Chapter 253: A Single Memory

As we made our way to the next floor, there was little to hear besides the footsteps behind us.

My teammates were quiet. The archer had stopped complaining, and the swordsman was no longer trying to explain how we should proceed. Both walked a few steps behind me.

Elise held her staff in both hands, keeping her eyes on the floor.

They seemed discouraged.

I couldn’t quite understand why they were acting this way when they should have been happy about passing the dungeon exam so easily.

Humans and their strange emotions...

Maybe they’d realized how useless they were. Or maybe they were afraid of me.

Either way, I didn’t really care.

Still, it was a little unfortunate that Celine’s supporter had lost so much confidence.

In the original story, Elise would confess to Knight Boy and be rejected. Since Veris only had eyes for Celine, the outcome was obvious.

Then a dark mage would take advantage of her broken heart.

First, he would feed her jealousy toward Celine. Then he would make her see Celine as the source of all her unhappiness. Eventually, Elise would try to kill her.

And, of course, Felix would appear just in time.

Elise’s defeat would serve to make the hero a little stronger and bring Celine closer to him.

It was a rather ordinary reason to ruin a girl’s entire life.

Of course, I’d probably made that outcome far less likely.

So far, Celine and Felix hadn’t shared a single special moment. They were indifferent to each other. Because of that, Veris didn’t see Felix as a romantic rival yet.

Once Celine noticed Felix’s potential, she might want to bring him over to her side. But I wasn’t sure when that would happen.

I supposed I would have to intervene a little to move that part along.

For now, comforting this timid girl seemed easier.

I stopped and turned around.

All three immediately tensed.

The swordsman’s hand moved toward his weapon’s hilt. The archer opened and closed his mouth as though he wanted to say something. Elise pulled her staff a little closer.

"We’ll rest for a bit before moving on."

The archer blinked in surprise.

"Huh? But we aren’t tired yet."

"Yes. You aren’t tired because I did most of the work."

His expression froze.

"Or am I not allowed to rest, my dear teammate?"

"No, no! That’s not what I meant."

He scratched the back of his neck and tried to laugh.

"Ahaha... I didn’t realize how tired I was until you said that. My legs... Yes, my legs! A little rest would definitely help."

He’d backed down so quickly that no further explanation was needed.

The swordsman chose a relatively dry spot near the wall and sat down. The archer immediately joined him, stretching out his legs as though they really were sore.

After looking at me for a few seconds, Elise started toward them.

"Elise."

She stopped. Her shoulders slumped as she slowly turned her head toward me.

"I-I... Did I do something wrong?"

There was no reason to be so frightened. All I’d done was say her name.

I wove a thin layer of chaos around us. The corridor’s light could still pass through it, but our voices and any traces of the mana I was about to use wouldn’t reach outside.

Then I released a small amount of holy mana.

Elise’s fingers loosened around her staff. As her uneven breathing slowed, the tension in her shoulders eased as well.

She didn’t understand why. Still, she had relaxed enough to look me in the eye.

When I raised my hand, her gaze immediately shifted to my fingers. I picked a few specks of dust from her hair and let them fall to the floor.

"There’s no need to worry."

"I..."

"You’re not weak."

Elise closed her mouth.

She clearly didn’t believe me.

"Life isn’t fair," I continued. "No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone stronger, more talented, smarter, or more beautiful than you. If you compare yourself to them, nothing you do will ever feel good enough."

She studied the stone on her staff.

"My barrier broke," she murmured. "In the second room... I couldn’t stop them."

"But you stopped that boy’s leg from being cut."

She raised her head.

She must have thought I hadn’t noticed.

"I’m not comparing myself to other people," she said hesitantly. "I just thought I could do a little better."

"Then do better next time."

Realizing that hadn’t been particularly comforting, I paused.

She was still waiting for an answer.

"I may not look it," I said, "but there may be no one who’s felt more regret and anger over being weak than I have."

Elise stared at me in surprise.

I looked away from her face and down at my right hand. When I opened my fingers, I noticed a small smudge of dust still on my palm.

"There was always someone stronger than me. And every time, I lost something I cared about."

My fingers curled slightly.

"Until all I had left was a handful of ashes."

For a moment, the damp smell of the corridor faded. I pushed those thoughts aside and looked back at the girl.

"I finally gained the strength I wanted. Maybe I’m still not the strongest, but now I’m strong enough to beat anyone."

Elise said nothing for several seconds.

Then her lips parted, her expression embarrassed.

"Um... I’m sorry, but what am I supposed to learn from that?"

I tilted my head.

What was I talking about?

I was supposed to comfort her a little. Maybe give her some guidance, too. Instead, I’d started talking about my life like an old grandfather.

I sighed.

"What I’m trying to say is that if you want something, you have to work for it. Stop worrying so much about what other people think or how they act. You could try being a little more selfish."

She frowned slightly, as though she were carefully trying to make sense of my words.

"But I’m a support mage. How can I not think about the others—"

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

Was this girl an idiot, or was she trying to drive me mad?

"Look, little girl. If you’re in love with someone, be braver. And stop worrying that little head of yours over pointless things."

"Ah..."

Elise blushed. She wanted to say something, but not a single word left her lips. Her eyes darted from side to side as she struggled to decide where to look.

Having a stranger speak so casually about the feelings she’d kept hidden must have been too much for her.

"Anyway, go and rest. We’ll move on soon."

She nodded and went over to the others. After a few steps, she stopped and looked back over her shoulder.

When our eyes met, she turned away again.

I dismissed the barrier and sat down by the wall. I’d just leaned against the cold stone when a shadow fell beside me.

Charlotte sat down next to me.

"What?" I asked coldly.

"I’m checking on your condition."

"Why?"

"You said you were tired. I need to decide whether you can continue the exam."

I turned toward her.

Her calm expression wasn’t enough to hide her real intentions. Something told me she wouldn’t be particularly worried even if all my limbs had been torn off.

Neither of us spoke for a while. Across the corridor, the archer was taking water from his bag while the swordsman cleaned the small wound on his wrist.

Charlotte broke the silence.

"That privacy barrier you put up around yourself was impressive."

I looked ahead.

"You use magic despite being a warrior. Does the academy know?"

I didn’t answer.

She was clearly trying to get me talking or provoke me.

Besides, even if she’d noticed, proving it wouldn’t be easy. And even if she did, I wouldn’t care. Charles and Felix were also capable of fighting as both warriors and mages.

They might not have shown it openly yet, but it would come out soon enough.

Charlotte didn’t seem bothered by being ignored.

"By the way," she said, "I’m quite good at reading lips. I didn’t quite understand what you were talking about, but it seemed sad."

I slowly turned toward her.

Mana flashed in my red eyes.

"Do you want to die?"

Charlotte met my gaze with the same coldness.

She didn’t reach for her sword. She didn’t back away, either.

After a few seconds, I slowly let out a breath.

I had to keep my temper under control.

Killing my supervisor would be the most troublesome way to finish the exam.

Besides, it was too soon for her to die.

I turned my attention back to the corridor.

This time, Charlotte didn’t ask another question.

As the silence stretched on, I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. A strand of black hair had fallen forward over her shoulder. Even while sitting, she maintained her posture and kept the other students in view.

But what drew my attention most was that familiar feeling she gave off, and the resemblance in her face.

She looked like my mother.

I’d lost all my memories, all the happy and sad moments I’d shared with the people I’d known. Yet one face still remained in my mind.

That single memory that had survived when all the others were lost...

There was a woman with golden hair falling over her shoulders. Her face was pale. A few strands of hair clung to her forehead with sweat. Tears filled her emerald eyes, but she still tried to give me a small smile.

She held a tiny body in her arms.

Me.

My hand rested against the fabric of her dress. My fingers were too small to grasp it, but she still closed her hand over mine.

When she brought her face closer, a tear fell onto my cheek.

"Shh, don’t cry, my little warrior..."

Her voice was gentle despite the tremor in it.

Then she’d said my name.

Cassian.

When she said my name, it hadn’t sounded like an order or a threat. It was the sweetest, most soothing melody I’d ever heard.

"Your mother loved you, Cassian."

Loved me, huh...

Why would anyone abandon someone they loved?

I didn’t have to think long to find the answer.

My eyes drifted to my pale skin and the veins faintly visible beneath it.

Then I looked at Charlotte again.

What was this feeling?

Jealousy? Anger, hatred, longing, or love? Or was it a sense of betrayal mixed in with all of them?

Maybe I was feeling them all at once.

She had a mother and a father. Siblings, a home to return to, a room of her own. As a child, she’d had a garden to play in and toys she knew wouldn’t be taken away.

A father who taught her how to use a sword...

A mother who praised her when she succeeded, scolded her when she made mistakes, and comforted her when she fell...

Someone who came to hold her when she cried and wiped away her tears.

As I thought about all of this, I couldn’t look away from her face.

And what about me?

What would have happened if Toven hadn’t decided to take me in that day?

Even the one person I’d had in my life had turned me into a lab rat. He’d allowed me to live, then filled every day of that life with endless pain.

I’d had no family when I cried in that cold laboratory.

When I was in pain, there was no one to sit beside me, hold my hand, and tell me it would pass soon.

I clenched my hand against my knee.

The girl sitting beside me had come from the life I’d never had.

She’d known the same woman’s love and walked through the door of that same home.

All I had was a single moment when that woman had held me in her arms.

"It’s not fair," I murmured.

Charlotte turned toward me.

"What?"

The surprise in her voice told me she had no idea what I meant.

I lowered my gaze to the floor. The words I wanted to say caught in my throat, and I fell silent for a moment.

Then, without looking at her, I asked,

"What does it feel like to have a mother?"