One Thousand Two Hundred And Eighteen

Dear Diary,

Y'know, I'm really not sure how fast my Troll Girls or Muiris are gonna grow up, so I definitely want to spend more time with them while they're little. I've been feeling a little melancholy about how fast our kits grew up, I think. Yeah, I'm sorta guessing that with how Aoibh still clocks as an infant rather than a baby going on toddlerhood, she's thrown to the Dan side of the fence, and I'll have plenty of time with her in every stage of development, but...

It isn't about me. It isn't about my need to nurse a baby, or play with a toddler, or even run around the yard with our kids. It's about them. It's about connecting to my daughters and sons in a deep, meaningful way so that some day, when I'm not there for whatever reason, they know without a doubt that Mama's got their back.

I guess that's maybe a little about me. I want to be the best mom I can be for my kids. Which... I know that adults need somebody too. I sure as fuck need Mom and Dad. If something happened to either or both of them...

I was gonna make that old joke about 'kill everyone and then myself', but... Yeah, I don't think that's nearly as funny now that I'm not living in a fuckin' dystopia. That said, if something happened and I couldn't fix it, there would be consequences for whoever or whatever ultimately wound up responsible. And if there wasn't any particular person responsible, I would move heaven and earth to memorialize them.

Because it started out as a kind of in joke, but over the years it's just become true. My dad is the best.

Kinda funny that I get a little twinge when I say that and don't immediately hear him say 'I know', but then I've gotten a lot of habits, even when talking to myself, to avoid setting off the conditions of our deal. I mean, at first I was tryna keep secrets. By the time I'd told him all of them, I think it had shifted to a kind of embarrassment over the times I'd be calling out 'oh god' repeatedly. But now it's shifted, become something where I don't want to blow up his phone without thinking about it.

And I appreciate your discretion, Daughter.

Hey, it's just cause you're the best.

I know.

So yesterday I had what's looking like my most stressful class this Season, which is saying something given the fact that I'm teaching Combat Training at three different Academies with three radically different cohorts of Cadets. Seriously, I know we're trying for some amount of uniformity, and I think eventually we'll get there, but right now it just hasn't happened yet.

The Phileo Cadets seem to think they're some kind of wunderkinds, and each of them tries to be the Hero, which is not bad, but they really need to get it together when it comes to squad level tactics. I'm sure the Marshall will knock sense into them when it comes to Strategy and Logistics, but my job is making sure that when a half dozen of them need to work together to deal with a rogue Dragon that they hit it like a six Hero team rather than dropping one at a time as each of them tries to solo it.

The Camden Yards Cadets get the basic idea that whether you're up against one human sized enemy or a Kaiju, you all jump in as hard as possible, but they've got some flies in their ointment. It's rare for one of them to be willing to go first, especially if they know they're gonna take a hit doing so. I've mostly worked that out of them, but only by getting them all to go in at once, which is at least going in. The other problem is that they tend not to cover the fallen. Yeah, in some fights down is dead, but not only are those little bastards some of the highest Endurance Cadets I've seen, which means even down hard might not be dead, but dead doesn't have to be permanent if you can get them back to me or my Clergy in one piece. Not sure I can Revive somebody without a Body, and I'm not sure fewmets qualify.

Finally, the Newark Cadets, who I'm hoping are gonna pass that test I lowkey gave them Friday. With them it's not really 'who's going first' so much as 'are you sure we can do this'. They're all tentative. I've done everything I can to work that out of them, and they're leagues better than they were when we started working together, but... I guess at the end of the day it's the same as the Camden Yards Cadets. They're products of the environment they grew up in, and unlike the Yards, which had the Drivers, the ridiculously extended Aetos Family, and the Obols all kinda pushing their kids to be more than just bootblacks and shit, Newark was just another borough destined to be digested by New Amsterdam eventually.

Thing is, with all of those I've identified my Cadets, their strengths and weaknesses, and my goal is to turn them into the kind of effective weapons that will complete their missions in few enough pieces that they can be put back together at the end and hit the bar for a couple brews and talk about 'should have seen the other guy' as we swap scar stories. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, my Cadets kinda sorta might be the little tiniest bit intimidated by me. If I told them that having somebody use a pastry bag to pump mayonnaise up their butt was the super secret technique to go completely beast mode in combat, I'm sure there'd be a mayo shortage and some real funny stains in their underwear.

While there's some little kid flavored Worship going on in my Math classes, little kids are nowhere near that gullible. Okay, mine aren't. I'm not sure about kids who are brought up fed nothing but six flavors of bullshit. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, Marylin Calvert is not an idiot. Given that half of what I'm teaching I'm figuring out as I go, I know I get some of it wrong sometimes and have to go back over it with my students and make sure they've got it right. I mean, I've tried to be open about that shit, make it clear that 'teacher made an oopsie', and explain where I went wrong. I think with the kids especially it's let them avoid that whole analysis paralysis perfectionism thing, because if the Great and Powerful Tabitha Diaz can fuck shit up, it's no big if they don't get it right on the first try.

Not sure Marylin's gonna be that forgiving. Fortunately I'm teaching her shit that I've taught like six Seasons running so far, so the worst thing I've done is yesterday when she finished solving a long, complicated equation correctly and I was sorta on autopilot after teaching three different groups at three different levels all day, I said, "that's fantastic, you got it right the very first try, sweetie!"

I swear, I wasn't tryna be condescending or flirtatious, but now I'm worried that I'm gonna have yet another head of state tryna sample my baby batter or some shit like that.

Then again, while 'too many women wanting me to impregnate them' was never on my radar as a potential problem, not least of which because I'm not a dude, I can say with certainty that it's a far better problem than 'War, Plague, Famine, and Death'. Been there, done that, had to retire the tee shirts because I ripped them all in half for emergency titty access.

At any rate, Furtim arrived shortly before the end of class, and spent the last few minutes, while I wrapped up with the kids and other adults, speaking quietly with Marylin. Which did not make that whole 'oh, shit, I'm being pimped out for stud services' worry any less prominent, but then they're both functionally heads of state of neighboring Cities. Also, Marylin just finished writing her City's new Constitution less than a year ago, so maybe she was going to her for tips or some shit like that.

Stepped us all home, was very thankful that Marie had the two of us focused on 'cook once, reheat for the rest of the weekend' stuff on Thursday, because that meant we just needed to heat stuff up and put together some sides. Which today was fresh bread and leftover stew. Not stew that was leftover, by the way, but stew we made out of a dozen or so half portions of stuff folks had brought to the Revel, because all of it was in that 'not quite enough to make a single serving side, too much to excuse throwing away' state. But all of it together made a kind of... Not gonna call it gumbo, because I've had that, but it was stew, and it was good.

At Furtim's request Mom and Dad came to the Homestead for the evening. Mostly so my newest baby Mama could use me as a floatie pillow in the Bath again. I'm not gonna say I'm super fond of it, and if she were here every day I'd wind up missing aquatic snuggles from the rest of my partners, but I think it might be growing on me. Kinda like a weighted blanket or something like that. Which does say something about my Strength, I guess, with her now being at least ten feet tall and kinda on the muscular heavy side at that. She's not a 'vaguely buoyant tungsten statue', she's a heavy blanket.

Also, and I think this is both why I found it odd and unfond, but I'm learning to appreciate it, there's never any sense of titillation. Like, Tallulah is sex-positive Ace, so if I don't want that kind of thing, she's more than willing to just float together, but with both of us being sex positive and, not to put too fine a point on it, maybe a little randy, it's also not incredibly unlikely that one or both of us will get some urges. Meanwhile I think Furtim is more in the 'sex is for procreation' portion of the Ace spectrum, which... I don't get it, but I respect it, and that lack of pressure can be nice, I guess.

Also, it gives the rest of our polycule a chance to get on the big screen beside the Maw.

I've got a polycule. I'm part of one, and if some bits are... No, we're all connected in different ways, and that's fine. Never thought that's where I'd wind up, but here we are. And yes, I definitely feel the same way about them as I do about Mom and Dad. Somebody hurts one of them in a way I can't fix, and that somebody is gonna be very, very lucky if they don't wind up the capsaicin covered spiky version of The Morrigan's personal Helheim.

Gotta remember to check in on her.

After a surprisingly restful night's sleep, we all headed over Mom and Dad's place for family therapy. The Docs are still sleeping at the Homestead, at least on weekends, and when we all arrived at the cave, Doc Z let us all know in the least actionable way that our Troll Girls had interrupted the two of them the night prior. Maybe in the evening, maybe in the morning, not sure, but like I said, he dropped the bomb in a way that meant I wasn't about to go bitching at them.

"Everyone, five of your sisters, five of your daughters came to Steve and I last night with a request for today." When everybody quieted down the rest of the way and got themselves settled, he nodded toward the Troll Girls, who stood up. "Did you want to tell them?"

Davey's Troll Girl shook her head with a 'go on' gesture.

Doc Z nodded and smiled. "That's fine. I suppose that's why you came to us. The five of them would like your help today coming up with the names they will use until they come of age."

I'm not sure if nobody noticed Furtim stiffening at that, or if everybody decided it was the kind of faux pas you noticed, but ignored until the person got their foot out of their mouth and head out of their ass, but as the family, kids especially, kind of descended on the Troll Girls, I shifted over to my Prefect.

"You gonna be okay with this?" I asked under the increasing cover of the naming noise.

She kind of clapped her jaws a little. First negation, then chagrin, then genuine amusement. "Your fault."

"What?"

She looked right at me, and if she'd still been in negation mode, I'd have been worried I was about to be negated. "Change."

Yeah, it took me a second, and I felt that same amused chagrin on my own face. "Sorry."

She shook her head, a surprisingly Human gesture. "Don't be. Needed. Just..."

Yeah, I couldn't resist. I waved her down, pulled her tympanic membrane close to my mouth with a tentacle around her neck, and whispered, "terrifying?"

She turned her head just far enough to look me right in the eye, slow blinked once, then...

Holy shit I am aware that courage is the ability to act through fear, and for some people that means controlling that fear, but I've never had somebody as brave as Furtim just... Stop controlling it before. By the time I really came back to myself I was sitting on the edge of Dad's bed up near the head of it, as far as possible from the rest of the cave and the ongoing discussion. Furtim's head rested in my lap, and I gently stroked her head as she pulled herself together.

"Have you ever done that before?" When she looked up at me without moving her head, I clarified, "let go like that?"

She smiled, again deliberately using the Human expression. "Not since I got my name."

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so I tried something new. Instead of spouting bullshit or throwing rizz, I just sat there and held her while the kids did their thing.

Eventually we got pulled back into it, because the kids had decided on the new names, and each of them wanted to 'officially' introduce themselves to Furtim and I, as their 'Dam and Sire'. Which... So fuckin' weird. I'm Mama, I'm Papa, and now I'm Sire. So fuckin' weird.

So Davey's friend is now Lingua Acris. Not sure I'm super thrilled with one of my girls being called 'Sharp Tongue', but she liked it and her sisters said it fit, so fuck it.

The one who's been singing with our little in House band is Vox Dulcis. Sweet voice is a lot nicer, although she seemed kinda shy about it. She looked surprised when I told her I liked it, which left me feeling some kinda way about not telling Lingua that, but Vox wound up sorta floored when Furtim growled out, "appropriate."

Isadora walked up with her little sleeping buddy... Okay, look, I say 'little', but all five Troll girls are my size. But next to Isadora she looked little, and sounded it when she looked at the floor and said, "I'm Somnia. Somnia Dulcia."

I'm not sure why she looked so shy about it. 'Sweet Dreams' immediately made me think of redheaded singers, but that's just me, and it's not like it's a bad thing to be called. I felt more than heard some kind of objection forming in Furtim's mind. Then Isadora... She didn't growl, or grimace, or do anything else I could clock as threatening. But Furtim went tense in response, then after a few moments relaxed, nodded, and said, "so you are." I nodded and smiled encouragement as well, but didn't want to risk setting off whatever had just passed by saying something right then. Maybe later, when the air wasn't quite so charged. 

Then the two who chummed around with Anise and Felicia were up. The one who spent time in Daya's room making stuff, and incidentally getting her nails did on occasion, was now Manus Solertus. At this point I kinda recognized the theme, where they were pretty much picking stuff that jived with what they did, I guess maybe with who they wanted to be. Which again left me a little not copacetic about Sharp Tongue, nor about not giving her props for going first.

Then the final Troll Girl walked up to her mom, looked her in the eye, and announced, "I am Furtim the Younger."

Yeah, the big hug Furtim gave her namesake got a little rough and tumble, but they were both laughing while they did it, so I just put some tentacles around them to keep them from accidentally roughhousing their way into somebody less durable. I laughed along with them while they rolled around on the ground, obviously play fighting.

Right up until a certain Lingua Acris sidled up beside me and whispered, "it's okay, Papa. I know you're proud of me too."