them to give face. He went to the leader of the group, who was a thin woman in a wooden wheelchair.

Despite sitting in a wheelchair, the grand elder of the Amazonian Sanctuary, Dongfang Mei, was a soul transformation cultivator, a realm higher than Hua Jiashan. Her age was the same as his, but Hua Jiashan had to show respect to this woman.

Dongfang Mei had short white hair, sunken cheeks, and wilted skin. Her hunchback and her condition made her look like a 100-year-old grandma that needed her children’s support.

The grand elder gazed at the approaching man and recognized him. After all, he was like her little brother.

“Little Jiashan, you’re here, too.”

“Senior Dongfang, it’s good to see you again. You’re still healthy, I see.”

“Kekeke, I won’t die that easily. I managed to snag a bottle of rejuvenate tea from my disciple! Do you know that I’m looking 10 years younger?”

Hua Jiashan didn’t know what to answer as Dongfang Mei still looked the same to him. He changed the subject, “So, are you going to explore this building?”

“Hmm. We don’t have a place for my girls to stay and cultivate. We might as well take shelter in that building. Oh, your group should come along. Just be mindful of the distance since my disciples are inexperienced with men.”

“… We’ll be mindful. I’ll warn them.”

The two groups came to an agreement that they would explore this place together. However, their disciples couldn’t interact as they were too young and inexperienced. In short, romantic relationship between disciples was strictly forbidden.

The elders of the two sects protected their disciples with their arrays and sent them to the pagoda. All 20 explorers entered the building. But as soon as everybody got inside, steel bars slammed down and locked everybody in.

BOOM

“!!!”

Han Hao and Han Meng rushed to the entrance, but the exit was blocked by the steel bars. They brought out their swords and attempted to slice it.

DONG

A semi-transparent energy wall appeared and bounced the swords back. The two swordsmen took two steps backward and stared at the energy wall in shock.

Hua Jiashan and Dongfang Mei looked around. Then, they sighed.

“As usual, a cage trap.”

“Yes. It seems this place is either a test site or a ritual temple.”

“Probably the former. No sentry is here, and no sign of Qi torrent is around.”

“True.”

It was not the first time that Hua Jiashan and Dongfang Mei encountered this situation. They had seen similar traps and mechanisms in the other mystic realms before, and they deemed that this trap wasn’t dangerous.

Seeing that their seniors were calm and collected, the disciples and their subordinates didn’t make noise. Hua Jiashan and Dongfang Mei also ordered the people to start cultivating and resting for the day.

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.

Wu Buyi sweated profusely. After eating the wasp’s leg, he sensed a strange life force energy, and he could feel that his foundation was strengthened. However, he couldn’t take another bite.

His stomach growled. Because he had never eaten anything solid other than grain pills all his life, his stomach rejected solid food. He felt nauseous and dizzy.

“BLECH!!”

A minute later, Wu Buyi vomited the food out. Some of the life force energy left him, but he managed to absorb a small amount.

While Wu Buyi was vomiting his food, Leo returned and dropped more wasps on the ground. Then, he noticed the condition of his employee.

“Ah, you ate it, didn’t you?”

Wu Buyi bitterly looked at his master. He nodded, “Y-Yes, my lord.”

Leo shrugged, “This is why you shouldn’t be overly dependent on grain pills. Your stomach is very weak right now. If you haven’t eaten anything solid for years, you should start off with light food, such as soup or something easy to digest. Chewy stuff is a no-go.”

“…”

Wu Buyi wanted to argue that it was against common sense here as hard food was toxic to cultivators. Meat, vegetables, fruits, and other mortal’s processed food carried a lot of impurities, and it would take a long time to remove them.

Still, Wu Buyi remembered that Leo had been eating strange stuff. He saw Leo eat immortal grass and golden sand banana before, but he didn’t seem to have an issue with impurity.

Fortunately, as an alchemist, Wu Buyi had the mindset of a scientist. Because of Leo’s example, he had new inspiration and a theory regarding hard food.

‘What if our cultivation method and traditions are wrong all along? What if Lord Florida Man is using a more efficient cultivation method?’

Being inspired, Wu Buyi got rid of his ego. He accepted and learned new things as if he was an empty glass.

“I’ll keep that in mind, my lord.”

Seeing how obedient Wu Buyi was, Leo felt bad for the guy. He thought of a way to improve Wu Buyi’s health and came up with a simple solution – the online store.

Leo opened his system menu, browsing the medicine section in the store. He wondered if the modern antiseptic or any drug for underfeeding or excessive fasting.

However, the drug section was overpriced, just like the food section. Each pallet had a price tag of 10,000 YOL or higher.

As Leo couldn’t rely on modern meds or food, he could only come up with local ones. He looked around to see if there was any useful food ingredient for a malnourished man. He looked around the campsite.

While looking, his eyes met with a lurking cockatrice’s, who warily stared at Leo 200 meters away.

“Right. Chicken soup!”

Not wasting time, Leo put on his gloves and vanished. Two seconds later, he returned as if he teleported back, but his hands twisted the neck of the poor cockatrice.

“I have an idea, Wu Buyi. Let’s train your stomach with light soup first. I’ll cook chicken soup for you. Oh, I’ll cook for Gao Yan too.”

“…”

Wu Buyi blankly looked at Leo. Although he heard that unorthodox sects refined monster meat into grain pills, he had never thought of eating monster meat as real food.

Meanwhile, Leo had no idea what Wu Buyi had been through. He hummed and plucked the chicken’s feathers without mutating them. After the task, Leo paused for a moment and looked at Wu Buyi.

“Do you have a knife? A sharp one?”

“…”

Wu Buyi silently handed over his treasure short sword that he kept for protection. It could also be used as a lighter or a flame thrower.

Leo received the red knife and inspected it. Upon seeing the fancy carving on the blades, he pursed his lips and flipped the knife around. After getting the hang of it, Leo chopped off the cockatrice’s head and the three snake tails.

POK-POK

Skillfully and nimbly, Leo split open the chicken’s stomach, removing its innards and blood. A red orb fell off its body and landed on the mushy intestines.

Leo noticed it. He picked it up and looked at Wu Buyi for a moment.

“Catch.”

“Eh?”

Leo tossed the monster core to the alchemist. Then, he bragged, “I already ate too many. You keep that. When your stomach gets better, try eating it. It gives you 500 years of lifespan.”

“W-WHAT?!” Wu Buyi forgot about his stomach pain and dizziness. His eyes brightened as he learned something absurd and astonishing, “Really, my lord?!” 

“Why should I lie to you? I already ate a dozen wasp balls… Whoops, no pun intended. Anyway, I can’t let my employee live a short life. What do you think will happen if I show your lifespan status to future customers and find out that you have a shorter lifespan than the others? That’s gonna embarrass us. So, as the face of my store, I need you to live a very long life, okay?”

Leo didn’t tell Wu Buyi that he was full. As Leo only had one mouth to eat, he believed that having more mouths to eat this good food would earn him extra YOL income. Thus, he planned to mutate Wu Buyi’s stomach and enabled him to earn some YOL the same way Leo had done in the past. Once Wu Buyi could eat random things and gain lifespan, Leo could scam Wu Buyi by selling him some random products or essence stones later.

In short, Leo was a witch, and Wu Buyi was either Hansel or Gretel. The former wanted the latter fat, so he could eat him later. 

On the other hand, Wu Buyi was moved to tears. He couldn’t believe that Leo was so nice to him. He soon wailed, “My lord! I swear with my dao oath! I’ll follow you to the end of the world!”

“Yes, yes. You should.”

Leo brightly smiled while he hang the chicken upside down, draining more blood from the meat. He also glanced at the large river behind Gao Yan and Wu Buyi as he noticed a horn of another caiman in the water.

For the sake of their safety, Leo tossed the innards into the river. As soon as the bloody intestines and heart entered the water, two caimans jumped out and competed to get the food.

Wu Buyi snapped back to his senses and looked at the river. When he noticed that two 9th-stage monsters appeared, he shrieked in fright and crawled toward Leo.

“Seriously, you… don’t you have any pride?” Leo frowned at Wu Buyi.

“B-But they’re 9th-stage…”

“Haiya…”

Leo rolled his eyes. He walked closer to the river and raised his right foot. Then, he stomped the ground.

BOOM

The river was split in half, but the two caimans were shot up to the sky because of the pressure. Meanwhile, Leo threw the red knife at one of them.

PU!

It pierced through the first caiman’s head.

PU

After going through the first caiman’s head, the knife stabbed the forehead of the second caiman. Both monsters widened their eyes in shock before their consciousness faded to black.

BOOM

BOOM

Both gigantic monsters fell into the river. Leo snorted and dove into the river and dragged the two monsters to the river bank. When he returned, the river’s surface was painted in rainbow color, and the two caimans started to turn blacker.

Leo pulled out the red knife. But as he was about to reuse it for cooking, it broke.

“…”

Leo felt bad for Wu Buyi. He returned the broken treasure knife to the guy, “I’ll find you a new one. My bad.”

Wu Buyi quietly received the knife and looked at the two 9th-stage monsters. He had no words to explain the roller-coaster emotions.

‘T-Two immortal beasts go down… just like that? With my low-grade treasure sword? B-But does that mean Lord Florida Man will get two extra 9th-grade monster cores?! Oh, dear lord…’

.

.

At 10 kilometers south of Leo’s location, a white horse with a long straight horn gazed at Leo from the opposite side of the river. The unicorn neighed and trotted in excitement as if it had found something precious.

The unicorn ran in a circle for a minute. After it had warmed up, silver light glowed on its hooves. Then, it started walking toward the river.

Instead of falling into the river, it walked on the surface. Then, it picked up the pace, charging toward Leo’s group at full speed.