Falling in Love with the King of Beasts

LERRIN

Lerrin swallowed a growl and beckoned the two young soldiers closer, looking around as if he wanted to tell them something privately. They came eagerly, smiling wide and leaning in to listen.

"If I see you harassing a female again who has not made the signals," Lerrin whispered, his voice dark with conviction, "if I see you interfering in the work of any other Anima to amuse yourselves, I am going to castrate you. With my teeth." And then he smiled.

One of them immediately went wide-eyed, while the other still smiled a moment, as if he thought it was a joke. Then he caught his friend's eye. Then he scented the pure fury Lerrin let himself feel at the idea that that poor female had had to walk through her day wondering if pups like these two would interfere and make her job harder.

Or worse.

The male's face went somber immediately and he stepped back, dropping his eyes to the ground. "Yes, Sire," he said. "Of course. It was only a bit of fun."

"Go have fun with females who wag their tails at you," he growled. "Leave the others alone, or I will hear of it, and I will deal with it personally."

"Yes, Sire!" they both yelped. He sent them on their way, and they practically ran. He stood in the trail to make sure they'd go in a different direction than the female had, but as he stood there, near-shaking with rage, he could barely breathe.

He needed to open his eyes. He needed to see what was happening within his people. And yet, he felt in himself the yearning to turn away. To rationalize. To not see or hear, because he feared what he might find.

"Find your spine!" he muttered to himself, raking a hand through his hair. His breath was shallow and fast and he found himself shocked. He was truly frightened of what he might face. He truly recoiled—had been turning his back with a hope not to see. Not to have to address it.

Just like his father had done when Suhle's accusers were brought forward.

Listen to the story you want to hear, rather than the one that is true.

Creator's Light, how had he been so blind?!

He looked up. The trail ahead was empty. He ahd to brace himself. He would step out now, and he would examine his people. Examine himself.

He would not let the sun go down today without understanding what and who he ruled.

And he vowed, he would not let himself sleep tonight until he admitted his own part in it. Whatever it was.

He could not change something he refused to see.

Swallowing hard, he put his shoulders back and began to walk, to listen, and to observe. And to his dismay, he discovered it was even worse than he'd thought.

*****

Four hours later, Lerrin dragged himself back to the tent, unsurprised to find that Suhle had not yet returned. He'd crossed her scent several times in the camp during his explorations. But he hadn't found her, nor any scent of her that was fresh enough to warrant following to find her.

He suspected she did not want to be found just then, and he couldn't blame her.

His pack was in disarray.

When he opened his eyes and his nose, he found anger, petty resentments, selfish ambition, and… sickeningly, a cruel and twisted thrill among some of the males.

He'd spoken to three more males whose behavior had set his teeth on edge—never actually violent, never actually aggressive. But… somehow threatening. And in two cases, toward females.

No wonder Suhle didn't want to sleep in other tents.

He'd seen stressed and ragged females in every corner of the camp—and even though not all seemed aware of the issues, he couldn't help noticing that many of the females, particularly the young or low in the hierarchy, now walked with their heads down and eyes on the dirt.

When had the wolves ever walked without pride?

When had their females ever had to fear?

Then he remembered Suhle's story, and his stomach got sick.

Apparently this thread of violence or whatever it was, had been part of his pack for many years. But he knew, he was certain, if he'd been aware of it years ago, he would not have turned from it.

What changed within their people?

What had changed within him?

Rumblings in the back of his mind wanted him to look at the conversation he'd had with Reth when they meet the day the Cat killed Lucine, but that was another crisis for another day.

Now, here, today, he had to figure out what he was going to do.

He now understood why Suhle had pressed so hard about his willingness to allow the spies and soldiers to set up for bloodthirsty goals.

Without discipline, a wolf who desired violence, or the subjugation of another, would crack and take what they wanted, even if the orders did not exist.

Especially in the chaos of a battlefield.

She was right. She had been right. And he had thrown her from the tent.

Creator's fangs, what was wrong with him?

He'd been pacing in the tent, staying out of sight while he tried to wrap his mind around everything he'd seen—everything he'd been refusing to see before now.

He had to do something—but what? The Alpha authority pulsed in his veins. His own anger and indulgence yearned to simply walk around the camp and take down every male he suspected of this cruelty.

But the truth was, if there was enough of them, they would overpower him.

He had to find out if they were organized. He had to find out where they had come from—and  how they found each other.

He had to find out if they followed him—and whether they believed he was one of them.

He would never be one of them.

Do you hear me, Suhle? I will never be one of them.

He stopped mid step, heart pounding.

He could feel her. She was there in his mind. She'd heard him. He'd sent to her, not even knowing where she was, and she could hear him.

How was that possible? He had trouble maintaining a mind-link with his father for more than one hundred paces. And the pack mind could only extend a mile at most, and then only when many, many wolves were connected. For small groups it was a quarter of that. Or less.

Suhle? He sent.

It was the strangest feeling to know she was in his mind, could feel him, could hear him. Yet she did not send back to him.

He whined in frustration and fear.

I'm seeing it, Suhle. I didn't. I didn't let myself. But today… I heard you and I walked the camp. And I can see the darkness here. I am not one of them. I will root them out of our people. I vow to you.

I will not make this mistake again.

She huffed, but did not speak and after a minute or so, her presence left. She closed herself off. He wanted to reach for her again, to make her listen, and for a moment in a burst of anger, he almost did.

Then he caught himself.

That was how this must have started.

That was how these male must have moved from honorable and forthright to… whatever it was they had become.

He couldn't give in. If he did, he would be no better than any of them.

But what he had to figure out was how to find them. And what to do with them once he had.

****

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