Chapter 79: Do It Because You Can

{Present — Carmilla Palace, Underworld}

"So, this is it, huh?"

Looking around, this sure was it.

"It is," I replied with a soft smile. "For now."

My peerage stood behind me, along with the few members of my legions that had survived being outside the palace. Ingvild was the only one right next to me, while the rest stood near the teleportation circle.

Etiquette, class and whatnot.

I could teleport everyone, but for now, it was more about the noble display.

"I do hope that this isn't the last time I see you," Carmilla stated. "Hopefully not during another war, but I would like for you to visit."

She was an interesting woman. Spending time with her wasn't bad, and I learnt a lot from her. I didn't know if she gained anything valuable from the time we spent together, but I did.

"As long as you don't ban us from entering the place, I would definitely love to visit." I then looked at Ingvild and my peerage. Bova was in his human form, Elmenhilde looked at Carmilla with confidence, Valerie looked away, and the two vampires stood far away from the others.

Something I would have to work on.

"And I know I don't hold a position as high as you," I continued, "but I would love to welcome you and your people to my estate sometime as well."

She took a step closer and turned her head to the right, which made me do the same.

Below us, outside the palace, was a massive crowd.

Vampires.

All of them were there for our departure.

"They appreciate your help," Carmilla said. "Many even look up to you as their hero."

I saw children, young vampires who stood before everyone else and looked up at us with glittering eyes. Their mothers stood right behind them, and their fathers to the side.

There were families outside.

Many with all their members, many with only those who survived. Many alone. Even so, they didn't seem angry.

"They have lost a lot."

It made me walk towards the edge, drawing even more attention towards us.

"And they still came for us, huh?"

It felt weird. I wasn't the hero, the good guy, or even someone they should look up to or be thankful for.

If anything, I was selfish and only thought about myself. And still, they didn't look at me with contempt. The women who had lost their children and husbands, the husbands who had lost their family, parents without their child.

None of them carried any hatred.

I waved, drawing smiles and cheers. I felt thankful. I felt guilty.

"Don't be sad," Carmilla said, walking behind me. "They are alive because of you. They know it."

"You did your best, Lord Faiser," Ingvild added.

I couldn't reply and only kept waving my hand.

Not until I heard a child shout.

"THANK YOU LORD FAISER!"

It was a young girl. Short hair and a broken tooth.

"THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING MY FATHER!"

I couldn't stop the smile from blooming after hearing that. And as if a chain reaction, a domino falling, everyone else started to cheer as well.

"THANK YOU FOR BRINGING BACK MY SON!"

"THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY WIFE!"

"LORD FAISER! THANK YOU!"

And it wasn't just me.

"LADY INGVILD! THANK YOU!"

"THANK YOU LORD BOVA!"

"THANK YOU LADY ELMENHILDE!"

The cheers kept coming.

"THANK YOU YOUR HIGHNESS!"

Valerie looked away. She knew that she wasn't getting any cheers. And as much as I wanted someone to cheer for her too, I knew it wasn't possible.

Unfortunate, but helpless.

"You are a hero," Carmilla said. "You did everything you could. You saved more than I ever could have managed. Be proud of that."

This was a level of appreciation not even the Four Satans combined received, and it was all directed at me.

Even the devils of my legion, who had lost their friends and comrades for a war that didn't even involve the devils… they didn't seem angry either. They smiled towards us as well.

All I could do was smile back and show my appreciation.

I stood there for a while before finally finding enough strength to walk away.

The time in the Vampire Realm was difficult, stressful, interesting, entertaining, and a lot of other things all at once.

Still, I had to leave. It was time to go back to the Devil World, to resume my life.

It was time to be a Lord again. To be a devil.

My legion prepared to teleport away as well, a certain few responsible for taking a certain something with them.

A quick smuggling.

"Thank you for hosting us." I extended my hand towards the queen. Probably not something a simple noble was allowed to do in proper society, but a friend definitely was.

She didn't hesitate and took my hand. "Thank you for fighting alongside us."

This was it. This was the end of the vampire war. The few days that somehow felt longer than a year.

A definite memory I wouldn't forget.

"Goodbye now," she said. "Lord Faiser."

"Goodbye, Your Highness."

That was it for us.

I stepped back towards the circle. The cheers continued, the vampires calling my name countless times. And I could feel Carmilla's presence behind me.

With the memories and the experience, I stepped onto the circle and glanced back at them.

"I will be back."

My peerage stepped onto the circle as well, right behind me.

"You better be."

And that was the last thing I heard before the circle flared up and the surroundings changed.

The last thing I saw was a tired-looking queen.

One who had fought a war, won it, and yet couldn't rest.

Not for a long time.

A strong and brave woman.

Worthy of respect.

* * *

{Same Time — Devil's Meeting Assembly of Lucifaad}

—Serafall Leviathan—

She was leaning on her chair, the voices sounding dull to her. She needed to focus.

She couldn't.

Her mind was still stuck on what had happened. The war. Faiser recklessly risking his life. Ingvild being proactive.

And her still standing in the shadows.

"The letter confirming Faiser's promotion has been prepared," the tired voice of Zekram echoed from the end of the table. "His signature will confirm the promotion."

She wondered what the old devil was tired for.

He didn't lift a finger. It was all Faiser. Even she, to a small extent, had worked.

But Zekram?

He had been sitting on his ass the whole time.

Deciding not to say anything, with Sirzechs, Falbium, and Ajuka handling the discussions, she went back to staring at the ceiling.

'What do I even want?'

She didn't know.

No, she knew.

She just couldn't afford it. She didn't have the right for it.

"You should have made a better deal," Zekram rubbed his forehead, and Serafall couldn't care less about what he thought. She was done with this meeting. "The devils earned a lot, but you should have pushed for Faiser's rewards to be mixed with the devils. We could have used another cha—"

She pushed her chair back, the legs scraping loudly against the floor and immediately drawing everyone's eyes towards her.

And once again, she couldn't care less.

"I-I think it's fine," it was the Phenex. She knew that Faiser and Sirzechs had made a deal with him, and that Phenex was still pretty messed up from that. "In the end, the profit still flows to the Devil World. Lord Faiser being stronger means the Devil World being stronger. And we did hear that he stepped into the Satan Class, which means we now have another devil who can stand for us."

She lost interest again.

The rest of the Satans would handle it. They always did. And everyone knew better than to mess with Faiser.

"Lord Faiser deserves it for everything that he has done for us, and in this case, the vampires." Even Lord Bael spoke in favour of Faiser. "And it is because of him that we are getting any sort of reward."

Zekram's voice dropped.

"I… maybe."

It was disrespectful, yet she walked out anyway. The devils watched her leave. They wanted to say something, but they couldn't. The other Satans knew she was tired of it, and so they stayed quiet as well.

She stepped out of the meeting hall and walked outside for some fresh air.

As fresh as it got in the Devil World.

Leaning against the railing and looking out into the distance, she sighed.

"What am I going to do?"

Nothing, probably.

She wanted to do a lot of things, but how could she?

Faiser lost his parents because she was weak. He was captured because she was useless. He had to fight alone because she was late.

So far, she had been nothing but added baggage for him.

She too wanted to be like Ingvild. Close.

Ingvild wasn't as strong as her. She wasn't nearly there yet. And yet she still stood next to Faiser, still there whenever he needed someone, still there when he was tired.

Maybe it was because she was his Queen. It was her duty.

But as a Satan, as someone who owed a lot to his parents, she too should have been there for him.

And yet she couldn't.

Either she was always late, or her being a Satan simply made it impossible.

Sighing again, she looked out at the vast emptiness.

"Those sighs don't seem to be without a reason."

Her head turned toward the voice, her eyes finding Mephisto Pheles as he walked toward her. More accurately, toward the railings.

"Something on your mind, Lady Leviathan?"

Mephisto was an old devil. He might look younger than the elders, but he was just as old as them. He had lived for countless years and had seen the world far more than she had.

And yet he was neither like Zekram, greedy and clinging to the old values, nor like them, trying to reshape the old world.

He hovered freely.

Standing for the Devil World, but never fully committing to either side.

As if he simply did whatever he felt like doing.

And somehow, that made her mumble before him without even realizing it.

"What do you do when you want something, but you can't have it? When you want to do something, but your name and position prevent you from doing it?"

She wasn't sure why she asked him.

Mephisto rarely bothered with conversations unless they were absolutely necessary. He did what he wanted. Even these meetings, he probably only attended because he was bored.

Leaning against the railings beside her, he pulled out a cigarette from his pocket.

Smoking, drinking… none of it really did anything for devils. Unless they took something potent like poison, they couldn't truly feel drunk or high.

"You want one?" he asked, offering another from his pocket. "You seem to need it."

She shook her head.

She didn't smoke.

"You don't even feel anything from it," she said, not really bothered by the smoke.

"I don't," he agreed. "But I still do it."

"Why?"

That made the old devil smirk.

"Because I want to."

The answer wasn't surprising. It fit his character.

"I cannot." She sighed again and looked out at the emptiness. "It's… different for me."

"Why so?" the extra devil asked.

Serafall wanted to go on a long rant about her situation, and she could have.

But she chose to keep it short.

"Because I am a Satan, because I have duties, and because I don't deserve it."

The devil looked at her curiously.

"If you think you don't deserve it, then there is nothing we can do about it. It would be meaningless."

She stayed silent.

"But why do you not deserve it?" he asked. "Because you made a mistake?"

Seeing her remain silent, he understood.

"I cannot change how you feel, but I can tell you this. If you want something, then forget about the result or the consequences and just do it," he stated. "I am smoking because I want to. It doesn't do anything for me. I am not even allowed to smoke in here. Not to mention I am smoking in front of you, a Satan."

That made her smile. It wasn't like she would punish him for it.

"You have your duties and responsibilities, sure. But you're the one who chose to take them on. And it'll also be you if you decide to stop doing them, or stop worrying about them." He shrugged. "Yeah, some people might get angry. They might shout. You could even get kicked out of power. But at the end of the day, none of that really ends your life. You're still free to do whatever you want. And what if you don't deserve it? You can still do it. The only thing stopping you is the feeling that you don't deserve it."

It was a weird combination of optimism and nihilism.

No, one could even call it absurd.

But he wasn't wrong.

There were actions and consequences.

"Things are only meaningful if you give them meaning," he added. "Choose what you give meaning to, forget the rest. That's how I have lived so far. And I have been alive for… I don't remember how long, but long enough, isn't it?"

"What about this sense of unworthiness?" she asked. "How do I convince myself that I deserve it when I don't?"

It wasn't as easy as simply choosing whether she deserved it or not. It didn't seem as simple as he made it sound.

"Well…" He took a deep puff, the cigarette burning low near his lips. After a slow exhale, he spoke. "Still do it. Try. If you succeed, if you get what you wanted, then maybe you were beating yourself up for nothing while the world didn't care either way. And if you fail, then it just confirms what you already believed, that you didn't deserve it. But what does that really change? You had already convinced yourself of that, so for you… nothing changes."

It was stupid. It was funny.

But weirdly enough, it made her genuinely think about it.

"And that's the best part about thinking of yourself as a failure," he chuckled. "I mean, it's not exactly a good thing. But if, after beating yourself up forever, you finally find the courage to take a step forward… then there's really only one direction left. Up. You're already at the bottom. You can't fall much lower. So why not just move forward, climb a little, make the effort?"

He turned around.

"And sure, you are a Satan. But ask yourself this. Does it matter if I am not a Satan anymore? Does it matter if I fail? It's not like someone else cannot take the seat. Sure, maybe not as capable, but the seat won't stay empty. So the question is… are you willing?"

"Think about it." Finishing his cigarette, he began making his way back. "And just live. Do whatever you want."

He didn't bother with much more of an explanation and simply vanished instead.

Leaving behind an endlessly sighing Satan, contemplating everything on her own.

'It doesn't matter if I deserve it or not, I should do it if I want to, huh?'

It was stupid, and yet it made her smile.

"How ridiculous."

Stupid.

But comforting.

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{A/N: Got a pat reon named RedLamp01 with 30+ chapters + Other Stories.

Messi's farewell, Batman II shooting being postponed, so many players injured during the international friendlies… 😭}