Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Chapter 591

The garbage truck we had was eventually filled to the brim and they left with three soldiers riding it. Their destination was the graveyards we cleared before so that they could have a larger space to burn them and so that they wouldn't have to wash off their carbon residue if they just burned them on the streets.

We took down more stragglers while they were away but Jared was flying his drone inside the squatter areas once more. He was trying to somehow locate or pinpoint the ferals that escaped since one or two of those f.u.c.kers could do enough damage in the right place at the right time.

With that said, a few of the soldiers with us have taken the time to search under the drainage gutters for the remains of their fallen comrade and the feral that did it. All they found was just his tattered uniform with the rest of his broken equipment, and his dog tag missing a third of it due to the explosion.

Marlo's remains seemed to have extra appendages present but we concluded it was the remains of the feral that pulled him down.

Oscar was looking down at the drainage gutters with a frown, “Hmm…”

I grabbed his attention, “What are you thinking about, old man?”

“I'm not sure about this but the broken pipes Harold mentioned might be caused by the ferals or whatever undead residing in these gutters…”

I scratched my head, “That could be true but don't forget that the people in charge of making them before didn't use the toughest of materials or did the greatest of jobs so that they could receive funding for fixing them over and over.”

“I get ya but making sure our own pipeline is left untouched is the priority. Either that or we start digging a new hole to place something ten times tougher. Remember kid, all it takes is one drop of their bodily fluids to contaminate our water supply. I'm not being paranoid like you, I'm just stating the facts.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I understand. With that said, we could also work on our water storage, water filters, and our rain collectors. There are more ways to procure safe water than just relying on the dam that sends them for free.”

“True, true. Are we gonna stay here or are we gonna move someplace else? We have a few more hours before sunset, right?”

I shook my head, “Don't forget about the trip back, alright? Unless you want to camp someplace unknown, be my guest.”

“Hah! Do you think I can't do it? You're underestimating me too much, kid!”

“Ha~? I'm thinking about you, you old fool. Tell me, have you gotten rid of the fact you can't shit unless it's your own toilet? Hmm? Or did you forget about that?”

“Ah… right… Oh! Wait! Kid! I believe I know something you didn't know yet! Have I taught you the One Paper Toilet Technique?”

“Haa~? What the f.u.c.k is that now?”

Oscar was flabbergasted, “WHAT?! I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?! KID! THAT F.U.C.K.I.N.G TECHNIQUE IS REVOLUTIONARY! JUST IMAGINE HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER WE COULD SAVE!”

I shook my head even more, “Old man, I use water and soap to clean my a.s.s. Not some stupid-ass paper that would definitely leave some… remnants. If you want to have shit staining your u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r… you do you. For me, it's either that or some wet wipes for emergencies. Aren't you using the bidet I installed at your place?”

“KID! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO GATHER ALL OF THE KNOWLEDGE IN THE WORLD! AS IF YOU'D HAVE ACCESS TO SOME F.U.C.K.I.N.G SOAP AND WATER ALL THE TIME! HEAR ME OUT! IT'S RE-VO-LU-TIO-NA-RY! I TELL YA!”

They got too curious and they both asked, “Wh- What is it then?”

Oscar's eyes lit up as he pulled out a piece of paper, “Ah! Gather around! Gather around! Listen up! The One Paper Toilet Technique is very simple! All you do is fold it in half… like this…”

Bogdan and Stefan followed, “And?”

“You fold it once more to form a proper square…”

“And then?”

“You're gonna fold it again but this time, you're gonna make this corner pointy by folding it diagonally…”

“Umm… okay… then what?”

“One more time and you would have something like this!”

“Uhh~ then… is it-”

“No! It's not done yet! What you have to do next is to rip off the pointy thingy like this~ and keep it for later!”

“Later?”

“Yeah! You'll see! You'll see!”

The two were too focused on following Oscar's instructions but I was the only one that caught the old man's hidden grin. With that said, Kaley, Tatiana, and the others grew curious as well and they watched what the commotion was about.

Oscar continued, “Imagine~ You're in a place such as this and you don't have f.u.c.k.i.n.g toilet paper or some f.u.c.k.i.n.g soap and water… This is the only thing that you'd need! Behold!”

Oscar raised the piece of paper that he folded with the ripped end but he suddenly unfolded it in front of everyone, showing a single hole in the middle. Everyone was still getting duped and I was the only one shaking my head.

Bogdan asked, “And what's that hole for?”

Oscar waved him off, “You sweet summer child, you got to shit first! Okay! Let's just say you shat out a f.u.c.k.i.n.g anaconda of a shit and you had nothing to wipe yourself! You see, I myself use five to six squares but this is the solution! Once you're done, you slip your finger in this hole and just scr.a.p.e up the remnants with your finge-”

'Ah, I f.u.c.k.i.n.g remember now…'

Everyone g.r.o.a.n.e.d in disgust, “EWW~ WHAT THE F.U.C.K?!”

“THAT'S DISGUSTING!”

“I'D RATHER SCRATCH MY A.S.S AGAINST A CURB!”

“Guys, that actually sounds like a great ide-”

“You too?! BLEECH!!!”

“WON'T EVERYTHING JUST STICK TO YOUR FINGER?!”

It got too chaotic while a few started dying laughing, but Oscar waved them off.

“GUYS! GUYS! LISTEN TO ME! I'M NOT DONE! I'M NOT DONE! I KNOW SOME SHIT WOULD STICK TO YOUR FINGER BUT THAT'S WHERE THIS POINTY END WORKS ITS MAGIC! YOU FINALLY PULL IT OUT WITH YOUR OTHER HAND AND YOU USE IT TO SCR.A.P.E EVERY-”

I wasn't sure how it happened but every single one of my team and the soldiers present just ganged up on Oscar and started beating the living shit out of him. They weren't hitting him at full force but it was enough to leave the imprint of their shoes on his clothes.

“Wai- Ack! YOU MOTHERF.U.C.KERS! OW! What the heck?! I'm old and- Ow! HAHAHAHA!!! GOTCHA, YOU MOTHERF.U.C.KERS!”

In the end, we just spend the rest of our allotted time watching out for the dead but the ferals that escaped were never found. I even joined the search with my own drone and I flew it much lower than I did earlier. I even found ways to get inside small vents to gain access to locked rooms but we never found traces of them. We met up with Jose's group eventually and we just found out that they would just continue their work tomorrow morning.

“F.u.c.k.i.n.g worth it, right kid? HAHAHAHA!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THEY LISTENED TO THAT SHIT! OW! OW! Ow… My back hurts… I think I threw my back from laughing too much…”

I almost snorted, “You motherf.u.c.ker, I was the one supposed to troll everyone. I can't believe you plagiarized that shit from me!”

Kaley interjected, “What? That's actually from you? Ew…”

“Heh. Humor comes in all forms! My dad told me that joke from way back. It's really stupid but it's funny to get genuine reactions from everybody. But yeah, it took off the edge from Marlo dying. Some of them looked rough as they threw what was left of his corpse on the garbage truck but I'm sure they'd keep his belongings safe.”

Oscar sat upright properly, “Way to kill the mood again, kid~ Just as everybody starts to forget about it, you keep bringing it up!”

“Heh, that's the thing. I never forget, remember?”

“Hmph. Just drive, you little shit. I'm just doing what you're doing when it gets too emotional!”

“Heh. Sure, sure. Well, it's fine to be sad sometimes…”

We drove back the rest of the way safely and we picked up Chris and Charlotte from the port. They were seriously tanned and burnt from spending too much time boating by themselves but they actually managed to snag a tub of fish from the soldiers. It was because they taught them a lot more about growing vegetables and Morales decided it was normal to exchange it with something of value.

Oscar waved the two over, “You two, have you heard about the One Paper Toilet Tech- Ow! Kid?!”

“You told it to everybody too much! Give it a month before telling it or else it would get stale!”

“But they never heard it yet!”

“Read the room! It'll be awkward!”

It took us a while to get home and it was already a few minutes past sunset. Almost everyone was already at the compound but Rin immediately pulled Kaley and me aside to talk in private.

Kaley asked, “What's wrong?”

Rin replied, “It's Cynthia… I really don't know why but she's just in her room and hasn't come out since. I tried talking to her but she just wants to be left alone…”

I asked, “Is she crying or something? Do you know what happened before that?”

Rin shook her head, “She's not crying as far as I know but she doesn't even wanna hang out with Micah's girls when they tried to come to talk to her. She would always follow them but this time… it seemed like she's avoiding them? I'm really not sure… I wanted to call for Mrs. Marisha but she's still busy at the hospital…”

I nodded a few times, “Okay, we'll try to talk to her.”

'Did something happen here or… back home?'