Chapter 132 130: Lesson From A Woodcarver

“Woah- hey! No, put that down, that’s dangerous!”

Eris reached out towards the small figure running around on the worktable holding a knife, being careful to avoid getting nicked by the blade. Meanwhile, the small jewelry box sitting just off to the side had a lid that was opening and shutting quickly, clicking and clattering as it did so. Eris glared at it.

“And can you stop laughing at that? This isn’t funny anymore.”

The box continued to open and close, while the small humanoid figure holding the knife continued to run and trace a mess through the sawdust that had been spread over the counter. Eris sighed.

“If you don’t stop, I’m disassembling both of you and putting you in a couple of rocks for time-out. Then you can’t move at all.”

Both objects ceased movement. She glared at the one on the counter.

“Give me the knife.”

Stiff, unbending wooden arms lowered and dropped the cutting tool onto the table with a small clang. Eris gently grabbed the knife, then pointed over towards the jewelry box.

“Now you are going to stay by Jewel, and both of you are going to sit quietly. I’m already wasting time that would be better used making new crafting equipment. The least you two could do is give use some damned peace and quiet while we work.”

Somehow, the jewelry box managed to look disappointed. The wooden doll did its best to sit down, but that resulted in the legs being forced to stick straight out since there weren’t any joints for a knee. Eris sighed.

“That is so weird,” Addison mumbled. Eris nodded.

“That’s not even the worst of it. Last night, when Rachel, Ophelia and I were- well… you know,” Eris let herself trail off. “Anyway, Dolly kept trying to join in. She wouldn’t SIT STILL ON THE NIGHTSTAND!”

Eris directed that last bit directly at the seated thing beside the jewellery box. It was a simple, plain wooden doll with about as limited features as could be created on such short notice. There was no face, no hair, no design on the body or the limbs, and held only the smooth texture of sanded wood. The only moving parts were simple groove joints where the legs met the waist, and where the arms met the shoulders. Despite the limbs only being able to move in the single direction of forward and back, Dolly had shown no small measure of agility. One of those arms then lifted straight forward as if to give a small wave.

Eris rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to wake up in the morning with a six-inch wooden doll trying to jerk you off?”

“N… no.”

“And I can’t exactly translate the language of a lid slamming open and shut,” Eris continued, “but I’m pretty sure Jewel was yelling at me when I tried putting my pants on this morning.”

The box gave a single ‘click’ of the lid. Eris rolled her eyes.

“I swear, they are the horniest things I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, considering the method of their creation, I don’t think it’s a coincidence…” Addison muttered. Eris recoiled, then glanced back inwards at one of her level nine skills.

Autoerotic Assistant   {Active} {Level 3}

Engage in a Lustful ritual to activate Autoerotic Assistant. Upon completion, one inanimate object made by you gains limited sentience until it takes sufficient damage or you choose to end the effect. You may only have {3} Autoerotic Assistants at a time. 

The ‘Lustful Ritual’ had, naturally, been an hour-long masturbation session where nobody was allowed to join in- meaning it was just Eris sitting in her bed, whacking herself off and edging herself to sate the requirements of the ritual. Only upon completion, when Eris was finally allowed to cum and pour a fat load all over the hastily-crafted wooden jewelry box did the seed absorb into the material and appear to crystallize. 

Now, that pine-wood box with a marbling effect caused by solidified cum was sitting at the end of the table, staring at her. So was the doll Eris experimented with next, to test the motor controls of anything she animated. Eris clenched her jaw.

“I would have assumed that the fact the skill has ‘Assistant’ in the name, they would have been a bit more inclined to help me with crafting, but it seems their only interest is getting in my pants.”

“Well, it’s Autoerotic Assistant, so their ‘assistance’ might just be for pleasure and not crafting.”

“Never let them near Bailey.”

“Agreed,” Addison nodded, then gently took her chisel back down to ease off another sliver of wood. “Though, why exactly are we making larger bodies for them if they might turn out to be living sex toys?”

“The usual,” Eris said. “The Syndicate wants to test and see how they function, but it’s hard to do that when the most complicated movement they can manage is opening and closing a lid. Because of that, they also can’t exactly help me out with crafting, so until we make better bodies, we don’t actually have a way of knowing if they’re even capable of using tools.”

Addison then glanced over to the assortment of three objects sitting on a nearby table. One was clearly, and without doubt, a wooden dildo. The other two were actually made of rubber, being long cylinders with a space in the middle to form a kind of constricted tunnel. The Woodcarver didn’t need to say anything, Eris understood just fine and replied with a blush.

“That was a request from the Syndicate,” she said quickly. “With how… active Dolly and Jewel were about that topic of interest, they wanted me to put the necessary parts in case there was some kind of reaction.”

“They want you to fuck your puppets that you made yesterday?”

Dolly actually started quivering- limbs jittering up and down to make the small figure shake in visible excitement. Jewel did the same, lid clattering with enough speed and force to make the box vibrate an inch across the tabletop. Eris snapped her head over.

“I swear to the Seven; I won’t do it unless you two behave!”

They settled down, and Eris rested both hands on the edge of the worktable. “Well, the sooner we finish these, the sooner I can regret every decision I’ve ever made. What’s next?”

“Uhh…” Addison pulled back her chisel and glanced over the wood she had been carving. “Well, the thing about these is that it seems like you won’t need anything too complicated for the effects. I think the most important thing, until we figure out what they’re capable of, is just to make them durable and sturdy.”

“I’m not gonna fuck them that hard,” Eris mumbled. That made Addison blush.

“Actually, I was referring to the fact that if they’re gonna be crafting, they need to handle heavy weights and deal with saws and hammers and the forge. All things that wood doesn’t really like.”

Red formed on Eris’s cheeks as well. “Oh.”

Addison cleared her throat. “Anyway, you might have ridiculous Durability bonuses, but that’s only gonna take you so far if you try and make these things out of twine and tissues. Magically increasing the Durability of something is gonna go a lot further if you actually make the creation itself sturdier. Therefore, we’re gonna use oak to form good, solid limbs and a stable body. As for how we’re going to do that…”

Addison lifted up one chunk of wood, which appeared to be the rough outline of a thigh.

“We always want to carve with the grain, because that’s going to make the wood stronger against pressure both lengthwise and from the end. Other than that, though, there isn’t much fine detail to add unless you want specific cosmetic changes.”

“No, it’s just going to be really simple.”

“Alright, then that makes this really easy. Since all of the joints are going to be metal sockets, then the only thing necessary for the woodwork of the limbs is going to be shaping and then a good varnish to seal-coat it. For oak wood, with a preference of Durability, then a good varnish is going to be a mixture of beeswax and linseed oil. That’ll keep it water resistant, protect against rot and mold, and won’t add any other kinds of magical attunements we aren’t looking for.The only outliers are going to be the fingers, which are going to have padded leather fingertips so we need to carve them down slightly more to accommodate the extra material and provide a sturdier varnish that would hold up to more wear and tear. Therefore, ironwood is an excellent choice because it has phenomenal resilience, attunement to various Durability-enhancing effects, and can withstand very high temperatures in case the assistants are going to use the forge, or the stove, or anything like that.”

“Then why not make the entire body out of ironwood?” Eris asked. Addison raised an eyebrow.

“Because if we did that, these things would weigh over three hundred pounds when they’re only four feet tall. We don’t even know how much weight your assistants can handle, so before we start trying to make bodies out of the heaviest wood in the world, we should see if they can even move oak.”

“Okay, fair.”

“Now, the faces are going to be the more complex thing, especially if we want them to be able to show emotion.”

That made Eris pause. “We’re giving them emotions?”

Addison set down the thigh and moved over to a three rounded blocks that had been dedicated for the heads. “Well, sort of. I figured we could take the simple way and have the head on a spinning dowel, that way they can rotate it all the way around. Then, we just put a few different faces on it and whichever one they feel can be the one they put forward.”

“What if they don’t feel emotions at all, so the faces are pointless?”

Addison raised her eyebrows. “Well, we know one emotion they feel…”

“Yeah, yeah, horny, I know,” Eris sighed. “What first? We carving the faces, painting them…?”

“I figured carving,” Addison said. “You know, since I’m a Woodcarver and I need to make sure that you’re actually doing things the right way instead of improvising through the crafting process.”

Eris rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I got the hint, can you repeat that and be a little less subtle?”

The blonde ignored the redhead with a grin. “But the faces can wait. Let’s get the body shaped, first. Start with the forearms, and remember- cut with the grain.”

“Keep it sturdy, got it.” Eris grabbed her chisel and slid over one of the roughly-shaped chunks of wood. Just as she was about to lower her goggles and readjust the apron (which was also the only thing she was wearing, and therefore meant Dolly and Jewel had been particularly rowdy), Addison laid a hand atop the limb to stop her.

“Not just that. The grain of the wood forms a natural pathway- both for tensile stress, as well as magic. In other crafts, like metal, the magic is going to flow through the item evenly. Magic in wood doesn’t do that. It’s going to follow the grain, meaning anything you’re trying to connect to the wood is only gonna work best when you take that into account. Metal screws or pins, you want it to go through as many layers of the grain as possible so that as much of the magic transfers as possible. However, that also puts a blockage in the path, meaning anything else attached to the wood later down the line is only going to get the leftovers that leaked past. Like a hole in a pipe. The bigger the hole, the more water escapes where you want, but the less that goes past to flow through something else attached later.”

Eris narrowed her eyes.

“So… the wood is always cut with the grain, and anything extra put into the wood needs to be attached against the grain to maximize the magic output?”

“In a simple sense, yeah.” Addison dragged a finger along the surface of the arm, tracing the natural lines in the wood. “As you’re cutting, you actually don’t want to keep things perfectly smooth like you would with stone or metal. If possible, you want to cut as close to the grain of the wood, or even the rings of the tree. You can use that natural pathway as the outside edge and border of your creation, allowing magic to flow through and over the item equally. Like…”

Addison reached into her pocket and pulled free what was obviously a small handle of some kind, ready to affix to a blade or tool. The handle was assuredly smooth to avoid any risk of splinters, but there were a lot of little organic bumps and ridges. It, in truth, looked like a stick that had been picked up off the ground. The most beautiful, perfect stick that could have been possible, but still holding that natural feel.

“It doesn’t look as refined, but trust me when I say that this transfers magic better than a straight dowel. Not by much, but a little bit makes a big difference- probably even more when dealing with the amount of magic you’re putting out.”

“Okay, and we’re doing this over the entire body, for all three bodies?”

“Ideally.”

“That sounds very, very time consuming.”

“... Yeah. I mean, it gets better when you’re used to following the grain, but-... yeah, it can take a while.”

Eris sighed and let the tip of her chisel rest on the wood. “Any particular tips, or am I improvising?”

Addison let out a long breath which devolved into a raspberry.

“Uhh… let the wood guide the chisel? Just apply the pressure? If the chisel is sharp enough, then it should kinda glide along the grain as long as the angle isn’t too sharp.”

“You sound incredibly certain about that…” Eris poked. Addison rolled her eyes.

“Well, just don’t think about it too much. If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t. Just start chipping these down and I’ll varnish them.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Eris let the tip of her chisel bite into the wood, glancing over for a moment as Addison began her own work. Eris really shouldn’t have, since Addison began applying varnish to the dildo. The smooth wood was quickly wiped over with a slick sheen of a dark colour, but the worst part was the way that Addison was doing it.

“Do you really have to jerk it off like that? I’m trying to focus.”

Addison glanced up, blinked, then glanced back down with a blush forming over her cheeks.

“Oh, uhh… I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Of all the ways that you could apply the varnish to a dildo, you chose to jerk it and you say you didn’t mean it?”

“I was just going with the grain!” Addison squeaked. “If you try applying varnish against the grain, it doesn’t properly get in the gaps. You need to go along the path so that it flows evenly!”

“Mmm, of course,” Eris nodded playfully. “Just going with the grain, I see how it is.”

Addison’s ears started to turn a pinker shade. “I promise! Damn near every single part of Woodcarving comes down to the grain! How you cut, how you whittle, how you sand, and how you polish! The grain is everything, and if you don’t work with it, the item isn’t gonna be as good!”

“Fine, fine, just do your thing,” Eris waved her hand. “I’ll be here, carving bodies for Dolly, Jewel, and whoever their new friend ends up being. Just think of names in the meantime for number three.”

Addison returned to applying the varnish, the red still on her face, and Eris let a long shaving of wood split from the edge of the chisel while it dragged through the material. Then, Addison paused.

“Ah, crap.”

“What?” Eris asked, tilting her eyes up through the goggles. 

“I- uhh…” Addison gulped. “I need the skill, again.”

“It wore off?”

The blonde nodded and started walking over, hands nervously working to unbutton the front of her pants. Eris lifted her goggles and closed the gap so that the two were standing front-to-front. She glanced upwards.

“Ready?”

Addison nodded. Then, she craned her neck down to let their faces meet, while a tentative hand snaked under the front of the apron to wrap fingers around Eris’s cock. Eris did much the same, letting one hand slide down the unbuttoned front of Addison’s jeans, into her underwear, and grab a gentle hold of a half-erect dick that quickly swelled to attention.

While the two girls gingerly stroked each other’s genitals, as was the need of the ritual, their lips didn’t remain inactive. There was tongue, a bit of lip nibbling, and even a few small moans as their other hands held the back of the other’s neck to hold them close. After all, they needed to be passionate about it, or one of her level seven skills wouldn’t work.

Minor Boon   {Active} {Level 3} 

Engage in a Lustful ritual to activate Minor Boon. Upon completion, the recipient gains a {30%) bonus to one stat of their choice. The bonus lasts for four hours, or until Minor Boon is used on them again.

In her head, Eris was counting.

One. Two. Three…

Seven. Eight. Nine-

At ‘ten’, Addison suddenly shuddered with a breathy moan. Eris held their lips together as the ritual finished, Addison’s cock throbbing with arousal in her hand. After a moment, Addison pulled away, cheeks bright red.

“Th-thanks.”

“All part of the job, right?” Eris grinned. Then, she heard someone clear their throat from behind her, prompting Eris to turn around. Charlotte was standing there, having unstrapped the lower section of her armour- enough to make a gap that a hand could squeeze into.

“It wore off on me, too,” the Knight said with her best attempt to keep a straight face. Eris smiled.

“Okay, okay. Let’s give you your bonus-”

“Knock knock!”

The door swung open, immediately prompting Charlotte to spin around with a hand going for the hilt of her sword, but paused upon seeing who was entering. 

“We’re here to get ritualistically fondled for the betterment of the Syndicate!” Rocky smiled brightly. As the Leatherworker undid the button on the front of her jeans, Eris could see a small parade behind her. Grace, Tatum, Rachel, Ophelia, Hima, and even Bailey. That made Eris raise an eyebrow.

“Why are you here? You don’t even have any stats to increase.”

“Yeah, but if everyone else is gonna get fingered and made out with, I want my turn- oh my gods are you putting dicks on them?!”

Bailey’s eyes went wide and she bounced over towards where Addison had returned to varnishing a dildo. Addison blushed. “Uh, just one. The other two are getting vaginas.”

Bailey waggled her eyebrows at Eris, not needing to say anything. The only response needed came from Dolly and Jewel, who clattered excitedly on the edge of the table. In fact, Jewel’s lid was chattering so fast that the box was vibrating and inching closer to the edge.

Eris simply sighed into her palm.