Cthulhu Gonfalon

Chapter 980: The Exchange (Part 2)

“Well… where should I begin the story? Let’s start from when I was still a mere general. I was an extremely impressive general. I fought many battles and almost never lost. Although I killed many, many people and many were fearful of me, I knew that they admired me at the same time and felt that I was extremely capable. Well, I was of the same impression, of course.”

“Yes, that’s rather impressive indeed,” Sui Xiong replied earnestly.

“However, it was only afterward that I realized it was all for naught. All my hard work, all my effort, the work I put in, the wounds I sustained, the support by my troops, the admiration of my peers, the trust of the king… it was all worth nothing! Towards enemies with an overwhelming advantage, I was still equally helpless and unable to fend them off. If it wasn’t for the fact that I ran off extremely quickly, I might even be dead by now.” The God of Light sighed deeply, and the evil expression on his face softened slightly. “While running away solo, I was chased by a large group of enemy soldiers. At that point, what I felt most was not fear or anxiety but rather… emptiness.

“I felt empty, empty to the core. I realized that all I had was a lie and that I could rely on none of my accomplishments. All I could rely on was myself and the sword I held on to!”

“Do you think the sword came out of thin air?” Sui Xiong laughed coldly. “When the raw materials and iron ore reach the smelting masters, they use fire to shape the metal. Next, the blacksmiths are the ones who turn the metal into weapons, or perhaps mages would be present to embed magic into these weapons. Without them, would you even have a sword?”

The God of Light smiled slightly and did not retaliate or quarrel further on this point.

They both felt that eventually, they would have a large battle and distinguish who lived and who died. Both of them were equally aware of this. However, at this very moment, they were simply two souls having a peaceful and quiet chat. If so, there was simply no need to argue. Both sides simply spoke their minds, and this directness was a good thing. This was especially so for the God of Light.

The more the God of Light shared, the more at peace he felt.

Afterwards, the God of Light continued his narration. He shared his life, his dreams, and the events that he had gone through. All in all, through it all, his stories all led back to a singular idea: emptiness.

“Everything in this world has an expiry date. After death, one will follow the Big Circulation’s flow and reappear or resurrect in a new way, allowing one to re-experience a new cycle… This is an endless cycle that will never cease.” The God of Light’s expression was dreamy yet absolute. “Since we live in a world with such a cycle, be it love or hate, be it victory or loss, absolutely nothing can go against the power of time. Everything comes and goes with the Big Circulation’s ebb and flow, and whatever is destined to end will eventually disappear without a trace. This Big Circulation will never, ever stop… In such a world, in such a cycle, isn’t all that I accomplished and experienced back then simply shallow and meaningless?”

Sui Xiong did not speak. As an artist, he, of course, was all too familiar with this feeling of emptiness.

He thus said, “Feeling empty and shallow is perfectly natural. However, we are gods that go against time and never, ever die. As Transcenders, we have no need to feel empty.”

“Transcenders? Even as we are gods and are effectively immortal, it does not mean we have truly transcended the Big Circulation. From the past till now, how many gods have fallen? Have they truly lived up to the virtue of immortality? Even if we speak about the gods who have lived from the past till now, even gods older than the Big Circulation, they are simply lingering souls biding their time!” the God of Light retorted in frustration. “Perhaps they are anxiously isolated in their own world or hidden in places where no one can find them. Perhaps they are slaves to the Big Circulation and are constantly working hard to ensure the continuity of the Big Circulation. Are these instances not shallow? I simply cannot understand the value of living such lives.”

Sui Xiong could not help but rebut, “In that case, for someone like me who has pioneered much progress and corrected much wrong, for someone like me who has set up rules and built up a more beautiful new generation… Do I have no value to you, too?”

“Your thinking is extremely similar to the younger me of the past. Since I could not find value in myself, I depended on others to affirm myself of my worth,” the God of Light said. “A long while after I officially became a god, I was obsessed with such a life. I led the humans to glory and was almost unstoppable in terms of victories and success. Eventually, I developed the humans until we became the strongest race in this world. In the humans’ joy, I found my own happiness. In everyone’s faith and admiration, I re-affirmed myself of my worth to prevent myself from feeling empty.”

Sui Xiong nodded. “During that period of time, you really did well. Even I have to say that I admired you then.”

The God of Light’s face slightly lit up with a somewhat warm smile, but it was dropped quickly. “However, emptiness can never be filled up for long. This feeling of being insignificant and worthless always comes back to bother and plague me.”

Sui Xiong glanced at that slight demonstration of humanity by the God of Light and sighed to himself. The God of Light was, without a doubt, an outstanding role model. He had been able to conquer and win over several types of enemies. Alas, in the end, he still could not win over the demons in his own heart and mind. This was perhaps the idea that fighting physical enemies was easy, but fighting one’s inner demons was tough, that was always featured in folk stories back on Earth.

However, on the other hand, the God of Light’s every effort and step taken to better himself were simply attempts to fill the emptiness in his heart. If these inner demons had not been present, he probably would not have achieved the success he had today and probably would not have reached the status that he was at now.

The line between success and failure, between good and bad, was truly hard to determine here.

With a big sigh, the God of Light continued to speak. “I spoke to my mentor about my inner demons before, and he shared that he was unable to understand my pain. However, he was of the opinion that I was burdened by this emptiness due to my low status. He felt that I was too weak, lacked foresight, and was unable to see into the future. By right, being a Divine Power would probably be enough to mitigate that issue. However, I discovered that there were ranks higher than the Divine Power Realm.”

“This is why we started studying great Divine Powers and how one could cross to such a realm.”

Sui Xiong nodded lightly. Many Divine Powers actively researched how they could progress to the great Divine Power Realm. All of them had differing reasons, but the idea of wanting to have clearer foresight into the future was a rather common one.

This did not concern good and evil. Wanting to be better and stronger was something innate in everyone’s nature.

“We considered many paths and did many experiments. Eventually, my mentor reckoned that no matter how strong a Divine Power was, they could not just suddenly cross over to become a great Divine Power. The nature of both realms was extremely different. If one wanted to suddenly change realms, the most reliable method would be to adjust one’s nature and allow it to improve. To do such a thing, one had to first identify their own nature. In doing so, all other distractions would have to be removed, and their nature would have to be carved out till its core was revealed. That would be how one could truly find oneself.”

Sui Xiong blinked as he thought about how Morani had shown him the scene of the God of Knight’s downfall. At that time, his priesthood had continually depleted until even the core of it had disappeared. However, in contrast, his power continually increased until it was strong beyond one’s imagination.

“My mentor decided to try out this path by himself. However, his trial failed.” The God of Light sighed deeply. “Even though he was strong enough to single-handedly defeat several Divine Powers, his nature was still not strong enough to pull him through such an experiment. However, from his final moments of light, I felt that the path he tried was the right one. It is just that he was not strong enough to completely walk down the path and finish it.”

Sui Xiong froze, and he suddenly understood what the God of Light meant, which made him feel rather despondent. Previously, when he had become a great Divine Power, he had still been confused as to the God of Knight’s situation in the past. Up till now, beyond nature and rules, he finally understood what had truly happened.

What the God of Knight was finding was not the path from Divine Power to great Divine Power but rather, from great Divine Power to Transcender.

“My teacher was truly remarkable. When he was merely a Divine Power, he was already on his way to discovering the secret to becoming a Transcender.” As a Transcender himself, the God of Light of course understood the truth behind the God of Knight’s final move, and an expression of admiration appeared on his face. “Although he was always biased towards his youngest student, this did not affect his level of intelligence.”

“Are you talking about my big brother? The God of Knight did not even share his true identity with him. How is that a bias? That old man passed on the title of being the Human God System’s Master God to you and even used his life to experiment on the path you were searching for. Does that still not satisfy you?” Sui Xiong furrowed his brows and could not help but chide the God of Light.

“You can’t possibly understand. To our teacher, if you truly cared about someone, you would not disturb him nor affect him. You would let him be free to explore and grow, and only reach out a helping hand when he was in trouble… That was how he treated Yorgaardman. As for me, I was just a successor who was useful for when he sustained serious damages while fighting with the ancient Orcs, a worker who could take over his job. That is all!”

Sui Xiong shook his head as he was truly unable to understand the God of Light’s train of thought. He began to slightly suspect that the God of Light, Wuther Rang, was going a bit mental.