Chapter 58 58. Be a Rock

Rippa found herself free one afternoon and decided to take Buttons to a McDonald’s.

Goggles, however, wasn’t happy with the destination. “McDonald’s? Miss Rippa, if you want a hamburger, we could—”

Rippa shook her head. “Goggles, Goggles, it’s not about the burger. It’s about the Happy Meal.”

The butler looked at Buttons’ face and caved in.

And thus, Rippa took Buttons and Miss Pendrake to a McDonald’s. Sitting at the table with their food, she fought the urge to pull the stubborn strand of hair on Miss Pendrake’s head. That would have transformed the young girl into a hamburger-munching machine, but Rippa decided the chaos wouldn’t be worth it.

Just as the trio was about to dig in, a group of loud women stormed into the restaurant. They had pickets and megaphones and cans of red spray paint. Two of them seemed to have been tasked with filming the whole thing, as they held their phones up and were taking videos of their comrades in action.

“Meat is murder! Meat is murder!” they started shouting.

One of them sprayed MURDER on the digital kiosk.

‘Oh, great!’ Rippa face-palmed. She reached across the table and grabbed Buttons’ small hand. “Buttons, ignore them. Keep your mouth shut, OK?”

“Huh? I haven’t done anything?”

“Just shut up and ignore them.”

The kid was, of course, confused, but she shrugged and bit into her hamburger.

Much to Rippa’s dismay, one of the activists recognized Buttons and came over to the table. “Hey, you are the Buttons kid!”

Rippa glanced at Miss Pendrake. The bodyguard showed no signs of alarm, much to Rippa’s relief. ‘OK, she’s not sensing any hostile intention. Good.’

Buttons had her mouth full so she just looked up and nodded.

“You shouldn’t eat this,” the activist was saying. “Eating meat is murder. You should know better.”

The kid shrugged and took another bite of her hamburger, which agitated the annoying woman.

“Hey, you can’t eat a hamburger. It’s murder!”

Rippa intervened. “Lady, leave her alone. Let the kid enjoy her Happy Meal.”

“There’s nothing happy about the Happy Meal!” the woman screamed. “You are murdering cows!”

Buttons swallowed her food and wiped her mouth with a napkin. She looked up at the lady. “Imagine I’m visiting a chicken farm—”

“Buttons, shut up,” Rippa hissed.

But the kid went on. “One of the chickens pecks my leg and tells me I shouldn’t eat beef.”

The annoying woman was slowly getting it. She was just being equated to a chicken.

“Guess what’s for dinner?” Buttons then looked at the woman menacingly.

“Buttons!” Rippa looked back and forth between the activist and her kid friend.

The woman gasped, taken aback. Her face turned red. She was about to screech, but a group of police officers entered the restaurant with the store manager in tow.

“OK, everyone, out. You are being trespassed.”

As if they had done this many times and knew the playbook inside out, the vegans all stormed out. They nevertheless kept protesting from across the street.

“Buttons, you can’t talk to people like that!” Rippa leaned over the table. “You don’t go around threatening people you’ll eat them.”

Buttons shrugged and resumed eating her hamburger.

“Also, back in Congress. Why do you always resort to threats?”

The kid sighed. “I told you this is how it works. Puff your chest, stand tall, and ball up your fists. They leave you alone.”

“No, Buttons, they don’t find it threatening. They find it cute.”

“I am cute.”

“That’s what makes it cute!”

“Your mom is right, kid,” a voice from the next table butted in.

Rippa and Buttons turned around to find a middle-aged man with his teenage daughter.

The daughter seemed very embarrassed. “Dad, that’s Buttons. The kid god.”

The man blinked. He looked between Rippa and Buttons again, then shrugged. “Still,” he said. “Your mom is right. You can’t go around talking big all the time.”

***

Instead of going home, Rippa returned to the pocket dimension with Buttons. She found Goggles in the beach lounge and dragged the kid along with her.

“Goggles, we need to talk about her behavior.”

“Hmm?” Goggles raised his eyebrows. “I think she handled it well?”

Rippa blinked. “How do you know? You said I’m filtered from your Sauron eyes.”

The butler shrugged. “You indeed are, but everyone else isn’t. Also, please… no Sauron.”

Rippa thought about it. OK, that actually made sense.

Buttons chimed in from Rippa’s side. “See? He keeps an eye on me all the time. He protec.”

“OK,” Rippa raised both her hands. “So, you know what happened, and you are fine with that?”

“Miss Rippa, as Buttons said, that is how it works with humans.”

“No, they find it cute!”

“She is.”

“Argh!” In frustration, Rippa made a strangling motion in the air.

“Besides, you were the only one who found it cute,” Goggles added. “Everyone else at the scene thought Buttons was threatening the lady, which was exactly what she intended.”

The kid blushed. “Aw, Rippa… You find me cute no matter what.”

“Wait, people took it seriously?” Rippa demanded.

Goggles nodded.

“Then it’s even worse!” Rippa started to pace left and right. “Now you are some… some monsters!”

“Better than a punching bag,” said Buttons nonchalantly.

Rippa snapped around. “No, Buttons! You are bigger than this. You… you… you can do better.” She immediately regretted saying that. “No, I didn’t mean it that way.”

The kid looked hurt and confused.

Rippa took hold of Buttons’ hands. “I mean, now everyone knows you are not a…” This was hard for her to say to the kid’s face, but it had to be said. “Not a human. You are not a human. You don’t have to play by our playbook.”

“All the better,” said Buttons. “Now that people know I can magic—”

“But will you actually hurt people?”

“I…” Buttons couldn’t answer.

“See?” 

“What do I do then, Rippa?”

“I dunno! Just brush it off, maybe?”

“But I’ll get hurt,” Buttons protested. “I don’t like getting kicked.”

Rippa saw where Buttons was coming from. “Kid, listen. A kick hurts you because you try to hide magic. But now, you can still be kicked, but make it not hurt you… Am I making sense?” Rippa glanced at Goggles.

“I see.” Goggles nodded. “That is indeed a refreshing approach.”

“It is?” Buttons looked at Goggles, too. “I don’t get it, though?”

Goggles smiled and elaborated. “Right, let me explain it in simple words. A punch to the face hurts because you couldn’t afford to let people know you could just brush it off. Hence, in order to avoid being punched in the first place, all that intimidation and ‘leave me alone!’ signaling.”

“Ah…” Buttons was now starting to understand.

“But now, we have entered a new era where you can show your magic.”

Rippa thanked God Goggles existed. He was doing a fantastic job explaining her argument. “Yes, Goggles is right, Buttons. If you are a rock, nobody bothers punching you.”

“This is an excellent idea, indeed,” Goggles was now musing aloud, thinking. “Perhaps I should take this opportunity to apply the new approach and settle it once and for all that I cannot be harmed.”

“You mean Buttons?” asked Rippa.

“Oh, yes. She, too.”

Rippa saw the butler deep in thought. She felt as if something shifted in the man. She faced Buttons again. “Anyway. So, you magic yourself into a rock when people want to hurt you.”

“But the lady wasn’t trying to hurt me?” said Buttons. “She was being very annoying, though.”

“Yeah, just… don’t engage. Don’t reward them with your attention. Just let people yap until they are tired.”

“Hmm…”

Rippa sighed. “Buttons, you always talk about Godzilla stepping on a Lego, but then you go on to threaten Legos? You can’t have both.”

“Hey! I don’t like it when my flaws are pointed out!” said the little tyrant, but she seemed to get it now.

Goggles nodded and clasped his hands. “Right, I guess that settles it, then. This is how it should be handled.”

He then looked at Buttons and changed the topic. “Oh, by the way, which would you prefer to attend? A commemoration of the Second World War at the UN, a gala evening in Washington, D.C., or a ribbon-cutting at a new library?”

“Huh?” Buttons and Rippa said at the same time.

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