Novel Full 110 Locals Refuse to Call Cops after Witnessing Florida Man Urinating on Wooden Mannequin in front of His 6-Year-Old Daughter, "We saw nothing!"
Chapter 110 – Locals Refuse to Call Cops after Witnessing Florida Man Urinating on Wooden Mannequin in front of His 6-Year-Old Daughter, “We saw nothing!”
Han Hao was shameless. Instead of listening and waiting for his turn to chat, he self-inserted into the conversation and sold his sect to Leo. Moreover, he hadn’t gotten approval from Hua Jiashan yet.
Leo frowned and brought out a paper fan from his spatial ring. He smacked the shameless old man’s head in front of the crowd.
PA!
The elders were taken aback. But when they noticed that Leo did it to punish Han Hao, the corners of their mouths curved up as they found the situation funny.
“Pipe it down. You have to talk to Hua Jiashan first if you want to merge your sect with my company.”
“C-Can we really serve you, senior?!” Han Hao gulped as he thought that he had jumped the gun. However, Leo didn’t decline the offer.
“I’m planning to poach disciples from your sect anyway. If you can migrate to my domain and help me fortify my territory, I have no reason to refuse.”
“WOOOOO!!”
Han Hao forgot about manners and raised his arms to the sky, celebrating. Everybody stared at the weird old man with a blank expression.
When Han Hao came back to his senses, he coughed and rubbed their hands, “About the wage… can we get the essence stones too?”
Leo rolled his eyes, “Go fetch Hua Jiashan and we’ll discuss the wage!”
“YES, SENIOR!”
Han Hao laughed and turned around to look at Han Meng and Tiger Swordsman. The two elders frowned at their grand elder.
“What are you looking at?”
Han Meng grumbled, “You’re crazy, Father. Sect Master is not going to like this. Life Sword Sect was found by the sword saint, and he was Sect Master Hua’s ancestor. He won’t disband his sect to serve Senior Florida Man.”
“Well, we’ll find out.”
While Leo and the group chatted previously, Han Hao had been chatting with Hua Jiashan via voice transmission, which was a common skill of cultivators with at least one dao avatar.
Hua Jiashan promised Han Hao that he would return to chat with Leo. Han Hao was waiting for the sect master to be here.
Meanwhile, Leo shifted his attention to Xu Nuan. He believed that she might need her master’s permission to move her people as well. Thus, he waited for the two big shots to arrive.
While waiting, Xu Nuan was curious about Leo’s background. She boldly asked him, “Senior Florida Man. Since we will work for you, we wish to know more about you. Could you tell us about yourself?”
“Ah, an interview?” Leo snickered, “I’m supposed to interview you, not the other way around, though.”
“Please satisfy our curiosity, senior. At least, we need to know who and what we are working for. What is your goal? Why are you expanding your domain? Where were you from? And how strong are you?”
Xu Nuan dropped the most important question that Han Hao and others were dying to know. They stopped talking to listen.
Leo looked at the group of old men and women. He deeply sighed and looked at Yao Qiqi, afraid that she might get bored as the adults forgot about her.
Betraying Leo’s expectation, Yao Qiqi mumbled as if she was chatting with someone or something. Leo followed her gaze and found the reason.
The wooden mannequin spirit came out from his alien ring and sat in front of Yao Qiqi. They seemed to converse in a silent language that the others couldn’t eavesdrop or hear.
Since Yao Qiqi was busy, Leo returned his attention to the group of elders. He briefly explained.
“As you’ve guessed, I’m not from this planet.”
“I knew it!” Han Hao smacked his knees as he had predicted it. “Which immortal realm are you from, senior?”
‘Immortal realm?’
Leo pursed his lips as he didn’t remember that Earth had that fantasy background except for the mutated monsters and thick radiation gas.
Still, the strength of Earth’s monsters, mutated insects, Godzillas, and Kaijus was a lot superior to the unicorns and the horn caimans of this realm. Even Situ Nantian couldn’t hold a candle against one of them.
As Leo didn’t know how to explain, he described the environment of Earth.
“It was a place with thick gas and huge monsters. Half of them are capable of injuring me while the other half can potentially kill me if I’m not careful.”
Han Hao and Xu Nuan nodded as they could vividly picture the harsh environment of an immortal realm. Still, Xu Nuan wished to know the detail. She probed for more information.
“Which rank are they, senior? I heard the 10th-rank monster beast are immortal beasts, but we have never seen an 11th-rank or higher. Can you tell me the average strength of those monsters?”
Leo pursed his lips and counted his fingers. As he had no idea how the locals categorized a monster’s strength, he told them the truth.
“I’ve never counted. Well, I know that they are immune to red lightning, but they can still die if black lightning hit them.”
“R-R-RED LIGHTNING?! D-DO YOU MEAN RED LIGHTNING TRIBULATIONS?!”
Han Hao and Xu Nuan uttered in unison. As they were the most educated people in the group, they had studied a lot about heavenly tribulation lightning’s variations.
Xu Nuan narrated her thoughts to make sure her knowledge matched Leo’s.
“Senior. If I remember correctly, the red lightning tribulation is called the baptism of god. My sanctuary’s ancestors and seniors who had already ascended to the immortal realms used to leave us with a note. They said that the gold lightning tribulation separated mortals and immortals apart. Orange lightning tribulation separates weak immortals from the strong, and the red lightning tribulation weeds out untalented immortals from reaching godhood.”
“G-Godhood!?”
This time, Tiger Swordsman, Han Meng, and the other sanctuary’s elders were shocked. They looked at Leo again as they had a sick hypothesis in their mind.
“S-Senior Florida Man. Are you god?!” Han Meng was the first to ask.
Leo smirked and sarcastically replied, “If red lightning bolts can make those Kaijus gods, then I’m probably a creator. Hell, I got killed and resurrected by black lightning bolts once. Y’all have no idea how nasty that black lightning bolts were. One direct hit is always game over.”
“…”
The elders failed to comprehend what Leo talked about. As for Xu Nuan, she trembled in fear and respect.
“T-There’s another color?”
Leo shrugged, “Black is the strongest from what I’ve been through. Red and orange are merely food for me.”
“…”
Han Hao’s face lost all color. He took several deep breaths and readdressed Leo’s title.
“T-Then, Great Venerable Florida Man, are you from a deity realm?”
Hearing the question, Leo burst into laughter. He thought of his old world and pranked them, “Well, probably. Considering that the Dao of Florida is eternal and their will lives within me, you can say that Florida is the land of gods.”
“!!!”
As soon as they heard the affirmative from Leo’s mouth, all of them kneeled and prostrated to Leo. Everybody sweated profusely as they no longer dared to disrespect him or casually chat with him.
“Lord, sir! P-Please forgive us for the past offenses! We really didn’t know that you are a deity!”
Xu Nuan even smacked her face, “Please forgive this insolent lady, Lord God! I-I overstepped my boundary! I shouldn’t have asked you to take Yao Qiqi!”
“Huh?”
Leo’s expression turned ugly. He thought about what he said and smacked his forehead. Correcting his mistakes, he tried to downplay his earlier sentences.
“Guys. That was a joke. I’m no god. I’m still a being with flesh and blood. See this?”
Proving that he was a mortal, Leo cut the tip of his finger with his nail and showed them his transparent blood. Little did he know that transparent blood was exclusive to immortals and higher beings, who cultivated the purest element essences.
“C-Clear blood!?”
“No, that’s heaven’s blood!”
The elders smacked their foreheads to the floor. They firmly believed that Leo was either a high-ranking deity or someone stronger than average immortals.
Seeing their reactions, Leo facepalmed. He thought to himself.
‘Man, why are these people so stupid? Even the homeless zombies in San Fran are smarter than you!’
.
Because of the misunderstanding, Leo was treated like a king. No one dared to stand in front of Leo. Everybody still prostrated on the floor as Leo never told them to raise their heads or look up. The awkward silence continued for five minutes.
On the other hand, Yao Qiqi ignored the manner and clung to Leo’s hand. As the adults stopped talking, she started chirping, monopolizing the conversation with Leo.
“Senior angel! Your dao avatar tells me that you bullied him. Did you do it?”
“Dao avatar?” Leo raised his eyebrows for a moment and remembered that he had a stalking mannequin ghost with his face. He snickered, “Do you mean the wood mannequin spirit that has my face?”
“Yes! He said that you almost killed him when he was born. He didn’t understand why you bullied him when he tried to help you.”
The adults eavesdropped the conversation. They looked up and sneaked a glance at Yao Qiqi, secretly praising her for initiating an interesting topic.
Leo looked at his ring and deeply sighed. He patted Yao Qiqi’s head and sat next to her.
“Ah, that was a misunderstanding. I didn’t know that he was my dao avatar at that time. I was in a bad mood because I didn’t know what gnosis was, so I kinda mistook him as a local spirit.”
Yao Qiqi pouted, “But you shouldn’t treat him badly. You must apologize to him.”
Leo paused to think for a few seconds. Then, he nodded, “Alright. I’ll apologize to him. By the way, where is he?”
WHOOSH
The mannequin spirit manifested its body and stood in front of Leo. However, nobody but Leo and Yao Qiqi could see him.
The sentient dao avatar had a mind of its own like Thora, who was the dao avatar of Gao Yan. However, it didn’t have a name as it was a newborn spirit.
The mannequin stared at Leo. Although his face was the same as his master’s, he couldn’t express himself well as he could only dully look at the other party.
Leo gazed at his own dao avatar. He took a deep breath and deeply sighed. Then, he lowered his head, bowing while sitting.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you were my dao avatar, and I harmed you.”
Had it been in the past when Leo was a human, he would have never apologized to anybody. Instead, he would have made an excuse. But as he aged and lived in seclusion for years, the past mistakes always haunted him at night and when he found something nostalgic.
It hurt him. He wished that he could have thrown away his ego and acted like a decent human back then.
When Yao Qiqi reminded Leo that he should apologize, Leo had a flashback of his Karen self when he hurt others with his words. As he didn’t want to become that stupid Florida Man again, he swallowed his pride and accepted his mistakes.
The dao avatar flinched when Leo apologized to him. Although he was angry and dissatisfied with Leo, the dao avatar’s mood got better. He sat in front of Leo and raised his fist.
Leo noticed it. He fist-bumped the mannequin.
When their fists touched, Leo finally heard the mannequin’s voice clearly.
‘Learn some common sense of this world, you idiot.’
Leo bitterly smiled, “My bad. Yeah, I’m an idiot. By the way, are we cool?”
‘Fine. No next time, though. If you do that to me again, I’ll really ditch you.’
“Sorry about that. Anyway, what do you drink or eat? Tell me so I can feed you.”
The mannequin finally revealed a bright smile. Then, he shocked Leo with his demand.
‘Plant me somewhere and piss on me.’
“…”
Leo awkwardly glanced at Yao Qiqi. The girl pouted and yelled at the spirit.
“NO BAD WORDS! What are you saying in front of a six-year-old girl?!”
Leo & Dao Avatar: “…”