Chapter 115: I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU

Chapter 116

Lumi

There is something about the way he says it that makes my throat tighten.

He doesn’t tell me I shouldn’t have been afraid, he doesn’t tell me I was being strong, and he doesn’t make some grand speech about how brave I was.

He simply holds me.

One hand rests at the back of my head, his fingers moving slowly through my hair while the other stays firmly around my waist.

For a few seconds, I allow myself to forget that we are still standing inside a courtroom.

I close my eyes and listen to his heartbeat.

Steady. Warm. Familiar. Home. The word comes into my mind so naturally that it almost scares me.

Home. Ren is my home. I pull back enough to look at him, and his eyes immediately search my face.

"Are you all right?" I nod, then shake my head, and he gives me the smallest smile.

"That’s not a very convincing answer." A laugh escapes me despite the exhaustion.

"I’m tired." He pulled me closer and sniffed my hair.

"I know." I hold his shirt and allow myself to relax again, reminding myself that he’s all I ever need.

"My head hurts."

"I know."

"My feet hurt." He pulls away and his eyes drop immediately.

"Your feet?" I almost roll my eyes.

"Ren..."

"Your feet hurt?"

"Yes." He looks down at my shoes as though they have personally offended him, then he looks back at me.

"Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Because we were in court."

"That isn’t an answer."

"It was more important than my feet."

"No." His response is immediate.

I stare at him. "No?"

"Nothing is more important than you being comfortable."

There is such quiet certainty in his voice that something warm spreads through my chest, and before I can answer, he bends down.

I barely have time to realize what he’s doing before one arm slips beneath my knees and the other wraps around my back.

"Ren!"

He lifts me effortlessly, and I gasp, instinctively grabbing his shoulders. "Put me down."

"No."

"Everyone is looking."

"I don’t care." I glance around, and people are actually staring at us.

Neve is looking at us with a huge smile on her face, Julian looks like he’s trying very hard not to laugh, and even Darren has turned away, pretending to be deeply interested in his phone.

I lower my voice. "You’re embarrassing me."

Ren looks down at me. "You just spent twenty minutes standing in front of a courtroom while three people tried to destroy your name."

He adjusts me more securely against his chest. "I think you’ve earned the right to be carried."

I stare at him. "You can’t carry me all the way home."

"I can."

"Ren."

"Yes, baby?" The name made my tummy flip.

"You are impossible." I softly hit him making sure not to hurt him.

"And I love you." I try to hide my smile, but I fail, and his mouth curves into that familiar, quiet expression.

"There she is."

My smile fades slightly. "What?"

"That smile." He looks at me as though he’s memorizing it. "I’ve missed it."

My chest tightens, and I reach up and touch his cheek. "I love you."

The words come out before I can even think about them.

Ren stops walking, and for one second, he simply stares at me.

Then something changes in his face as the hard Alpha who had sat through that courtroom disappears, and there is only my Ren.

His eyes soften completely. "I love you too."

He presses his lips against my forehead...a slow, tender kiss...and then another, and another.

I close my eyes. "Ren?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything."

He starts walking again. "You don’t have to thank me for loving you."

My heart squeezes. "I know."

"No, I don’t think you do." His voice is quiet now. "You keep thanking me for things that shouldn’t have to be earned."

I look up at him. "Like what?"

"Taking care of you." His thumb gently strokes my arm. "Listening to you, protecting you, and staying beside you."

He looks down at me with absolute warmth. "Those aren’t favors, Lumi, because they’re what I want to do."

My eyes burn, and I press my cheek against his chest.

For a while, neither of us speaks as everything disappears behind us, the reporters, the lawyers, everyone.

All I hear is his heartbeat, and I realize something fundamental.

For so long, I have been fighting to survive. Even when Ren came into my life, I was fighting, and maybe that’s why our love has sometimes felt like another battle, because we fell in love while everything around us was falling apart.

But right now, in his arms, there is nothing to fight.

There is only him, and me, and the quiet certainty that he isn’t going anywhere.

When we reach the car, Ren doesn’t put me down immediately, but opens the door himself.

"Ren, I can walk."

"I know."

"Then why are you still carrying me?"

"Because I want to."

He lowers me carefully into the seat as though I’m made of fragile glass, then he crouches in front of me and his fingers move toward my shoes.

I blink. "What are you doing?"

"Taking these off."

"You are not taking off my shoes."

"Why?"

"Because that’s ridiculous."

He gives me a look. "You told me your feet hurt."

I sigh. "You’re treating me like an egg."

His expression softens completely. "Maybe you need to be treated like one."

I stare at him, then laugh, and he smiles back at me.

"There. Better." He removes my shoes and places them neatly beside me before closing the car door.

When he gets into the car beside me, I can’t stop looking at him.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You’ve been staring at me for thirty seconds."

"I like looking at you."

His eyebrow lifts. "You’ve never told me that before."

"I’ve thought it."

"That’s not the same."

I smile. "You really want me to compliment you?"

"Yes."

I laugh softly. "You’re handsome."

"I know."

I gasp. "Arrogant."

He grins. "You love me anyway."

I reach across the space between us and straighten his collar, my fingers lingering against his neck. "I do... and I’m very glad I do."

His teasing expression disappears, and he catches my hand and kisses the center of my palm. "I am too."

By the time we get home, I am barely keeping my eyes open, and Ren notices right away.

The moment the car stops, he gets out and comes around to my side.

"I can walk."

"No."

"I really can."

He opens the door. "Let me carry you."

I look at him for a moment, then I hold out my arms, and he smiles.

"There you go."

He lifts me again, and this time I don’t protest at all. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head against him as he carries me through the front doors.

The estate is unusually quiet, as most of the staff have disappeared from the main hall to give us privacy.

Ren carries me upstairs, and I watch his face as he walks. There is something incredibly comforting about being held by someone who doesn’t seem bothered by my past or all the thing surrounding me.

He simply holds me like it is the easiest thing in the world.

When we reach our bedroom, he lowers me onto the bed.

"Stay here."

"Where are you going?"

"To get you something to eat."

"I’m not hungry."

He gives me a look. "Lumi."

I sigh. "Fine."

"And water."

"I can get water."

"I know," he says, bending down to kiss my forehead, "but I’m getting it."

I watch him leave, and something inside me feels so full that it almost hurts.

Astra stirs softly within my soul. You love him.

I smile, touching my lips. I do. Very much... more than I thought I could love anyone.

Astra’s warmth curls around my heart. Then show him.

The bedroom door opens, and Ren walks in carrying a tray filled with soup, bread, fruit, and a glass of water.

I stare at the tray. "You made all this?"

"No."

I laugh. "You’re terrible."

"I supervised."

"Of course you did."

He places the tray in front of me and sits beside me. "Eat."

I pick up the spoon while he watches, take one bite while he keeps watching, and swallow. "Are you going to stare at me until I finish?"

"Probably."

I shake my head. "You are ridiculous."

"And you’re eating." I smile, then I lean over and kiss his cheek.

He freezes, and as I pull back, his eyes remain fixed on me. "What?"

"Nothing," he says, touching the spot where I kissed him.

"You look surprised."

"I am."

"Why?"

"You’re usually the one I have to convince to let me take care of you."

I put down the spoon and reach for his hand. "Maybe I’m learning."

"Learning what?"

"That I don’t always have to be strong with you."

His fingers close tightly around mine. "You never have to be."

My eyes sting. "Even when I’m difficult?"

"Especially then."

I laugh softly. "And when I’m scared?"

"I’ll hold you."

"When I’m angry?"

"I’ll listen."

"When I’m crying?"

"I’ll wipe your tears."

"And when I don’t know what to do?"

He lifts my hand to his lips. "We’ll figure it out together."

I stare at him. "Together?"

"Always."

The word settles deep inside me.

I lean forward and rest my forehead against his. "I don’t want to lose you."