D.E.M.O.N.S: Getting Summoned Weekly isn't so Bad

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Kat couldn’t help but snicker at the thought. *It seems so oddly correct that the human king would just retire to the middle of nowhere and fuck around once he’s done ruling the kingdom. It’s also not that surprising that everything fell apart so quickly in his absence. Not because he was human, but because he was in charge for such a long time. Maybe it’s different in this world, but I bet the humans just don’t know how to deal with something like that.

Elves all have long lives, so their monarch living so long is just part of their culture… but for Ulf? He WAS the culture for a long ass time. Well, perhaps his wife was, but the point remains. The whole system was literally built around him. No wonder nobility was strong. They had what sounds like a relatively competent and hands of leader for thousands of years.

Still, the idea of an old looking man that’s actually even older relaxing in a lawn chair and swatting dinosaurs that try to bother him away like flies is immensely amusing. Though… huh… I don’t think Kress mentioned what Ulf looks like. They just said that farmer looked like him. So does he even look old? If he’s immortal… he could look young or old or anywhere in between. Is it based on when he unlocked the ability?*

These were questions Kat wanted answers… but they were probably silly, and perhaps not ones that Kress had actually thought on. So instead, Kat asked, “So that’s humans and elves… what are the people in charge of the beastmen nation getting up to?”

Kress backed off and Nixilei stepped forward, fixing her glasses to catch the shine over her eyes just right. “Well the beastmen nation has always been the most… loosely connected of all the races. Some theorise this is due to their inherently unique nature, as despite their close relation to each other they are almost like separate races unto themselves. Others postulate that it is their environment that forced their society to evolve this way.

“Regardless, the beastkin work on a… well they call it a tribal system but that’s more due to how the language developed rather than a tribal existence in the way most other races would consider it. Each section of land has a tribe ‘head’ that speaks for the group. They act sort of like kings in their own right, yet they’re treated more like nobles in terms of deference. The beastkin have the greatest amount of land under control, yet it’s not particularly productive land.

“Their society was mostly a nomadic one, though at some point in the distant pass forced them to build sturdy, and warm buildings to winter in. They couldn’t stay there year round, not at the beginning, but it did centralise things a lot more. Many smaller tribes from an area would group up in one tribal hall to stay warm through the coldest moments of the year, then spread out again to forage.

“Anyway, this means that they have a whole bunch of leaders and more rumours then you care to shake a stick at… though… the funniest one that comes to mind? There was an incident just a few years back… I believe it to be five exactly… though without the date of the event, I can’t be certain.

“The head of the wolf tribe, and head of the cat tribe were found in the centre of town, tide to a post and covered in tar and feathers. They were awake and snipping at each other, but neither could get free of the rope they’d been bound in because the tar was enchanted and very sticky. It kept their limbs bound either to each other in the case of their hands, or the ground in the case of their feet. Their backs were also stuck to each other, just to add insult to injury. Tails included,”

Kat let out a hiss she didn’t expect, flame burning in her eyes. Lily pulled her to the side and into a kiss, dazing Kat long enough to lose the menacing atmosphere. “Um… woops… sorry… I just… well… my tail is important and I’d probably murder someone for doing that to me,”

Nixilei nodded, filling that information away mentally into a folder marked ‘important notes’. “It is an understandable sentiment,” said Nixilei. “Many people were expecting to hear of someone getting executed, or at least attacked in retaliation for the event… but nothing. Nobody has spoken up about it. Nobody has admitted to doing it. Melf and Rex, the Wolf and Cat leaders, both refuse to say anything at all about the situation. It’s still gossiped about frequently.

“We might never figure out what happened there. Even with a spy network, we just don’t know. Too many rumours. Some say they did it to each other. Some say it was the turtle tribe’s leader. Some say it was a plot by the dwarves, others say that Auctifer did it after getting drunk, others say they pissed off Ulf somehow and he tarred them, tied them up, and then threw them into that town all in five seconds. It’s pretty much impossible to prove now…

“Unless someone like Thyme with time affinity goes back to the spot and uses a spell to view the past. Then they could probably find something out, but they’d have to be pretty strong and well… I have a feeling Thyme isn’t going to bother,”

The group all looked over to the spot Thyme had disappeared from, half expecting them to make a comment one way or the other, the bait was pretty good… but no catch it seemed. Nixilei gave it a few more seconds before deciding Thyme wasn’t showing up and continued, “That’s got to be the most interesting story. All the other beastkin ones are just… less interesting. The Turtle leader always falling asleep in meetings. That time the horse leader got caught being thrown out of a brothel naked, stuff like that,”

Kat nodded, “Well who’s up next then?”

Nixilei answered “Dwarves,” before Kress could say fae. Nixilei was hoping to save her own race for last to make it seem less crazy in comparison. She wasn’t sure it was any more or less crazy, but it she might as well hold off. Plus, in a truly blessed timeline, Thyme would announce the start of the next round, letting her avoid the topic altogether.

So Nixilei continued, “Now, I won’t be telling the story of any of the dwarven Kings or Queens that got drunk and did something stupid. If I started, we’d be here for months, not minutes. It’s a common occurrence… but it does give some interesting context to the current dwarven Queen. Her name is Oditr Forgeheart and she doesn’t drink alcohol at all.”

Lily looked shocked but Kat just raised an eyebrow, confused look on her face. “That’s it?” asked the demon.

Nixilei rolled her eyes, “This has literally never happened before in known dwarven history. Dwarves are immensely proud of their various ale and spirits. The idea that their royalty doesn’t partake at all is a BIG deal. Now, granted, it hasn’t always been a great idea for the past royals, but it’s still a massive upheaval. It’d be almost as bad as the human king Ulf revealing he was a woman this entire time. Theoretically it shouldn’t be different… but it IS.

“There are all sorts of rumours as to why, some say she’s allergic. Others say she had a terrible event occur to her while drunk… but it’s actually a bit of an open secret for people that investigated the matter seriously. The rumours can be funny, and Oditr seems to encourage them… 𝚍ｏ𝚟𝚕.ｏｒｇ

“But the truth is she just hates the taste. Oditr seems to have developed unique tastebuds that let her identify alcohol in drinks… and apparently it tastes extremely foul to her. The first sip of ale she had, she spat out. Her parents beat her for it, because she was wasting expensive ale, but when they found out why… nobody really knew what to do.

“It’s one of the reasons her condition is semi-common knowledge. Her parents tried to find a drink she DID enjoy. They hired a grand number of brewers for an ale contest, starting a new dwarven festival in the process. They even swallowed their pride and sought out foreign alcohol to try and find ANYTHING that Oditr could stomach… but no luck. Elven wines, human vodka, dryad whiskey, fae sake, nothing worked.

“Then. A man presented his drink for the then princess to try. She declared that while not great, it was much better then any served before her… and the man revealed that it was just grape juice. Not even particularly high quality grape juice. The man in question just… made some grape juice from the leftovers of his harvest and gave it to the princess on a whim after seeing everything else get rejected.

“The King and Queen didn’t really know how to deal with that result. The man had just admitted to giving the princess poor quality grape juice… but he had also been the first person in over a decade to provide a drink the princess finished… yet once again, this was a brewing contest, and alcohol was a requirement. In the end, the matter was solved when the brewer declared the King and Queen share his winnings with a local orphanage. So the matter was resolved. Mostly,” finished Nixilei.