Chapter 145: Wishes

Tera’s heart nearly stopped.

It had taken her a few seconds to come to the realisation that he was referring to the Jackdaw tribe, and not the Dow clan. The weight of that word suddenly felt so heavy to Tera.

Because she had taken it from him.

Not her. The other Tera. But they shared the same face, the same body, the same name, and every time Ermin looked at her, some small part of him had to see the ghost of the female who had destroyed his life.

Tera hated the original Tera even more at this moment. That female had been selfish, cruel, and always left something behind for someone else to clean up. Even if she was ostracised, did she have to harm someone else to make herself feel better?

Tera had no recollection of Ermin being mean to her, so for him to have been a target in all this was terrible.

But most of all, Tera hated that she had to be the one to clean up this girl’s mess.

She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t the real Tera and had just entered this body.

He needed to know Tera hadn’t just changed but that he was with someone else. Someone who would have never even done such a thing to him in the first place.

"Ermin, I am not actually Te—"

Her voice vanished.

It simply stopped as if someone had pressed a mute button on her throat. Her mouth was still open, her lips still shaped around the word, but no sound came out.

Tera’s eyes widened.

’What the actual fuck?!’

[HOST!]

[٩(ˋᗣˊ*)و!!]

[VOICE COOLDOWN ACTIVATED — 5 SECONDS]

’WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY VOICE?!’

[This system has temporarily restricted Host’s vocal output!]

[What were you THINKING?!]

[(ᗒᗩᗕ)]

[Do NOT reveal your identity to the inhabitants of this world!]

’WHAT?! You didn’t tell me about this before, damn it!’

[Because it is COMMON SENSE!]

’Oh, fuck off! Give me my voice back and stop blaming me for your incompetence. YOU DID NOT TELL ME SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT!’

[Σ(ﾟ口ﾟ;)//]

[Host...]

[(꒪ᗜ꒪;)]

Tera was silently panicking. This was a vulnerable moment, and Tera’s heart spiked when she saw Ermin looking at her and waiting to finish what she was about to say.

If she wasn’t so occupied with something so important, she would have just...

’Urgh! This is a crucial moment. Let me speak!’

Luckily for Tera, Ermin had read her sudden look differently. She was about to say something she found difficult.

He looked down at their joined hands.

"I am not trying to blame you," he said quickly. "I know you have changed. I see it every day."

’SYSTEM!’

[The timer is already over, Host]

[(꒪ᗜ꒪;)]

[And there are no other forbidden rules]

[Only this one, Host]

[This system promises...]

’Never mind. I think I’ll be better off expecting such things from you. It is what you do.’

[(｡•́︿•̀｡)]

Tera ignored the system and covered Ermin’s hand with her other one, shifting till she was directly facing him.

"I—"

"Please..."

Tera paused as Ermin continued, "Even with what you had done, I am not sure they should have pushed me out the way they did. They just... let me go."

His jaw tightened, and his eyes dropped further.

"I missed my friends. I still do."

Tera’s heart collapsed.

He looked so small in that moment. Despite being built like a lean predator, the look on his face was the look of a boy who had been told to leave the only home he knew and had walked out alone while the people he loved watched him go in silence.

"I started thinking about it again when the situation with Kiri and Feron happened," Ermin said. His voice was strained, as if each word cost him something. "How the clan dealt with it. How you dealt with it."

Tera shook her head. Ermin was no Feron, and he was innocent. "That was completely different—"

Ermin shook his head.

"If the clan had a troublemaker and another beast—"

Tera pulled him into her arms so hard that his next breath came out as a startled gasp. She wrapped herself around him, her face pressed against his neck, and her eyes burned with tears that spilled before she could stop them.

She knew he was making a comparison between them, even though it didn’t directly make any sense. Kiri had influenced Feron, and if it came to banishing them both, Feron wouldn’t have been punished just because he had been relating to Kiri before this.

Why would someone else have to pay for her acts?

"I am so sorry," Tera whispered, her voice breaking. "For what I did to you. For all of it."

It wasn’t her. Tera knew it wasn’t her, but she was sorry anyway, with every part of herself that existed.

"Tera—"

"If I had been the tribe leader, I would never have thrown you away. I would have treated you so preciously and never cut you off. You didn’t deserve any of it, Ermin."

Ermin went rigid in her arms.

He didn’t want her to cry, and he hadn’t expected it either.

"Your friends should have fought for you," Tera murmured against his skin. "Don’t mind them."

Ermin pressed his face into Tera’s hair and breathed her in, the tightness in his throat burning because he didn’t want to cry.

He felt so confused but grateful at the same time.

They held each other under the tree for a long time, and when the silence between them finally softened enough for words, Ermin talked a little more.

Then a lot more.

He told her about his friends in the tribe, about mornings spent grooming himself to impress Naiya, about his uncle, and even his childhood. Ermin also told her about how he had pushed the Dow clan members away and didn’t know how to reach out now that he was ready. It was like once the tap had been opened, it wouldn’t stop running, and Tera didn’t mind it.

She just held his hand and let him empty out the heaviness he had been carrying alone, and in the midst of it, Tera was plagued with slight guilt.

Not exactly for what the old Tera had done.

She had been so consumed by tasks and construction and system mechanics that she had missed what was happening inside the people she cared about. Ermin had been lonely this entire time, and she hadn’t seen it. He didn’t have a single friend in the clan, and it hurt her that she hadn’t really noticed. She thought he had been getting along with the clan members and Xavi, but apparently relating was different from deep-seated friendships.

And Tera realised that she barely knew anything about Xavi’s past either. The bear who had held her through her tough times and cared so much for her had barely told her about his upbringing or even where he had come from.

She wondered, quietly, if Xavi was carrying something just as heavy behind that gentle silence of his.

But what saddened her the most was how she couldn’t tell either of them about the real her.

Tera missed so many things.

Her family, her friends, travelling, music, her phone, washing machine, all the cuisines she’d have at the restaurants, dinners with her family during the holidays, and so many other things.

But Tera could only move on.

But for now, she needed to pay more attention to her mates.