Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World

Chapter 107 – Philanthropist “Mr. Florida Man” Teaches Teen Carjacking Techniques and How to Survive Cop Chases

WHOOSH

Leo finally returned to the campsite after a few days of exploration. Upon arrival, he noticed some changes.

The first change was Gao Yan. Although he hadn’t moved from the portal area, his aura and presence changed – His pupils and sclera were pure green, and his skin was covered in tree barks. Two antler horns grew from his temples, but they gathered terrifying energy. 

Lightning branches kept coming out from Gao Yan’s horns. High-voltage lightning bolts randomly struck the river, mangrove trees, and the shelter that Leo and Wu Buyi had made.

PA

One of the lightning bolts hit Leo’s chest. It burnt his T-shirt, and it left a black mark on his chest. The stain quickly vanished as Leo’s skin absorbed the rampaging Qi of Gao Yan.

Gao Yan gave Leo an apologetic look. He bowed his head several times to apologize to Leo, but his action made his thunder horns send out more lightning strikes toward the latter.

Leo observed the color of the lightning bolts. Fortunately, they were colorless, and their destructive power was similar to regular lightning bolts from Earth during the pre-apocalypse era.

“Stop pointing those horns at me. Point them at the sky or something. If better, dip your head into the water and zap those caimans for me. I’m craving some freshwater fish and caiman meat.”

Gao Yan wryly smiled and tried his best to lean his head backward. Although he tilted his head, the horns still unleashed more lightning bolts and hit everything that moved around him.

BANG

One of the lightning bolts hit Wu Buyi, who had been sulking in a collapsed shelter.

Leo turned his attention to Wu Buyi. Upon seeing him hugging his knees inside a leaf shelter, Leo approached him.

“What’s happening, Wu Buyi? Why are you sulking here? Did someone bully you?”

Wu Buyi looked at Leo’s face. His eyes were teary as if he had been crying.

“M-My lord… I…”

Leo felt bad for Wu Buyi. He thought that something went wrong with the latter’s cultivation or items.

“Tell me. What’s wrong?”

Wu Buyi glanced at Gao Yan. He sniffed and confessed, “While you were away, Gao Yan… had a breakthrough.”

“Oh, isn’t that nice? Your disciple is getting stronger. But why are you sad?”

“He… he…” Wu Buyi sobbed. Teardrops rolled down from his eyes while he looked at Leo’s face.

“He, what?”

“After the breakthrough, he faced the heaven’s tribulation lightning.”

“And?”

“He transcended it.”

Leo was puzzled as there was no reason for Wu Buyi to cry or sadden. He frowned and stared into Wu Buyi’s eyes, “And?”

“He… awakens a dao avatar.”

“AND???”

“That dao avatar… is a lightning spirit from the heaven tribulation clouds.”

“…”

Wu Buyi cried harder. He raised his voice, “Isn’t this unfair, my lord?! He’s only like… 16?! Look at him. His cultivation base has already caught up to me! That’s not all, he got himself a sexy sentient dao avatar! Look at him, my lord. LOOK!!”

Leo facepalmed. He got the gist of it, but he glanced at Gao Yan.

After a careful look, Leo noticed a transparent body of a young maiden, cladded in electricity. The outline of her refined curvy hips and bosoms was ideal for a young lady as she was not too fat or slim. Moreover, although her face couldn’t be seen, Leo vaguely saw the gleams of her eyes, which stared directly at him.

Leo deeply sighed. He gently grabbed a 2-inch thick tree branch nearby. Using less than 1% of his true force, Leo swung it down, bonking Wu Buyi.

BONK

The impact was strong enough to send a regular adult man to ICU. Fortunately, Wu Buyi was a nascent soul cultivator, so this impact was the same as a mild smack to the back of the head.

“You senile old coot! Is that why you’re jealous of your disciple?!”

Wu Buyi yelped and covered his head. He looked at Leo and wept, “But that’s a sentient dao avatar, my lord! In the future, that dao avatar can manifest her physical body. And, and… In legends, the manifested dao avatars of the opposite gender usually served their masters as their concubines-“

BONK

Leo heard enough. He hit Wu Buyi again. This time, he used 1% of his strength.

The impact stunned Wu Buyi. He fell to the ground, and a large bump grew on his bald head.

After Wu Buyi stopped talking, Leo reminded him. 

“How old are you this year?”

“108, my lord.”

Leo tossed the tree branch away. He purchased a sheet of A3 paper and folded it into a fan.

WHOOSH

Although it was a paper fan, it could be deadly in the hands of Leo. He used two percent of his strength and smacked Wu Buyi’s head for the third time.

PA!

The sound was crisp as the folded fan always caused a loud noise upon impact. Still, because of Leo’s abnormal strength and speed, the fan caught fire after the hit.

Wu Buyi got knocked to the ground once again. He failed to get up this time as he started seeing stars.

Leo shouted at Wu Buyi.

“You’re freaking over 100 years old, and you’re still envious of a junior because he has a potential pretty wife?! What are you, a sex-depraved 14-year-old virgin?!”

While his head was an inch deep in the ground, Wu Buyi cried, “Yes, my lord. I have been cultivating all my life, and I have never touched a woman before. I wish I have a pretty woman by my side, too!”

“…”

Wu Buyi raised his head and wailed, “I’M A PATHETIC LONELY 100-YEAR-OLD MAN, MASTER! WAAAA!!”

“…”

Leo double-facepalmed. He understood something that he never wished he would learn.

‘Come to think of it, I never saw a female disciple from Life Sword Sect. All their elders and disciples are men. Only Xu Nuan and her people are women… Wait. Are their sects gender-based?’

Cultivators were lonely creatures. They either spent most of their time cultivating, training, procuring resources, and working to increase their strength. Talented young men usually spent their youthful period in seclusion or got trapped in a male-only sect, such as Life Sword Sect.

Leo figured that Wu Buyi might have spent decades in cultivation and pill-making arts, which was why he never touched a woman.

‘Poor sod. Well, that’s understandable. This world has no internet or Dutch wives. It’s already a miracle that he doesn’t swing that way.’

Thinking of the internet, Leo remembered that he had bought a smartphone for the white dragon fruit tree. He injected his Qi into all five spatial rings, searching if he had picked it when he brought the tree and the eyeball along.

Fortunately, it was still there. Leo’s 8,000 years of lifespan wasn’t lost along with the destroyed mountain.

WHOOSH

Leo ejected the smartphone out. He fiddled with it, checking if he could still access a wild site.

DUN-DUN-DUN PA-DUM-TSS

As Leo had expected, as soon as Leo accessed THAT website and pressed on a random video, the iconic theme song sounded.

Seeing the old porn website, Leo snickered. Although he doubted how the phone could still enter a modern internet website, he turned off his brain and showed Wu Buyi the phone.

“Look here, baldy. I’ll teach you a way to relieve some boredom. This is one of many toys I have in my previous world…”

Leo sat in front of Wu Buyi, teaching him how to use a modern smartphone.

.

Two hours of crash course worked wonders. Although Wu Buyi had never heard of the internet and smartphones before, a senior alchemist like him quickly adapted to the technologies. He understood how the apps, browsers, and the internet worked.

As if Wu Buyi’s mental age regressed to a child, he sat alone, staring at the phone with bloodshot eyes. Although Wu Buyi didn’t understand the language of many websites and apps, he got addicted to the images and the videos, especially the sites with many sexy women.

Seeing that Wu Buyi had something to distract the depressing thoughts, Leo was relieved. He decided to give Wu Buyi that phone.

“Don’t be obsessed with it, okay? The Internet can be addictive, but it’s a useful tool to broaden one’s horizon…”

“AHN! YES! AH! AHN!”

“…”

The sound from the phone was enough to tell Leo what video Wu Buyi was watching. Once again, Leo slapped his forehead and facepalmed. He left the old man alone as he needed it.

After ditching Wu Buyi, Leo walked toward Gao Yan. The latter’s condition hadn’t improved as he still couldn’t suppress the rampaging lightning Qi in his antler horns.

Gao Yan’s horns reminded Leo of someone he had forgotten. Finally, Leo remembered the missing guy.

“Where is Taxi?”

Leo looked around and realized that Taxi wasn’t there with him. He jumped 5 kilometers to the sky and scanned the landscape.

The pervert horse was nowhere to be seen.

After the landing, Leo planned to shout to call the horse. But then, he remembered that this realm had become a part of his domain. Since it was within Leo’s domain, he should be able to use the map to pinpoint the unicorn.

Putting his thought to work, Leo opened the shop domain menu and checked the map.

DING

It worked. The system map revealed the entire world.

This world only consisted of one big Pangea, aka a single supercontinent. Its overall shape was round in the west and north, but the southeast was long and narrow.

It looked like a jellyfish with two tentacles, facing west.

The pyramid was located to the northwest of the continent. As for the mountains, they were at the edge of the continent, next to the endless sea. The pagoda town was at the entrance to the east peninsula. As for their campsite location, it was directly south of the pyramid, located at the southwest of the continent.

BEEP

Red dots and green dots indicated allies and potential foes on the map. Leo noticed the face icons of Hua Jiashan, Han Hao, Han Meng, Tiger Swordsman, Xu Nuan, and Yao Qiqi in the pagoda town. About 30 red dots traveled in groups, wandering around the map. As for Taxi, he was in the middle of the North Sea.

“What the hell is he doing over there?”

As Taxi might know something about lightning Qi and the cultivation method, Leo decided to go and fetch him to the camp.

“Stay there, Gao Yan. I’m going to get you a new mentor. I’ll be back.”

Because Leo couldn’t fly, he decided to bring out the red flying sword of Situ Nantian.

WHOOM

After being ejected from a spatial ring, the flying sword hummed and floated in front of Leo. The latter hopped on it and stood tall.

Gao Yan widened his eyes and gazed at the flying sword in admiration. He recognized the model.

“Isn’t this the Pherrari F50 model? I heard it’s a limited edition! Senior, how did you get it?”

Leo raised his eyebrows when Gao Yan mentioned the brand name. He was amused.

“What did you say? Ferrari?”

“Umm, Pherrari, senior.”

“…”

Leo looked at the flying sword and thought of the race cars in his old world. Thinking how they sounded the same, Leo laughed.

“Ever heard of GTA, boy?”

“Gee-Tee-Ay?”

“It’s a culture in my world, you see?”

Leo proceeded to explain what GTA meant and how to GTA someone.