Novel Full 55 A Moment of Grief
“Are you alright?”
The question was asked to him by the silver-haired man as he stood beside him.
It was that very night still, with the fresh memories of the horrific events still thriving in his mind as he stood silently, looking at the grass beneath their feet.
He was brought to a compound, using one of the Gangcheori members’ unique abilities to transport the entirety of the group to Seoul; it was an area different than any other in the world shaped by Aramgeddon.
“–“
Large walls stood, formed of scavenged steel and other resources, reinforced and actively guarded by lookouts, maintaining a barrier around the sector of the city where no Defects could get through.
It was just him and Dae-Seong there, but some members looked on from a distance, giving him space.
It was a burial ground. There were many headstones; it was almost countless.
The secluded area surrounded by umber trees wasn’t an actual graveyard, but one of Gangcheori’s own making in Dosan park..
There were hardly any concuent thoughts in his mind, but many fractures, painful ones as he stood with his fists clenched, looking down at the fresh set of four burial spots where his companions rested.
With the night, came the rain, dripping down onto the verdant grass as the two stood there in silence.
Dae-Seong himself had helped settle his fallen comrades into the melancholic field, wiping the dirt off of his hands as he momentarily removed his glasses.
“Jeong-Hui.”
“–“
“It is important that you don’t let this bring you to a stop,” Dae-Seong told him, “I know how it feels; the light of hope has dwindled, and an immeasurable darkness veils your sight–but, even so, you have to move forward.”
“I know that,” he replied quietly without looking at the man.
Dae-Seong looked up towards the rainy sky, pouring down from the abundant, ever present clouds that hid the stars.
“It’s one thing to know, but it’s another to understand. Just telling yourself to move forward won’t be enough. Every day your own mind will test your conviction and resolve, you’ll ponder “what-ifs”…that’s why just telling yourself isn’t enough,” Dae-Seong told him.
He finally looked at the man, seeing the deeply-seeded pain and experience that laid in those eyes, tucked behind the veil of his lenses.
It was clear to him that the silver-haired leader spoke from a place of experience, and of care.
“How do I understand it, then?” He asked
The rain came down harder as the ambience of the cloud’s grievances pelting against the many leaves around them filled his ears.
“I can’t answer that for you,” Dae-Seong spoke patiently to him, looking at the flowers that signified the graves of the young man’s companions, “but, I found my reason to move forward initially through spite.”
“Spite…?”
“Sometimes the only thing keeping you upright is hatred. Maybe it’s spite against the one who wronged you, life itself, or some other abstract concept–it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t need to be spite–guilt can be enough,” Dae-Seong told him, “Eventually, time will dull that pain, and you’ll find a worthy reason to continue.”
The words were hardly uplifting, but they served some use as he found himself lifting his head, looking up at the somber clouds as the cold rain pelted down against his face, causing his curly, red locks to become drenched and stringy.
“So what will it be for you, Jeong-Hui?”
He didn’t answer for a moment until his tears fled his eyes without his expression shifting, mixing seamlessly with the falling rain.
…My reason to continue moving forward…He thought.
“I’m angry. It’s just…so unfair. They were good people–they…were my friends,” his expression finally relieved into sorrow as he sunk his face against his hands.
“What is it you’re angry at, exactly?”
“All of this. So what if humanity is a little messed up? What changes by taking away the right to live from everybody?…It’s stupid. I hate it. I just wanted to live a normal life–I didn’t want to have to kill people, or experience things like this…! I’m not some ruthless fighter–I’m not special…why did I have to be dragged into this?”
He fell to his knees as he finally let it all out, letting his tears flow unrestrained as he looked dreadfully down at the filled graves.
“Whether you want to fight or not, if you want to continue on, whether it’s for yourself or the efforts of those who’ve brought you this far, you have to fight,” Dae-Seong placed his hand on his shoulder, “You’ve made it this far. You’ve made it to us, and us to you. That means something, Jeong-Hui.”
“–“
“It means you want to live. Even in a cruel, falling world, you want to live. That’s your drive, isn’t it?”
“–“
“Feel free to take as much time as you need to recover.”
With those last words, the leader of Gangcheori left a pat on his shoulder before leaving the secluded graveyard of the fallen.
He knew it without it having to be said; this graveyard was a place of sorrow for Dae-Seong as well, and likely many of Gangcheori.
The burial spots were plentiful–in the high dozens; it was a reminder to him, past all of that despair in his heart, that he had to continue on, no matter how much it hurt.
…Hyun…
…Ara…
…Myung-Hee…
…Kamou…
You’d all want me to fight, wouldn’t you? Even if I don’t know what lies beyond the horizon, within the “Tower”, I’ll fight…that’s all I can do as part of the last bastion of humanity, he resolved.
It would be a journey of hardship, and little mercy, but it was one that he needed to make. There was hardly much sympathy left in his heart for his enemies, after facing such an event previously–but, it did leave him with something new.
Never again–he won’t hesitate.
From that day onward, he never wore his glasses again–not that they were needed, but they also only served to fog his vision with painful memories.