Chapter 904: Holding Back

Ragnora’s house was trembling.

The bowls on the kitchen shelves rattled against one another with soft ceramic chimes. The candle on the dining table flickered left and right.

But there was no earthquake.

The source of the disturbance was Ragnora herself.

She paced back and forth near the doorway, her massive feet thudding against the wooden floor with enough force to send tremors through the entire structure.

She was walking around with anxiousness and nervousness in her heart and this was because Cassius had told her, before they parted ways earlier, that he would visit her again tonight.

The words had been casual, almost offhand. But to Ragnora, they had been everything.

’Tonight. He’s coming tonight.’

’He said he would come tonight.’

The thought made her heart race. She unconsciously raised her hand to her lips, brushing her fingers against them as she remembered the promise of what was to come.

The kiss she had been too frightened to take yesterday.

She had been waiting for hours. Every minute felt like an eternity. She had tried to sit down, to calm herself, to read a book, to do anything to pass the time.

But her body refused to cooperate. She was too excited. Too nervous. Too alive.

Then—

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Ragnora crossed the room in two massive strides and flung the door open with enough force to send a gust of wind billowing through the entryway.

Cassius stood on the threshold, his hand still raised mid-knock, his silver hair slightly windswept from the evening breeze.

"Good evening to you too, Commander."

"Cassius!"

Ragnora’s voice came out slightly breathless. She forced herself to calm down, to regain some semblance of composure.

"You came. I was...I was wondering if you might have been delayed."

"And miss our appointment? I’m a merchant, Commander. I never miss a scheduled transaction."

He stepped inside, and Ragnora closed the door behind him.

"How is Isabelle?" She asked, the words tumbling out in a rush. "Is she truly alright with you spending another night here? I don’t want to impose on her generosity. If she needs you at home—if she’s feeling lonely or neglected—please, don’t feel obligated to—"

"Ragnora." Cassius held up a hand, cutting off her rambling. "Isabelle is fine. More than fine. She practically shoved me out the door."

A wry grin crossed his features as he said,

"I tried to spend a bit more time with her at dinner tonight. You know, be a good husband, ask about her day, listen to her talk about all the monsters she obliterated in the western sector."

"But she wasn’t having any of it."

"She kept glancing at the clock and tapping her foot and finally she just grabbed me by the collar and said, ’Darling, Commander Ragnora is waiting for you. Stop dilly-dallying and go.’"

Ragnora felt a flush of warmth and guilt spread through her chest. "She really said that?"

"Yep. She also said something about how I’d better not disappoint you, and that if I came home without making you smile at least three times, she’d be very cross with me."

He shrugged. "So here I am. Under strict orders from my wife to make you smile."

Ragnora did smile, a small, shy curve of her lips that she couldn’t quite suppress.

"That’s...that’s very kind of her."

"That’s Isabelle for you." Cassius was still standing in the entryway, his hands clasped behind his back. "Now then. Before we begin tonight’s session, I believe there’s a matter of business to attend to."

"Business?"

"The payment, Commander. For last night’s services." He tilted his head. "You did prepare it, didn’t you?"

"Ah! Yes, of course."

Ragnora fumbled in her pocket and produced a leather pouch heavy with coins.

"I calculated everything according to the list." She pressed it into Cassius’s hands. "The hand-holding, the hugs, the horn-polishing, the cooking, the dancing—everything. The correct amount should be in there. You can count it if you’d like."

She said the last part as a formality. After everything they’d shared, surely Cassius would simply accept the pouch and move on.

But to Ragnora’s utter bafflement, he opened the drawstring and began counting the coins.

Ragnora stared at him, a strange ache blooming in her chest.

’He doesn’t trust me.’ She thought. ’Aafter I bared my soul to him, after I let him hold me and touch me—he still doesn’t trust me enough to accept payment without counting every single coin.’

She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. He was a merchant, after all.And business was business, no matter how intimate the services rendered.

She was about to turn away and invite him inside when Cassius looked up from the pouch with a frown.

"There’s not enough."

Ragnora froze. "What?"

"The payment. It’s short. You’re missing some coins."

"That’s impossible." She shook her head firmly. "I counted twice. Three times, actually. I made absolutely certain the amount was correct before you arrived."

"And yet." Cassius held up the pouch. "It’s short."

Ragnora’s brow furrowed. She was many things—insecure, vulnerable, emotionally confused—but she was not careless.

Especially not when it came to matters of obligation.

"Show me the list. We’ll go through it item by item."

She retrieved the crumpled paper from where she’d kept it, almost as though it were a precious document rather than a hastily scribbled menu of romantic services.

"Hand-holding." She read aloud. "One hundred silver. We did that first."

"Correct."

"A simple hug. Two hundred silver."

"Also correct."

"A deeper, more intimate embrace. Two hundred fifty silver."

"Mmhm."

"Horn-polishing. Hair-patting. Compliments." She worked her way down the list, her finger tracing each line. "Cooking together. Feeding each other. The board game. The reading aloud. The stargazing. The dancing."

She reached the bottom of the list.

"Everything is accounted for. I paid exactly what was owed, Cassius. There’s no mistake."

"Ah, but you’re forgetting one crucial item." Cassius tapped the paper with his index finger. "Right here. At the very bottom."

Ragnora squinted at the list. "There’s nothing at the bottom. Those are all the services we—"

"The feeling of having your lover ignore you after a bad fight."

Ragnora’s head snapped up. "What?"

"That’s the missing item. The one you didn’t pay for."

Cassius’s expression was perfectly serious, but his eyes were dancing with mischief.

"You didn’t notice? Today, during the survey. The entire time we were together, I was cold. Distant. Unapproachable. I barely spoke to you except to ask questions about mana fluctuations. I didn’t tease you once. Not a single compliment. Not a single flirtatious remark."

"That was...an act?" Ragnora was taken aback.

"Of course it was an act!" Cassius placed a hand over his heart in mock offense. "Do you really think I, of all people, could stay silent for that long? I’m a chatterbox, Commander. A motormouth. I talk to myself when there’s no one else around just to hear the sound of my own voice."

"The fact that I managed to go an entire day without making a single inappropriate comment about your magnificent physique was nothing short of heroic."

Ragnora was still struggling to process this.

"But...But why? Why would you do that?"

"Because love isn’t just about the good moments." Cassius’s voice softened. "It’s about the difficult ones too. The cold silences. The arguments. The times when your partner is distant and you don’t know why, and your heart aches because you think you’ve done something wrong. That’s part of the experience too, Commander. And if I’d told you in advance, it wouldn’t have felt real."

He spread his hands.

"So I gave you the authentic experience. A full day of your lover being inexplicably cold and distant. And from the look on your face right now, I’d say it worked."

Ragnora was silent for a long moment. Then, very quietly, she said: "It did."

Cassius tilted his head. "Did what?"

"Work." She twisted her fingers together, unable to meet his eyes. "I...I thought you were ignoring me because you didn’t like me. I thought last night was just a transaction for you, and once the payment was settled, you had no reason to...to treat me like..."

She swallowed hard. "I thought you only did those things because I paid you to. And today, when you didn’t pay me any attention at all, I thought it was because you didn’t want to. Because outside of the service, you had no interest in me whatsoever."

Cassius’s playful expression faded. "Ragnora..."

"It was stupid." She laughed, a short, humorless sound. "I knew what our arrangement was. I knew it was just a service. But some foolish part of me hoped that maybe...maybe some small part of it was real. Maybe you actually enjoyed my company. Maybe you actually thought I was..." She trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

"Beautiful?" Cassius supplied quietly.

She flinched. "I was going to say ’worth spending time with.’"

"Ragnora." Cassius stepped closer, close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body. "Look at me."

She did reluctantly like a child expecting to be scolded.

"Every moment of last night was genuine. Every compliment. Every touch. Every whispered word."

His blue eyes held hers with unwavering intensity.

"The service was just an excuse—a framework to help you feel comfortable. But the things I said? The things I did? Those were real. All of them."

"But today—"

"Today was the hardest thing I’ve done since arriving at the Holyfield mines."

He let out a rueful laugh.

"Do you have any idea how difficult it was to ignore you? To not comment on how the crystal light caught your horns? To not tell you that you looked like a goddess of war striding through those caverns? To keep my hands to myself when all I wanted to do was reach out and touch you?"

Ragnora’s heart was pounding so hard she could barely hear her own thoughts.

"I almost broke a dozen times." Cassius continued. "When you carried me between sectors, cradling me in your arms like I weighed nothing, I wanted to tell you that being held by you was the safest I’ve ever felt."

"When you answered all my questions with such patience and knowledge, I wanted to tell you that your intelligence was just as attractive as your strength."

"When you looked at me with those sad golden eyes, clearly wondering why I was being so distant, I wanted to throw the whole act away and pull you into a hug right there."

He reached up and placed his hand gently on her arm.

"But I didn’t. Because I wanted you to have the full experience. The good and the bad. The warmth and the cold. Because that’s what real love feels like, Ragnora. It’s not always easy."

"But even when it’s hard, even when your partner is distant and you don’t understand why—the love is still there. It doesn’t go away."

Ragnora felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.

"So you weren’t...you didn’t..."

"I wasn’t ignoring you because I wanted to. I was ignoring you because it was part of the service."

He smiled gently. "And also because I’m charging extra for it. That level of self-restraint deserves hazard pay."

Despite herself, Ragnora let out a wet, shaky laugh that was half sob. "You’re impossible."

"I prefer ’dedicated to my craft.’"

She fumbled for her coin pouch and pressed a handful of additional silver into his palm.

"Here. For the...the ignoring service. And the self-restraint."

"Much appreciated." Cassius pocketed the coins with a flourish. "Now then. Shall we begin tonight’s session? I believe there are still several items on the list we haven’t covered."