FFF-Class Trashero

Chapter 441

[Extra] SSS-Class Barbarian (3)

In the past, the Earth was beautiful but covered in soot.

However, its atmosphere dramatically improved as the frequent invasions of aliens introduced advanced civilizations from space.

Fantasy was no different.

“Whoa!”

My body no longer needed to breathe, but having a smooth oxygen supply made me feel like I could think a little clearer and faster.

Still, If I were to keep pursuing efficiency alone, I should also remove the need for internal organs and genitals.

Yes. A perfect body like Master Mollan’s… Huh?

“Huh? What is the Great One doing on this shabby planet?”

“I took him with me.”

“Mollan~”

“Se-e-e-ex~”

I soon realized whose arms he was in.

“Ssosia. What’s going on here?”

“That’s what I want to ask you. Why are you here even though your parents no longer are? There’s no villain strong enough on Earth that requires my handsome husband’s assistance.” My cowardly wife asked sharply, clearly dissatisfied even though she was already my first spouse.

I didn’t have a tracker on my body, but many people around me could tell her about my location.

Who did this?

『A certain innocent goddess claims to be innocent.』

『A certain relaxed deity hides behind someone’s back.』

『A certain restless demonic god whistles nonchalantly.』

『A certain evil spirit says he isn’t responsible for this.』

『A certain god distributes popcorn to the suspects.』

…

Too many candidates…

Since Master Mollan was here, and I didn’t get caught trying to do anything bad anyway, I decided to be honest.

“There’s a famous restaurant here.”

“It’s been more than 30 years. What makes you think it’s still open?”

“It’s just that great of an establishment.”

“Sounds like you came here blindly without doing any preliminary research.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

“Yes! But since I’ve already come all the way here, I want to eat with you.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you!”

Her fierce eyes, which were akin to that of a wildcat trying to cut off the last breath of a panting prey, returned to their usual cowardly fox mien.

Shoving Master Mollan between her cowardly breasts, she hurriedly stuck to me and wrapped her arms around mine.

“Se-e-e-ex~!”

“… Just tell that guy to be quiet.”

“Why?”

“Se-e-e-ex?”

“It would be better for you not to know.”

“Let’s go!”

She restlessly pulled and urged me without knowing the location of the restaurant as she brimmed with child-like excitement. I was going to scold her for it but decided not to.

“What about our child?”

“My aunt and mom are taking care of him.”

“I see.”

It was too obvious, but we clearly needed to have a conversation because people were starting to look at us suspiciously.

This was wisdom based on my experience.

I needed to indirectly inform them we were already married to avoid misunderstanding.

I wouldn’t cause any trouble to warrant the cops’ attention, but I didn’t want to cause a fuss in my hometown.

I was on vacation, after all.

I want to take a quiet break while pondering the beautiful memories of the past before returning to work.

“Are they a married couple?”

“His wife looks like a foreigner.”

“She’s so beautiful.”

“Haha! That man’s quite capable…”

“She sold her soul for money.”

Their whispers entered my ears one after another.

Though they firmly believed I couldn’t hear them, listening in on them was nothing to a god who could eavesdrop on noises on the other side of the world if so desired.

Many of their assumptions were disrespectful, making me confused why Ssosia was still smiling in this situation.

“Are you okay, wife? You look happy.”

“Of course. We’re on a date. And if my research is correct, I’d be my husband’s first date, right?”

“Ah!”

She felt good because she was my ‘first’ date, didn’t she?

I thought she had gotten over it already, but it seemed her obsession with the word first remained undaunted.

“I see many couples holding bread that look like crucian carp, husband. By any chance…”

“That’s right. That fish-shaped bun is the specialty of the restaurant I’m looking for.”

“What’s black bean paste, by the way? It looks like it goes inside the bread.”

“You’ll know when you taste it.”

“Huh.”

Since their business went well, many fakes appeared around them, but they couldn’t surpass the taste of the original.

Ssosia and I stood quietly at the very back of a long queue.

“We’ll have to wait an hour.”

“Well…”

She didn’t seem to mind, though.

Resting her head on my shoulder, she quietly enjoyed the situation.

But we couldn’t even do that in silence.

“Aww!”

“Hey!”

“Argh?!”

The men mesmerized by Ssosia’s beauty screamed as their sides were pinched by their girlfriends or wives.

Poor souls…

By Earth’s standards, Ssosia was considered a goddess, but in Fantasy, she was just a little above average.

She was the second most gorgeous woman in the universe, after all.

All but those who thought their girlfriends and wives were the prettiest wherever she went were captivated by her beauty.

“Hmm~♪”

“You seem to be liking this situation, considering you’re even humming.”

“I didn’t like attention when I was younger and only got used to it. Now that I’m married to you, handsome husband, it feels different.”

“How so?”

“Hehehe!”

“…”

Instead of answering properly, she gave out a despicable laugh similar to the Addicted Spirit.

Did she eat something wrong?

Time passed surprisingly quickly.

This was thanks to the people giving way to us even though this famous restaurant already produced fish-shaped buns like a factory.

I didn’t know why, but they seemed reluctant to have us standing behind them.

“From the commoners’ perspective, they probably feel like an emperor was standing behind them.”

“I’m a Hero.”

A Hero, in Fantasy, had a comforting presence, not a burdensome one.

But the pure souls of earthlings seemed to think otherwise.

“Isn’t it because they don’t know you’re a Hero? There was that time when you became the cute emperor, and you’re also a handsome man sculpted in Fantasy itself.”

“… Is that so?”

I decided not to think too deeply about it.

With the couples and tourists giving way to us, we were able to order in no time at all.

I remembered this place’s menu being simple, but their available options increased quite a lot after so many years.

Fish-shaped buns with other fillings instead of black bean paste had been added to the list.

While I was looking at the menu, my cowardly wife conversed with a soft-spoken employee.

“Hey… Is he really your husband?”

“Yes. Isn’t he handsome?”

“… Huh? Yes! That’s right! It’s like he came out of a dream…”

“Whew! That’s a given!”

“…”

For us, who didn’t need nutrition, we only ate for pleasure, not survival.

The size of our stomach was also infinite, so we could enjoy it until we got tired of it.

Since my parents didn’t come here often, I ordered an amount that far exceeded two people.

“Give me three of everything on the menu.”

“For takeout?”

“Dine-in.”

“That’s too many… Uh, please take this queue ticket and wait.”

After paying with the black card I received from Factoria in the past, I headed to a place filled with memories.

The restaurant we dined at was now gone, but at least this place, where we shared a fish-shaped bun, was still open.

“Where to sit…”

I remembered occupying the table on the corner of the restaurant with her since it was suitable for young couples who were too shy to be in the center of attention of others.

Why did we even go on a school trip to this gloomy place… Hmm?

A beautiful mid-20s woman with short purple hair and a cute dress had already claimed my desired spot.

She cupped her mug, which had warm steam rising out of it, with both hands. It was like watching a scene from a movie.

More importantly, I couldn’t take my eyes off her beauty.

The first word that came out of her mouth didn’t disappoint my expectations.

“President?”

Her voice sounded angelic.

Even the way her eyes widened to express her surprise was attractive.

If anything, the only problem was that I didn’t know what her true name was.

“Morality Teacher?”

“Yes. Why is the President here?”

“That’s what I want to ask you…”

“Well, I’m on vacation…”

“I have a question for the both of you.” My wife said in a cold tone from behind me, sending shivers down my spine. Though she had been smiling until recently, she now acted like an assassin lying in wait.

Was I in trouble?

『A certain god hands out popcorn.』

『A certain restless demonic god urges the situation to unfold quickly.』

『A certain relaxed deity loves this turn of events.』

『A certain innocent goddess feels excited.』

『A certain receptionist expresses sympathy.』

…

This never would’ve happened unless a third party intervened.

The GGG-Class Hero, who didn’t cower even in the presence of Demon Lord Pedonar, worked hard to find a way to overcome this crisis, which had been long overdue.

For now, I needed to buy time.

“Hey, why don’t we talk while we eat?”

“That’s… Okay.”

“What makes you think I’ll fall for your bread trap in this situation, husband?”

“…”

I didn’t know who the god responsible for this was, but I was determined to find out.

*****

I didn’t believe in coincidence.

Some people were given bursts of good luck, almost as if to spite the efforts of others, but I thought they made an equivalent exchange in some way in a previous life or would be making one in the future.

My luck was made possible by the favor of the President of the Universe.

Since I was a living witness, I didn’t trust the concept of coincidence. On the contrary, I considered it nothing more than a flimsy trick novelists employed to forcefully draw interest in the subject matter.

Simply put, it wasn’t realistically possible.

“…”

“…”

“Hmm. Where should we begin this discussion?”

“…”

“…”

“If you don’t want to talk, then forget it.”

We were seated in a triangular formation with a little gap between us around the circular table.

The ignorant males around us looked at me with envy, but they didn’t know what I was going through.

Why was Morality Teacher here?

It wasn’t just by chance that I met her here, who was on her vacation to meet her crush.

I didn’t want to meddle in her affairs, but…

I really wanted to know what was going on in her mind.

“What are you doing, husband?”

Because of Ssosia’s aura, who was eating the fish-shaped buns in a terrifying manner, I couldn’t speak with ease.

Was this what they called a thorn-covered cushion?

Well, whatever this was, this was definitely not a good experience.

“This might be hard to believe, Deputy Director Ssosia, and this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but this place is filled with memories of the man I have a crush on…”

“I mean, we met by chance. Isn’t that right, Morality Teacher?”

“Yes…” She said, though she already seemed to have sensed it was no coincidence. She was staring at me ever so softly, after all.

Agh… What should I do?

I knew I had to act like a man rather than a Hero in this situation, but my heart was already starting to feel heavy because of the gaps in my memories about meeting Morality Teacher in this place being quickly filled.

We already knew each other even before we met as a student and trainee teacher in Fantasy.

‘Be strong, Kang Han Soo. Be a man and speak, even if it means being kicked out of the house.’

“As for what happened, Ssosia…”

Grrrrgghh!

The ground began to tremble.

Then came the cry of a being who spoke words that I wouldn’t have understood if not for my skill that translated all languages.

“Reveal yourself, you who trampled on my brother like a crucian carp! If you don’t, I’ll turn this planet into dust!”

… This was a mess.

I hadn’t even seen its face yet, but the giant fins I caught a glimpse of outside the restaurant’s windows were already turning to dust.

What was it?

『A certain demonic god tells a certain righteous divine being not to worry about it.』

『A certain innocent goddess disallows any interference.』

『A certain ignorant war god quietly sits down.』

『A certain god diligently pops crucian-carp-flavored popcorn.』

They were the ones that bothered me the most…

Anyway, with people’s attention drawn away from us, I decided to use this opportunity.

Taking a deep breath, I confessed to my jealous, cowardly wife.

“I think Morality Teacher is my first love.”

The dice had been cast.