Chapter 60 60. Karaoke and Goggles’ 4D Chess

Rippa was doing a karaoke stream. Her regular viewers had long known she couldn’t sing for shit, but that was exactly why they loved it. This, in turn, had emboldened Rippa to continue to schedule occasional karaoke streams. Sometimes, she played into her inability to sing and employed autotune for more comedy. Tonight, however, she was butchering track after track with her sheer raw talent, much to everyone’s amusement. New viewers were at first extremely confused, but they quickly read the room and learned this torture was the content.

‘My wife just asked me if I’m paying you for this,’ a viewer joked in chat after the VTuber finished a song.

Rippa pretended to be offended. “Hey, tell her to fuck off.”

She, however, wasn’t thick-skinned enough to do a karaoke stream from Goggles’ office. Just imagining Goggles filling out tax forms at his desk while Rippa was singing horrendously in the same room… that was too embarrassing even for Rippa.

‘Does Buttolls also sing this beautifully?’ someone asked in chat.

“Huh?” Rippa paused. Come to think of it, she hadn’t actually heard the kid sing before. But the ceiling mural in Goggles’ office included a depiction of Buttons singing, so that probably meant Buttons sang from time to time, no?

Rippa quickly checked the time. Half past nine.

“Hey, kid, are you watching?” Rippa asked into the mic. “It’s not your bedtime yet, right? You watching?”

No answer in chat.

But then Rippa remembered she had banned Buttons in her YouTube chat when the kid had doxxed herself.

“Buttolls, come over. Let’s sing a song together.”

Reflected in her screen, Rippa could see a portal opening behind her.

“Rippa, I’m still banned in chat,” Buttons complained as she stepped out into her friend’s room. “I make one tiny mistake, and you ban me for life.”

“Yeah, kid, you are staying banned,” said Rippa, making space for Buttons.

‘Hi, Buttolls!’ viewers welcomed this unscheduled appearance of their resident kid god.

Buttons, standing beside Rippa’s gaming chair, tiptoed and greeted back into the mic. “Hallo, chat.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you singing,” Rippa commented.

“You haven’t? But I sing all the time?”

“Hmm… maybe I just wasn’t there to hear it. Anyway, you got any song in mind?” asked Rippa, moving the mouse cursor to YouTube’s search bar. “But songs with no slurs, please,” she added.

“I like The World Caves In.”

Rippa searched for ‘the world caves in karaoke.’

“Ah, As the World Caves In?”

“Yeah, that one.”

Rippa glanced at her kid friend. She thought this song was rather too melancholic a song for Buttons to like, but who was she to judge?

“OK, we sing together. Let’s go!” With that, Rippa clicked on the play button.

Thus, for the next three and a half minutes, Rippa’s chat endured an incredible dissonance and a total lack of volume control unleashed by their VTuber and her friend. It was so bad even Mom and Dad came to Rippa’s room. They stood at the doorway to witness this monumental performance.

“—Oh, it’s you that I lie with, as the atom bomb locks in. Yes, it’s you I welcome death with, as the world, as the world caves in~.”

The two ended the song. Everyone clapped. Buttons turned around and, with a huge satisfied smile, bowed to Mamapin and Papapin.

“Wow, Buttons…” Rippa was speechless. “I didn’t expect that.”

The kid gloated. “Three thousand years of practicing!”

“But there’s still room for improvement, I must say.”

“Yeah,” Buttons nodded in agreement. “Vocal cord control is very difficult. Talking is one thing, but singing? Doing pitch and volume at the same time is incredibly hard.”

“It shows.”

“Rippa!” Mom gave her a scolding look.

‘It’s OK, Buttolls. All kids sing like that,’ said a viewer.

‘Yeah, my kid sings just like that,’ another agreed.

Rippa thought about it. Yes, indeed, all kids she knew did indeed sing just like Buttons. But then again, the kids she knew were her relatives. And they all sang terribly. ‘Perhaps it runs in the family?’ she wondered.

Rippa paused her train of thought to read a Super Chat. “MikHail Jackson! Thank you for Super Chat! ‘Why that song in particular?’” She turned to face Buttons. “Yeah, Buttons, why? Do you know what the lyrics mean?”

The kid shrugged. “I will never have someone to die with, will I? I can only wish.”

All three members of Rippa’s family gasped. Chat slowed down and became quite solemn.

“I…” Rippa didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t imagine living for eternity and watching her loved ones die off one after another, each only lasting what would feel like a blink of an eye.

She took a deep breath and took hold of Buttons’ small hands. She gave them a squeeze. “Buttons, I’m sure you will always find new friends. And you will cherish each and every one of them. I promise you I won’t be the last one.”

Buttons looked into Rippa’s eyes, then, after a few seconds, she nodded. “Thanks.”

Rippa gave the kid a quick hug.

‘I call dibs on being the next friend,’ a chatter volunteered.

‘I’m next! Rippa, die already.’

‘No thanks, I’ll pass.’

Everyone was chiming in.

“Come on, let’s sing something cheerful.” With that, Rippin’ Rippa played The Friendly Father Kim Jong Un.

The song was indeed uplifting. Rippa stood up and pushed her chair aside. She and Buttons bobbed and bounced up and down, shifting left and right, as Rippa fumbled through the romanized North Korean lyrics at the top of her lungs. Buttons, on the other hand, being multilingual, nailed the lyrics. Mom and Dad also clapped and danced to the beat in the hallway, enjoying yet more chaos their VTuber daughter brought to the house.

When the song was over, Buttons gave goodnight kisses to Mamapin and Papapin and went back to the palace to get ready for her bedtime. Mom and Dad also left, closing the door behind them so the noise wouldn’t bother them too much. Rippa continued her karaoke stream and had a very good time with her chat.

***

Goggles was at his desk. On one of his monitors, Rippa’s stream was playing. He pressed the back arrow a few times and replayed the part where Buttons and Rippa sang together. Listening to the duo, he eyed the five invitations he had laid out on the desk.

To be honest, Goggles was a bit disappointed. The Home Office had still not found UFNDME Holdings. They were still a few dozen steps away. While it was true that he would have found receiving an invitation sent to UFNDME incredibly satisfying, he also had to admit that things might have turned out differently had they seen the date of the holding company’s name change. They would have immediately realized Goggles knew what they were up to, which, in turn, would have led to the US government taking a completely different approach in trying to kill him. Well, he wasn’t a petty man. He decided to put his personal satisfaction aside for the bigger picture. So far, the other side was moving exactly as he had predicted.

To him, the sequence of the three events was clean, logical, and organic.

Brush it off. Let everyone know about it. Then attend the party and ask, “What’s for dinner?” And then everyone would live as if nothing happened. And more importantly, no one would bother to try it ever again.

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