Chapter 491: The Grief She Had Not Allowed

Chapter 490: The Grief She Had Not Allowed

Lyria’s POV

Duke Valenridge kept his silence, his countenance still blank, though I fancied his attention had sharpened, as a wolf’s will at some sound too distant for my ears.

"It i-is no n-news to anyone that my l-life within the p-palace has n-not been a s-smooth one," I said at length. "I was b-but a s-shadow before, and it w-was only upon my b-being e-exposed as the K-King’s daughter that I b-became anything m-more than that."

He inclined his head, and did not speak.

"D-do you r-recall what C-Corvin said, the n-night I was d-dragged before the c-court at the f-first elimination b-ball?"

He considered the matter a moment, a slight crease appearing between his brows.

"He declared, if I remember rightly, that he had encountered you in one of the palace gardens," he said. "Of which there are a great many, and I confess I have never understood the reason for it, since the greater part lie neglected. But I digress. He claimed to have met you in some such place, during a game of hide and seek."

"There i-is t-truth in it," I said. "He and I d-did meet upon that d-day. He was p-playing at h-hide and s-seek with c-certain others, whom I c-cannot now r-recall, and it c-chanced that I w-was the one to sh-show him the b-best place of c-concealment."

I looked down at the pebbles beneath my boots, for it was easier than looking at him.

"He d-did not c-care that I w-wore a m-mask when f-first he saw me, n-nor that I m-must have a-appeared very s-strange. He d-did not care for the s-scar, either. And I h-have sometimes th-thought since that I w-was so g-greedy for a f-friend that I sh-should have t-taken any who o-offered, without once e-enquiring what m-manner of p-person he was."

Duke Valenridge made no answer, but his gaze remained upon me, steady and patient, like a lamp set in a window for one who is late upon the road.

"It w-was not long b-before we were f-friends in e-earnest," I continued. "He w-would steal into my c-chambers, and we t-talked of e-everything and n-nothing, and I th-thought no h-harm in it. We were f-friends, after all, or so I b-believed. When he b-beheld my i-injuries, he was a-angry upon my b-behalf, and spoke of my t-treatment in the p-palace with s-such heat that I c-could scarcely c-credit it. He was the f-first friend I had who was n-near my own a-age."

I shook my head, as though I might shake the memory loose.

"He l-listened. He b-brought me f-food, and l-laughed at my p-poor jokes, and n-never once a-asked that I be o-other than I w-was. He..."

I broke off, and gave a small, bitter laugh.

"I now r-realise, said aloud, it s-sounds rather s-sad."

"What happened?" Duke Valenridge asked softly, after a moment.

I gave him a smile that held no warmth in it.

"I l-lost him."

Then I laughed again, a shaky, broken sound that I scarcely knew for my own.

"Though, to be h-honest, I n-never had him in the f-first place. It had a-all been a-arranged. He was n-never my f-friend. J-Ja..." I stopped then shook my head, correcting myself. "C-Crooked C-Crown had s-sent him to me."

"The c-cruel jest of it is that I o-only learnt the t-truth after the f-first introductory b-ball, where I m-met him in her v-very presence, and he t-treated me as though I w-were less than the d-dust beneath his f-feet. Again and a-again we c-crossed paths, and each t-time I was t-treated as though I w-were n-nothing at all. I had a-always known it was a f-far-fetched h-hope, that a p-person of my s-station should be f-friends with a g-gentleman of the n-nobility. But I had th-thought him a f-friend r-regardless, one who c-cared for me as I c-cared for him."

I did not notice that a tear had fallen until Duke Valenridge’s hand rose, and gently wiped it from my cheek. I started at the touch, and yet I did not draw away from it.

"I o-ought n-not to be w-weeping over s-such a person as C-Corvin," I said, after a while.

"That is true," he replied. "But you may weep over the loss of something you held precious, may you not? Was your friendship not dear to you? It is no discredit to you that the bloody idiot named Hale had not the wit to treasure it."

He paused, then added:

"Tell me, Your Highness, have you ever grieved the loss of this friendship? Or did you refuse to acknowledge it, once it was gone?"

I was silent.

The truth was that I had not grieved it. I had hated it instead. I had hated all that I had endured, and the memory of the trust I had so foolishly bestowed, and I had not permitted myself to dwell upon it long enough to mourn, for to mourn it would have been to admit that I had once possessed something worth the losing, and I was so ashamed of having been the fool who believed in it.

"I have n-not grieved it," I admitted quietly.

He nodded, as though he had expected as much.

"I cannot claim to have lost a friendship after such a fashion," said he. "But this I will say: there is no wrong in grieving what was once truly had, and no shame attaches to you for it. It was not you who did the wrong in that affair. It was the bloody idiot who made a tool of you."

He paused, and then added, with a most solemn air:

"Which brings me to this. You have friends now, have you not? For it is said that the loss of an idiot makes room for gold."

I stared at him.

Then, without the least intention, I burst out laughing.

"D-did you i-invent that this v-very moment?" I asked.

His lips twitched, and the blankness left his face, giving place to something warmer.

"I did."

I shook my head at him, still laughing, the tears quite forgotten.

"What I mean," he said, "is that you have found better companions, have you not?"

I smiled.

"Yes," I said. "And a g-good p-partner b-besides."

He reached out and tapped my nose lightly with one finger, a gesture unlooked for, yet not unwelcome.

"I am s-still a c-companion," he said, laughing.

"You are e-everything," I told him.

He regarded me a long while, and his smile dimmed a little, then he gave me a nod.

"For now," he said quietly.

I was upon the point of disputing it, but he spoke before I could.

"What of Alistair?" he asked. "Why did you choose him?"