Chapter 69-Just once (2)

Chapter 69: 69-Just once (2)

’To you, it can be everyone else but me, right?’ He thought.

It was the question that lingered it the tip of his tongue but he could never get himself to ask because he feared getting the answer put into words.

His eyes moistened. He lifted them to glance at the ceiling and then, he blinked away the tears and didn’t let Luan see.

Luan waited for Kayden to move and let him pass. He waited for Kayden to take offense at his words and go off like a typical whiteblood and ask him what right he had to hate him when he was beneath him.

He hated the way Kayden could turn every conversation into a game. He hated how easily the whiteblood invaded his personal space. He hated the way his heart behaved whenever Kayden stood too close.

Most of all, he hated the fact that Kayden had no idea of his insecurities and how his presence triggered them or at least Luan hoped he didn’t because he wouldn’t be able to face anyone ever again.

"You said you wanted to talk. Go on, speak!" He hurried him, he needed to get away before he too started to notice how inferior he was to Kayden. "I have things to do. I need to see Addessa to discuss something important with her," he added.

Kayden lowered his head. His eyes landed on the blueblood who wouldnt even meet his gaze. The name "Addessa" rang on repeat in his ear.

It was the name he most hated in the world especially coming from Luan’s lips. He bit his lip and stared at him without saying a word, the ache in his chest was incomparable to anything.

Because there was something Kayden had never told anyone, not even his best friend Varitreya. Something he barely admitted to himself out loud out of fear of someone overhearing.

He had feelings for Luan. His feelings weren’t new ones or something born from thar trip. They had been there for years; quiet, persistent and embarrassing to admit.

Kayden had buried them beneath irritation, competition and endless arguments because admitting them felt dangerous.

’In your eyes, that blackblood is more important than I am... she’s your heart and soul while I am just am annoyance,’ the bitter feelings nearly chocked. ’Why can’t you see that I am charmed head to toe by you?’

Luan looked up. He gazed at the silent whiteblood and felt like Kayden was using silence to show him his place, reminding him that they were miles away in status.

He also bit his lip. Kayden didn’t need to remind him of that, he knew it already. Kayden was everything Luan wasn’t; a whiteblood, a grand duke’s son, the heir to one of the most powerful houses in the vampire nation and Varitreya’s closest male friend.

The ice prince the academy admired beyond the skies and back. And Luan? He was simply Luan.

A blueblood heartthrob with a powerful family, yes, but nowhere near Kayden’s position. So Luan had convinced himself that nothing could exist between them, not friendship or acquaintance. The only feelings were nothing more than rivalry.

Until Kayden returned and he felt inferior while Kayden suddenly felt every buried feeling had come rushing back like it was yesterday that he fell in love with Luan.

Luan glanced at him. He found that Kayden was watching him and wasn’t saying a single word. That look infuriated him much more than listening to students chant Kayden’s praises.

"What?" Luan snapped.

"Nothing," his voice softened even more. He sounded nothing like his usual self.

"You’re staring at me," Luan called him out on this. "How can you say that its nothing."

"I like looking at you. Is that a crime?" Kayden asked, his wound growing deeper. ’Is Addessa the only one allowed to look at you?’

Was he even not allowed a glance? Did Luan despise him so much that Luan couldn’t stand him watching? Were his eyes made of mud that tainted him with just a look?

Luan’s heart nearly stopped. Kayden said it so casually that Luan wasn’t sure whether he had heard correctly.

"What? Why would you be looking at me?" He inquired, eyes reddening from holding back his anger. ’Is it to make sure I know that you’ll forever hail above me? Is it so important to crash me like this?’ He thought, feeling hurt.

Kayden smiled. "I said you’re difficult to look away from," he said it casually but the feelings behind those words were true and he hoped that Luan would take them seriously and understand his feelings... just once.

Luan’s ears warmed. His anger was building up. He interpreted those words differently, in his ears they sounded like, "it is hard to look away from how lesser you are to me."

"You’re annoying," he stated.

"You’re blushing," Kayden joked, it was the reaction he wished Luan would have towards him.

"I’m not. I am fuming mad. Can’t you see that?" His reddened eyes burnt harder, they were nearly tearing through Kayden’s skin. "I am enraged!"

"You are?"

"I’m going to leave," he excused himself, having enough of being humiliated.

Kayden stepped directly into his path. The thought of Luan rushing away to meet with Addessa made him uncomfortable. ’Stay!’ He screamed internally. ’With me. Stay with me, Luan.’

But he lacked the courage to speak his feelings out loud. He couldn’t handle being told straight to his face that he wasn’t loved.

Luan nearly walked into him. "Move!" He demanded.

"No..." Kayden held his ground. He had a million reasons to give, he even debated falling to his knees and begging Luan to not go to Addessa and stay by his side. However, he understood that it wouldn’t change anything even if he did so he held back.

"Kayden!" Luan gritted his teeth and continued to glare at him. His own tears coming close to the surface. ’Must you insist on humiliating me so. Give me a way out at least,’ he wanted to say.

However, realizing how whimpy he’d sound which would motivate Kayden even more, he didn’t dare to say it. Kayden would use his weakness to look down a him even more and wouldn’t let him live it down, he was so sure of that.

"Luan," Kayden called, her tone soft and desperate.

They stared at each other. The corridor suddenly felt much smaller. Kayden’s expression softened for a fraction of a second. ’Just once... look at me...see me... choose me."