Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Before I could even attempt to do to Quinn what Cass attempted to do to me, every meat-eating student who heard Quinn’s little slip looked like deadheads who were trying to bust through the glass partition while every carnivorous alumni in our section either had their stomachs grumble or mouths water from the possibility of meat touching their lips again.

“Uh-oh.”

“She… She said steak, right?”

“S-Strip steaks…”

“With g-gravy and mash, perhaps?”

“W-We have gravy and m-mash here though—”

“Not with strip steaks…”

“A-And some fried chicken…”

“Yeah…”

“Steak…”

“And chicken…”

In a matter of seconds, the line that was supposed to be for the cafeteria’s food section broke off as they crowded over to us looking like deranged pitbulls that never had their rabies shot.

Even Quinn’s intimidating presence was nothing to the chance to eat something with flavor so I had to bust out my signature move and clear out the area.

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

These poor students who had never had a life-or-death experience had no fucking way of resisting a fifth of the murderous intent I sent over to them, and the ones closest either lost feeling in their legs or looked like they were about to pass out.

I said loud enough the moment the pressure subsided, “We’re just trying to have lunch here, would you guys please give us some privacy? Besides, the university doesn’t allow the consumption of meat whatsoever, right? Do you all want to get in trouble—”

I wasn’t even able to finish my sentence before realization struck for them, but I definitely came out with some ammunition—meat—to use in case I wanted a favor of some sort.

They all looked disappointed when they went back to their seats or fell back into the line, but a few persistent bastards wanted to strike a deal with me.

One of them sat opposite me and facing away as he shoot his shot, “Yo, I’ve got something you might be interested in if you’re willing to trade in uh… some real protein, you know what I mean?”

“Uh-huh. Not interested—”𝑂𝐕𝑙xt.𝗇𝓔t

“C’mon, man~ Just give a brother some love here— You know what? How about a freebie?”

To my amusement, he faced me and motioned for a handshake where he had a small, rolled-up blunt that looked nice and tidy. The way he looked at me told me that he thought he piqued my interest but weed was something I’d avoid at all costs at the moment because the last time I accidentally took some, Kaley put a finger up my— somewhere where the sun doesn’t shine.

But to my fucking surprise, Jesus—of all people—chortled as he pulled out a blunt that could be used as a blunt weapon because it was big as a baby’s arm and one hit from that was enough to make even Snoop Dogg a little high.

In any case, his little blunt was all he could offer so the next one in line tried to offer something that the previous one couldn’t offer, herself.

From a quick glance, she looked like the typical sorority girl that tasted the whole football team but in this fucking place, we didn’t have sororities—well, I mean the ones recognized by the school and had their own house—or a football team, or any sports team for that matter. Well, we still do have PE class and whatnot but our school doesn’t compete in sports competitions outside our school and it was, well… sad.

And Kaley, Tatiana, and Quinn shut her down before she embarrassed herself even more.

But yeah, the last one showed a lot of promise.

The last guy was hiding a smirk as he looked me in the eye, “Wazzzzaap~”

“…” I kept quiet as I tried my best not to respond and reveal how old I was.

He chuckled, “No? Alright~ Yeah, sure. Anyway, what those dumbasses offered could easily be procured outside so I’ll offer something you probably don’t have at the moment.”

“And what is that exactly?”

“I have some insider info, ya dig?”

“Oh?”

“I know everybody inside, I know their roles, their schedules, their secrets, their everything, and whatnot. I can also give you a place to lay your heads on—is this all of you?”

“Yep.”

He nodded with a smile, “I can handle that, sure. And yeah, if you need to know everything about this place, I’m your guy.”

As this was happening, I was side-eyeing Cass who never looked so confused but I continued my dealings with Dealer #3.

“Oh? That’s wonderful, actually. I do need one particular piece of information right now.”

“Uh-huh. What’s that?”

“There’s this regular ol’ house by this water tank way~ past the greenhouse and the halfcourt where the—”

“Oh! The one close by this other house that had avocados year-round? The one with this very, very~ handsome caretaker that had a huge, huge~ cock. Much, much bigger than the actual owner of the house? That one?”

I almost burst out laughing as I looked him in the eye, “Sure, that one. Yeah.”

“Don’t laugh! C’mon, everyone’s been talking about his ginormous penis and—”

I finally broke, “Cut it out, dude. Andy called you, huh?”

He started cackling as he motioned for a bro-hug, “Hehehe~ What’s up, dude—”

Right as he thought I’d give him a hug—which I actually did, the guy was still smiling brightly before I lifted him up in the air and slammed him on the table we were sitting on. That definitely took the air out of him but the look on his face when he saw me about to bodyslam his ass was fucking priceless.

The scene that had gone quite quiet started kicking it up again as several of the onlookers thought the last dealer picked a fight with me and was paying for it.

Well, there was a truth to that statement, to say the least, but everyone else in my group was also confused as hell as to what was going on.

The guy was tapping on my arm incessantly as I was trying to choke him out, “Dude— DUDE! YOU KNOW IT’S ME, RIGHT?! IT’S A-ME, BEN—”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Then— DUDE! What the f-fuck— GCK!”

I lessened my hold on his neck, “It’s been a year, fucking asshole!”

“Asshole?! What did I—”

“You let Ken go by himself?! Prick!”

“Ken— H-He arrived and he’s s-safe, right?!”

“Of course, he’s safe! Why didn’t you contact me?! Huh?! I thought you were fucking dead!”

“Fucking— You know the Internet got cut out—”

“Internet?! Bro— I left you a fucking HAM Radio and—”

“Ah… I… I sold that…”

“WHAT?! TO WHO?!”

“I dunno! S-Some hippies or whatever you may call them! They bought it for $200, bro! It’s a steal!”

“A steal for them! That’s $500, you fucking dumbass!”

“Huh. You know… money’s pretty much worthless now, if you ask me— GCKK! CHK! BRO! DUDE! BRO! I GIVE! I—”

With that said, a crowd had once again formed around us—but with a larger diameter—but I actually choked one of my good friends here, Benedict “Ben” Romualdez who looked like a budget Jessie Pinkman, before I carried him like a sack of potatoes and threw him at the back of my Raptor.

And by the way, we still haven’t had our lunch in the cafeteria—and I don’t think that we ever will, after that—so we went back to our vehicles and drove much, much further into the residential areas of this campus where I had a house built.

As I said before, it was a regular two-story house with a white picket fence, six bedrooms, a living room, a dining area, a kitchen, two bathrooms, a storage area, a basement, and a small backyard that had a garden and a little shed with a few tools in it.

It was one of the places that would get picked clean in the first few weeks of the zombie apocalypse or a simple starter house a basic character would wake up in.

In any case, Ben kept flipping me off from the truckbed—the whole way through—but I kept brake-checking him and trying to make him fall off as I aimed for the potholes and stepped on the gas when we were about to roll over a speed bump. Doing that definitely pissed off everyone who was riding with me but I had a lot of anger and frustrations I had to make him feel with his body.

But in all honesty, I was relieved that he was still alive but I got another shock of my life when he gave Cass a warm hug and a 5-Mississipi kiss as he saw her exit the station wagon.

‘Ohhh~ That’s why… Whaddayouknow?’

I was this close to doing the FBI joke but he stared me down before he fished out the keys to the house from his large jacket.

I asked as he finally opened the door, “Who else lives here?”

“Me, Cass, Andy, Ron, Allyssa, and Mimi—”

I turned to Cass, “Uh-huh. You could’ve made things easier, you know?”

Cass chuckled as she gave me a cheeky smile, “What? I said I know where she works, you could’ve asked where she lived—”

“And you’re living in MY house. Perfect.”

“Hey! We kept it clean, you know? I just didn’t think you were the actual guy. You look totally different from the pictures.”

“Sure~ But Mimi, where is she though?”

Ben answered, “Right, you guys drove past her.”

“What?!”

“I mean. Dude, she’s a nurse now and she’s working for that MILF in the emergency room. What’s her name again? Cass, you know, right? Cass?”

At that moment, Cass was shaking her head with an amused expression but the moment she glanced at Lopez and then turned to me, I discovered that the phrase, “It’s a small world, after all.” made a lot of fucking sense.

“Doctor Sandara Lopez, it’s his— Lopez’s wife.”