Falling in Love with the King of Beasts

ELIA

An hour later, she wasn't sure whether to be ecstatic, or terrified. What Gahrye described… it was perfect.

To give the Outsiders a task. A purpose. A job to do, together. To create a network of skilled Anima, fighters, secret keepers, who could hide themselves and watch out. Disciplined adults that would gather information for her, or watch over her, and each other—even secretly.

Everything had to be secret. And the Anima who joined them would be both acknowledged for their work by the Queen, but have a legitimate reason to keep it all quiet.

They would serve her without knowledge of the hierarchy.

Which was the part that terrified her.

The whole idea ran so close to treason, she wasn't sure it wasn't. But it also felt completely necessary.

"They have to be under Reth's rule, though, Gahrye. They have to. We can't have people trained to do this stuff who will rebel again. We just can't risk it."

He shook his head, smiling. "That's the whole point: they serve YOU. And you are always loyal to Reth. Their secrets are kept to ensure that Reth's people won't discover them, not because he isn't trusted!"

She had to admit, it was brilliant. Simultaneously motivating people to stay loyal, but not share their secrets, even with allies.

"I say we do it," she said finally, though her uneasiness over hiding this from Reth hadn't left her. "But now you need to be very, very picky about who you bring in. There's no rush. We have to select people who are ready, and skilled and… well, you know better than me. What does the Creator say about how to find them?"

"I'm getting some clues," Gahrye said, smiling genuinely for the first time that she remembered since they'd returned to Anima. "I've already found one, I'm pretty sure. But I don't know if she'll do it."

"She?" Elia asked, then wanted to slap herself. Why did it surprise her that he would have found a female?

Gahrye nodded. "Since you're on board with this, I'm going to talk to her a little more today. Not to tell her the full story. Just… just to feel her out a little bit. If she's interested, then I'll tell you."

"Okay," Elia said, then yawned. "That sounds like a plan. I'm… I'm not comfortable with doing this without Reth, but I know we have to. I just have to pray he doesn't kill me if he finds out."

"That's the beauty, though, right?" Gahrye whispered. "Even if he does find out, all he's found is that you have some people you've been keeping close, to help you find out information—maybe even information that he doesn't know. And that's the other side of this. You should probably have this kind of network anyway, what with the tension between the tribes and… well, everything that's happened. It will be good for you to build a people behind you that are independent of anything else."

She nodded. "You're right."

"This is going to be good, Elia. I can see it. It just feels right. I know we're onto something here."

"I believe you," she said with a smile. "Now… go get to it!"

Gahrye, still brimming with excitement, trotted out, reassuring her that he'd be back that evening with an update.

Elia sank into the pillow and stared at the wall. The thick cave walls hid the quiet words between Gahrye and Jayah enough that without paying attention, she couldn't make them out. And that was good. She needed to sleep. Her body was tired and aching and… and it felt like everything was just heavy that day.

She thought of Reth, in the security building with the Elders and Lerrin, and wondered how that was going.

She prayed that whoever Gahrye was going to approach would be an asset, and not discourage him from his new enthusiasm.

And she wondered when Gahrye would leave to go see Kalle and gather more information from the histories.

It seemed everyone was in a place of strength, of moving out and stepping forward, except her. She had to… wait.

And wait for a possible tragedy.

She'd tried to be brave with Jayah, but the truth was, all she could see in her mind was visions of herself being forced to shift. Forced to make the decision to shift—or her body taking that decision from her when she was at her most vulnerable.

Whether she shifted without choosing it, or Jayah gave her the tonic, it didn't matter. Either way, she ended up back her beast. At a time she wanted to be present. She wanted to remember the birth of her baby! But if she couldn't give birth without shifting….

She knew it needed to happen. That she would be glad for it if her baby had shifted. But she was terrified.

What if she got stuck?

What if her baby arrived and she went Silent?

Everything Aymora had told her for training about the shift had said it was so crucial for her to keep control. To dominate. To be the decision maker when it came to her beast.

Yet… she'd tried to be that and it hadn't worked.

And the last time… those last weeks in the human world she'd felt herself begin to fade. As if the beast's will was so much stronger than her own, she was giving up herself.

Elia shook her head and buried her face in the pillow. It didn't matter. It didn't matter how frightened she was, or even if did go silent. She had to deliver her baby safely. And if that was the only way to do it…

The irony that she'd finally become Anima—truly Anima. Finally had the beast and the strength that her people had. They would finally accept her as one of her own… and yet, she felt weaker and more frightened than she ever had as a human…

She tried to breathe, to calm her racing heart, but it didn't really work. So she clasped her hands under the furs and started to pray. To plead. For her baby's life, and for her own.

And when she finally drifted off into sleep, it was with a heart that was a little calmer. A little more sure. But still…

Still terrified.