Classless Ascension

****(POV)

"OMG, this is crazy as fuck! Send help! We need people here!"

Cries of distress could be heard. Some poor Climber was trying his best to get the situation under control.

Civilians could be seen trashing everything to the best of their capabilities. They were akin to rabid monkeys. The drugs made them go completely crazy. 

That one guy was especially struggling, trying to restrain a man without hurting him. Both were near the entrance of a grocery store: 'We Sell Food'. The incensed party was flailing his limbs in all directions while grunting and even trying to bite him.

But that's when appeared a group of saviors— self-proclaimed ones at least. All of them were young men that seemed extremely energetic, even skipping over. AI-driven cameras were hovering at their side, apparently recording. 

"Fear not for we are here!" One man wearing a bright yellow outfit declared loudly. 

"Bro, you gotta be specific. We have to give out our identity to reassure them. Ahem! FEAR NOT FOR WE—" but the young man was quickly slapped in the back of his head. SMACK! His blue bandanna that matched with his bright blue outfit vibrated from the force. 

"Why are you shouting so obnoxiously for?! You can do it like this! See?! Anyway, Impish's Crew is here to save the day! Do not worry, for knocking people unconscious is our specialty!" The yellow youth bragged. 

"Why you gotta say it like that?! We are entertainers, not some kidnappers. Please don't give us such a bad rep. Don't be a DYLAN!" cried out the man in blue. 

"Fuck that guy!" (x2) the two of them uttered in sync. 

"PLEASE do something!" The poor guy shouted, exasperated. 

"Fine, fine! We'll take care of this guy. Now, to all our viewers, this is how you take care of a jun— actually, doesn't this guy look a bit like a zombie?" The man in yellow said.

"Kinda?" His partner replied. 

"Do something!!" exasperation became desperation. 

"Alright, alright! First, you want to take a non-lethal stun gun and—" But he couldn't finish his sentence as a man came flying toward the target, rope in hand. In a second, he had the target tied up in a bondage knot. 

"This is how we fucking do it at reality C, baby! Hell yeah! Ah, this brings back memories. It was last Thursday, and we had one of our participants shoot herself with way too much—" The newcomer had a huge C on the back of his red and blue shirt. 

"Hey! We were here way before! See the cameras? We totally got this! Don't be a DYLAN." 

"Fuck that guy!" (x3). They chuckled as they all glanced at each other. They were all in the entertainment industry. They all knew that one 'character'. 

"Thank you so much! Now we need to escort him to the nearby shelter and—"

"You do that. I'll go inside to save the others. How poetic is that? I will be saving them from themselves" the reality C guy deeply sighed while showing his best side profile to the camera. 

"No way. We'll save them first. We outnumber you, and we're in a C-ranked guild, unlike your D-Ranked guild." Scoffed blue outfit. 

"Wow, don't look down on the D! I'm a director at Reality-C! You think I care about a few measly Floors?" 

"Ah, I'm sure your wife would appreciate it if you went a few 'Floors' deeper." Yellowjacket exaggeratedly sighed while rolling his eyes. 

"Reality-C being a D guild. Was the irony voluntary?" Bluejacket innocently inquired. 

"Screw you jackasses!" The reality show director dashed forward. They giggled before following closely. 

"Let's see who can catch the most of them. Let the game begins!" Yellowjacket shouted. 

This quickly became a ridiculous endeavor. Inside there were about a dozen rampaging people. Needless to say, they were quickly apprehended and handled. The way they did it showed how much they enjoyed this. 

They were brightly smiling at the camera, using diverse props, and even making a show out of it. All three of them were really here for stream footage, so while they did help…it could have been way more efficient. 

The final count was five angry dudes neutralized by the solo man and eight by the pair. But when they met back up to compared results, the director couldn't help but admit defeat. Their showmanship was on point! He could only sigh: 

"As expected of some of the best pranksters. That cucumber neutralization was especially impressive. Gross, but impressive. I mean, a cucumber really shouldn't go there." He grimaced as he said it. 

"Yes, guess we get people to bring them somewhere safe now or something?" Bluejacket proposed. 

That's when the front door opened. A man slowly walked in. He wore a cheap flashy red suit. He slowly wandered the aisles before finally grabbing a few chocolate bars, cigarettes, and a few beers. 

"Psst. That's Kool reporter. What is he doing here?" Yellow shirt whispered, in fangirl mode. 

"Bro, you know we literally are way more popular than his news show, right? Then again, it's true that somehow it's impressive how he hasn't been fired from his job." Blue Jacket replied. 

"Hey, show a little respect, don't be a DYLAN." The reality-C guy chastised. 

"Fuck that guy!" (x4) That's when Kool turned toward them. 

"I'm surprised to see you idiots here. I'd expect you all to be somewhere with more actual action. You know, like the residential D district." He was leaving the store peacefully. 

"Oh shit! We ought to do that instead! I can't believe we've been so dumb. The producers are going to chew us out. Fuck!" Yellow shirt screamed. 

They all ran outside like small kids that feared getting a spanking, the cameras still filming. They began sprinting toward their new destination. 

"We could also head to the fallen Arcadia…." Yellow shirt began. 

"Hell no!" (X2). The other two objected instantly. 

"That's how you get mixed up in a criminal investigation. Then all your footage becomes evidence, and you can't use it! I also really dislike that shadow guy." 

It really didn't make much sense. That's why they would stick to stuff like citizens going out of control. They had official permission from the MTA to participate after all. But that's when it happened. 

BOOM! 

BOOM!

BOOM!

Motherfucking explosions again! 

They all shared a look. FUCK! What the Hell was that?! They had gone far away from Arcadia! Was this another terrorist attack?! That's when they turned their eyes toward the source. 

Many Climbers were rushing inside a luxurious-looking building. It had glass on the exterior with a holographic serpent that was flickering, about to disappear. Smoke was coming from the inside, a huge pang of the wall was missing and in its place was a fire.

The bombs had gone off right there. The repulsive odor of burnt flesh attacked their senses. There had been security guards where the bomb had went out. In fact, there were many paralyzed on the sides too. Useless U-bots completed the picture. 

"Fuck. Now our footage will definitely be seized for investigation." Yellowjacket murmured, mouth open in shock. 

"Shh, time to back away. I'm not fighting these guys. No way!" Blue outfit replied. 

The three quickly backed off until they were a few blocks away. They plopped on the ground, sighing in relief. 

"We fucking survived! I thought they'd follow to silence us!" The director was thanking his lucky star. 

"Hey, you know what to do now, right?" Yellowjacket asked. 

They all nodded at once, firmly. That's when they sent the cameras in manually controlled drone mode. Slowly, they brought them back to the scene of the crime. One shouldn't underestimate their piloting abilities! 

The rough Climbers were happily pillaging Ouroboros. One would have expected the security to be tighter, but it wasn't. In a time of peace, there were only so many troops that they could realistically hire. 

Any more, and it would have looked like they were creating their own private army. This would have gained opposition from many parties. In regular circumstances, their defenses were impenetrable because they just had to stall enough time for reinforcements. 

They recorded some snippet of conversations— well, the little they could without being noticed. 

"This is the start of a new golden age for pirates." One was excited. 

"♪ Rich, rich, rich. We're going to be rich! ♪" One was believing himself a bard. 

"Praise be Metropolis-H! Without them, none of this would have been possible." One was grateful. 

"Mom, I told you I'd accomplish something in my life. We robbed Ouroboros! You would be so proud right now, I'm sure." One was crying emotionally. 

"Focus! We need to be out ASAP!" One screamed urgently. 

As if on cue, Climbers from Ouroboros began appearing down the street. They were fully armed and ready to fight. Normally they would have been warned by the U-bots, but there was too much shit going on. 

The 20 of them entered the shop while screaming in anger. This was the very blood of their guild, after all. Why wasn't there anyone else?! That's when the idiot trio remembered that they had forgotten to call anyone to help. 

Fighting the 100 or so enemies armed with a blaster each was madness!… Or not. The Rankers began throwing tons of spells inside. Before long, there was not a single movement inside the building. 

The Ouroboros shop could now be seen about to fall into pieces. Its shape reminded them of an apocalyptic movie wreckage prop. They had defeated all the enemies in only 15 minutes, but at what cost?!

The trio of idiots could only watch, obsessed with the scene of death they were seeing. All their cameras except the few that had been outside the building had been destroyed. Even those were now going in sleep mode from the shock waves. 

"That was crazy!" (x3). They all looked at each other stunned. 

"Oh my god. These guys were pirates, right?!" Yellowjacket exclaimed! 

"Yes, pretty sure they were. But they said something about Metropolis-H." Bluejacket replied. 

"Oh no! Does that mean there will be a war?! This would be horrible!" Yellowjacket seemed to be doing the math on how this would impact their streaming activities. He sucked at it, but even he realized it was bad. 

"I don't know, we can only hope not." The Reality-C director sighed. 

They could be seen pensively thinking about the future. That's when they all jumped out as a voice interrupted their reflection. It was a man good-looking man wearing light blue glasses and a spotless white lab coat. 

"Hello, I'm the doctor, and I'm searching for my friend that is very sick. Can you help me look for him? Here is a picture of him."

It was a young man that looked relatively ordinary. They raised their eyes as they tried recalling if they had ever met him. They were all pranksters, but they would obviously help the nice man! 

"I think I did...Yes! He appeared on Kool's program once, I'm sure of it! He's the insane Floor 6 guy, right?" Yellowjacket exclaimed.

He couldn't help but get excited. After all the shit that happened that day, it wouldn't hurt to generate a bit of good karma. 

"He's called Josh. Josh Malum"…