Chosen by Fate, Rejected by the Alpha

~~

Shawn

~~

  Why did Dietrich have to agree with Shane? Ok, he didn't say that I was the empress, like Shane did, but he did say that I was going to have authority over all of the vampires like Shane did. That's a lot of responsibility. I didn't know if I could handle that. GAH! What the hell?

While I was lost in my thoughts, trying to stop my world from either imploding or exploding, Dietrich was watching me with a smile on his face.

"Can we go somewhere today?" He asked me, his eyes full of apprehensive hope even though his smile didn't falter.

"Like where?" I was confused, where did he want to go?

"I've not been to this city in a long time. I don't know how it has changed. You can show me around, at what all is new."

"It hasn't changed too much, I don't think. For the last several years things have looked pretty much the same as they do now, I think."

"What about over the last thirty years?" He laughed softly, almost like a giggle. I had noticed this last night, but his laughs were kind of cute sometimes. WHAT AM I THINKING? He's a guy, I'm a guy, not cute, nothing is cute.

"How am I supposed to know how different it is from thirty years ago, I wasn't even alive that long ago." I yelled, almost scolding him.

"That's my point. You and I both don't know what is different, but we can go and find out together."

"This seems strange." Was he trying to take me out on a date?

"What? It's just two people exploring a city. You tell me about the city now, and I will tell you about the city as I have seen it change over the last century."

"That is so strange to hear." 

"What is?" Dietrich looked confused now.

"That you've seen this city change over that much time."

"Can you ever learn to accept it?" He seemed hurt, sad, that I thought it was strange.

"I didn't say that I didn't accept it, just that it's strange. It's going to be weird for me, to think about the fact that you were alive before the Europeans came to this country."

"I could have come with them. I was prominent in Europe at the time and I was asked to join the first settlers."

"That's what I'm talking about, I'm going to have to actually come to terms with stuff like that." He laughed at my mini freak out for a moment.

"I won't talk about my past if that will make you feel better." He seemed serious as he offered that. "Our lives together started when we met, anything before that doesn't matter."

"But that's not good either. Neither of us would be who we are if it wasn't for our pasts so I can't ignore who you are." He smiled at that.

"So, you're interested in who I am?" He was smiling at me with a heated look in his eyes.

"Well, I'm not uninterested in who you are." He laughed again.

"You're so cute." He was grinning at me playfully.

"I'm not cute." I snapped at him. "I'm a man, I can't be cute." I think I was being hypocritical here, didn't I think he was cute at some point. 

"There's nothing wrong with it. When I said cute, I truly just meant appealing. That what you said made me smile and brought me joy. The simplest way for me to express that was to say cute. I could have said adorable, cute, sweet, mouth watering, sexy, handsome, any of them could describe you in specific situations, but the cute just seemed the best fit. The words you said were cute, hence you were being cute." I felt my face flush with heat and knew I had to be cherry red at that moment. He had said a lot more than just cute applied to me, and why did it make me happy to hear them all?

"I-I-I'm sorry." I tried to look away from him but his hot, heated gaze was holding mine.

"For what, Liebling?" His breath, hot and sweet, hit my face as he inched closer to me.

"I-I sh-shouldn't have y-ye-yelled at you. I-I-I th-thought your la-laugh was cute t-too." He grinned as I worked hard to get the words past my stuttering tongue.

"I'm happy you thought so." He was leaning in so close to me now, so close that our noses brushed against each other and I thought he was going to kiss me.

I didn't know why I wasn't pulling away from him, why I was waiting for our lips to touch. Did I want him to kiss me? I didn't really know, but I didn't feel like stopping him from kissing me either.

I could feel the heat from his mouth, even though his lips were still a couple inches away. My heart was pounding and I swear there was a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous, yeah, but I was also kind of excited. The anticipation was killing me though.

Then, he pulled away, our lips never having touched.

I blinked in surprise, shock filling my heart and my mind as the butterflies became a swarm of bees, stinging me from the inside with doubts and worry.

"I can't rush you. I'm sorry for that just now, meine Geliebte."

"What do you keep saying in German? You keep using those names." I initially wanted to ask him why he didn't kiss me, but I couldn't bring myself to say those words.

"I'm sorry, Shawn. I was being sneaky with them." He hung his head, like he was feeling guilty. "I have been using pet names for you."

"What was that one, mine gel, something?"

"Meine Geliebte." He said the word again and I made sure to memorize the pronunciation. "It means my love." I blushed then, I couldn't help it.

"And the other ones, Lee whatever and the others?"

"Liebling, Schatz, Schätzchen, they're all similar, they mean things like darling, treasure, lover, baby, honey, sweetheart. They're all different forms of the same thing and they're all just terms of endearment."

"The Meine part I'm guessing means my or mine right."

"Ja, yes, meine means just that."

"And the goota noch? I can't remember the pronunciation, that was good night?"

"Wunderbar. You are a natural, you will be speaking German in no time. Gute Nacht does mean good night."

"This is a little awkward, but kind of fun too." I smiled. "I always wanted to learn new things and go to university, but that's not what had happened for me."

"You can do anything you want from now on, Liebe, I will be there to support you even if no one else is." I felt my heart swell then, for reasons I didn't even know.

Somehow, it was settled that we were going to explore the city together. Getting to know what buildings used to be long ago, and where there were nothing but fields and dirt was pretty interesting. To be able to see the world through the eyes of someone who had seen the world change, it was pretty cool. I hadn't just walked around downtown in a long time, not since I was a teenager.

After we looked around everywhere, I was getting pretty hungry. It was getting late after all and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch. I guess I had been able to ignore it since I was having a good time, but it was starting to gnaw at me, not to mention Dietrich laughed when he heard my stomach rumble.

"I guess we should get some dinner, I wouldn't say no to a nice meal either." Dietrich's chuckle seemed to send shivers running through me.

"I'm sorry." I was embarrassed by the loud grumble that had come from me.

"Don't be, you need to eat, and we have been out all day. I should be sorry for not thinking about it sooner."

We ended up settling on a nice Italian restaurant. Once we sat down and started looking at the menu, I couldn't help but realize how much like a date this was starting to seem. But, for some reason, I didn't hate that idea.

When the dinner arrived, we took our time to eat the meal. I was enjoying the conversation, the food, the company. If I was going to count this as our first date, I don't think that I would mind.

I found myself smiling a lot. At the thought of what all of this meant, what would come of it, and the stories Dietrich was telling me about his past. I laughed when he told me about being a new vampire and the misfortune that seemed to constantly befall him. But his stories were making me want to know more and more about him. He had lived so much compared to my miniscule life.

When dinner was over we walked back to my place. I had been in a relatively good mood and somehow invited him back upstairs. I don't know what I was thinking, I most definitely was not ready for THAT to happen, but I also wasn't ready to say goodbye.

It was getting late, but not extremely so. When back upstairs we put a movie on and sat on the couch. We didn't sit right next to each other, but we didn't sit as far from each other as we could either.

The movie was good, obviously I liked it because it was part of my DVD collection. But even so, I didn't concentrate on the movie at all. I was too hyper focused on the vampire sitting next to me. Close enough that I could reach out and touch if I wanted to.

All during our walk through the city Dietrich had remained proper and polite. He never once put his arm around me, tried to hold my hand, or touch me in any way. I had been expecting it, waiting for it really, but he never did.

I don't know why I was so sad that he never tried to touch me. I was also still wondering why he had not kissed me either. All these things that I never thought would ever go through my head were now cluttering it up with mixed feelings.

Without really thinking about it, I reached over and put my hand right next to his. I didn't know if I wanted to take his hand, or if I wanted him to take mine. I was a man too after all, wasn't I allowed to take the lead?

I knew he was aware of my hand, but he didn't try anything. I did, however, sense his eyes on me as I worked up the courage to take his hand in mine. It was nerve wracking to say the least, but I managed to do it. And once I felt the softness of his skin and the firmness of his hold on my hand as he held mine as well, that was when I smiled.

It felt like my hand was on fire, but not in a bad way. I had never wanted to hold anyone's hands before. Not since I was a kid and held the hands of my parents and my brother. But that had been over twenty years ago and was nothing like this.

This! This feeling of holding Dietrich's hand in my own, just that was enough to excite me. Oh, what was I going to do?

When I worked up even more courage and finally looked at him, I saw that he was smiling at me with a calm, seductive look on his face.

"Meine Geliebte." The look in Dietrich's eyes spoke of wanting, desire, and love.

  "Uh, umm."

I didn't know what to say to him. We were both completely ignoring the movie as we looked into each other's eyes. I had a feeling my mouth was probably hanging out while I sat there looking like some kind of fool. I don't want to say what was going through my mind at the time, I couldn't even understand it at all. But when Dietrich started to lean in closer my mind went blank.

I leaned with him as he came closer, leaning my back against the arm of the couch. I wasn't recoiling, I was just moving with him.

The look in his eyes, the desire in them, it didn't frighten me, actually it did just the opposite, either way though, it was making my heart pound and the butterflies in my stomach start to swarm again.

"Schätzchen, may I?" I didn't really know what he was asking for, but I felt myself nod my head in confusion to answer his mysterious question.

After that question, after that nod, that was when I finally felt his lips press against mine. Soft, tender lips filled with an unmistakable heat. I gasped at the gentle, but firm pressure of the kiss and he took advantage of that. Dietrich slid his tongue into my opened mouth, sliding it along and entangling it with mine before he started to explore my mouth.

My head was already spinning from the kiss. Feeling like I was going to lose my balance if I didn't hold onto something so I wrapped my arms around his waist as he braced his arms on the couch behind me. I felt him then, pressed up against my chest, my stomach, my legs, and places in between.

I felt my body starting to react from the kiss and the feel of his body on mine. Never in a million years did I think that my body would react to a man but it was now. I couldn't help myself.

But I wasn't ready for this. This was too soon.

Just before I pushed him away, though, Dietrich broke the kiss. Pulling his lips and his body from mine.

After rising from the couch, Dietrich stepped away and sat on the chair, panting heavily. My breathing was just as ragged as his sounded. After a moment, he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, Liebling, I should not have done that." He seemed sad, his voice holding emotions I didn't understand. When I turned to look at him I saw that he was looking repentant.

"Sorry? For what?" I asked him.

"You're not ready, and I know that."

"How did you-?" I couldn't figure out how to form the rest of that question.

"I know it's all new to you, Geliebte, I know that and I almost pushed you too far. I am sorry."

"Y-you're right, I'm not ready. I was just about to stop you. But thank you."

"For what?" It was his turn to sound confused.

"For thinking of me, and knowing it was too soon."

"I will always put you first, Shawn, always and forever." I blushed at his words, he sounded so sincere.

"I will head back for now. I don't think I should stay any later." He grinned sheepishly and I noticed he was walking just a little awkwardly when he stood. I moved to follow him and noticed that I was walking the same way. It's a little difficult to hide that walk, the one that clearly told how aroused we were.

I met him at the door as he was about to leave. He turned for just a moment, looking me in the eyes.

"Gute Nacht Schätzchen." He whispered as he pressed a feather light kiss to my lips. It only lasted a second and he was gone immediately after that. He seemed to have warped through a shadow to put distance between us.

"Oh Goddess." I sighed as I leaned back against the wall after I shut and locked the door behind him. "This is getting complicated."