Chapter 316: Casper can be sweet too

Casper was nervous. He’d already been here only an hour ago, at the least, and two hours at the most. He’d felt as nervous then as he did now.

Casper still wasn’t sure what was the right behaviour around Theo.

He knew that things were...different between them. Something had shifted completely after Kellen had confronted him with the Captain and Theo had stepped in and also told him that he was worried. Casper had been going off the deep end, and now that he had a few therapy sessions under his belt, he was honest enough to admit that was true.

He’d fought against some of the things that his therapist had said to him at first, but after he’d spoken to Theo after the first few sessions, Theo was able to talk him down from his anger. At himself, at his situation, at everything. Theo had also been ’forced’ into therapy because of Kellen so he knew what Casper was going through.

He was able to help him change his perspective on it and when Casper had gone into the next therapy session...things had changed. Now he was actually getting something out of it. He might still be uncomfortable confronting certain things, but it also felt good to get some of the things he’d been holding in, out.

Which was why Casper was able to be more aware, more conscious of the things that were happening around him. One of those things was the way that Theo was treating him.

Let it be known, even when Theo was still in that fucked up state where he thought true love between two people was violent and filled with yelling and rage, he had treated Casper well. He was a good man, had always been a good man, and even when Casper had been heartbroken that things couldn’t continue between them, he’d always believed that.

He just thought that he wasn’t a good fit, or good enough for him. That had changed when Theo had been sent off as a spy and Casper had to sit and ruminate on what he wanted, why he was upset that Theo was gone, and why he thought running away would even help.

That was how he’d ended up burning the candle at both ends, snapping at the Captain, making threats and becoming a person he never thought himself capable of until Theo and Kellen looked at him, really looked at him, and told him that was enough. It was enough. He couldn’t do this to himself, to the others, and to his legacy.

It had really messed him up that others had seen what path he was going down and Casper hadn’t. He’d had his blinders on. For years, as he faced the difficult reality that because he’d been suppressing himself and kicking and beating himself up, he’d allowed the people that he cared about to suffer.

It wasn’t once or twice he’d cried in the therapists office about what he’d done with his own two hands to the Guides that he cared about. Who relied on him. It was a miracle that they still saw him with respect, and still valued him. It was Karen who had told him that they had insisted that the Guides replacing him right now were temporary. They wanted Casper back, and Casper knew he was undeserving of that admiration and that he had to rise to that occasion.

All of this had led to the moment where they had sat on the couch watching the Captain, Kellen and Brent do the unhinged behaviour that they were known for, all while Theo secretly held his hand where the others couldn’t see. Their thighs touching, their skin touching, being intimate with Casper in ways that Casper had always craved, but was now terrified of.

Even going back to Theo’s apartment was making Casper’s heart race in his chest. Even though that had done nothing close to being intimate, it wasn’t like they had never been. Casper had guided plenty of Espers in his day and Theo had been one of the many.

Of course, he told himself that so that it didn’t make his heart ache, but there were also other worries that Casper had. With the way that their Guild was structured, it might not be the best thing if the Guide at the top of the Guiding Division was imprinted. Would they even imprint? Was Casper getting ahead of himself? Why had his mind decided to jump there, right now, when they’d barely shared a few kisses that Casper had pulled away from?

"Cas? Is everything okay or are you super tired after today?" Theo asked sweetly and Casper wanted to kick himself. He shouldn’t do anything that would make Theo think he didn’t want to be around him. He’d already bothered the man enough, making him worry about him was something that he should do his best to avoid.

Even if his therapist had told him that was an unhealthy thought pattern, Casper couldn’t help it. He just knew that it was true and he still had a hard time realising that he had as much value to the Guild and to the world that Theo did. He felt like he’d done so many bad things while Theo had been suffering in silence while still doing good things that Casper would never be able to catch up.

"I’m okay." Casper breathed. "Totally fine. Just...exhausted from Charlie." Casper told him, giving him a tight smile. That wasn’t a lie. Charlie had taken a lot out of Casper. Theo’s eyes softened, the darkness there shifting slightly. It was something that Casper didn’t take for granted.

There were very few people who could tell that Theo’s eyes shifted in the darkness. That they weren’t just dark orbs that stared into your soul. They could be soft, and sweet, and angry and mean. They contained multitudes, it just took someone actually caring to be able to tell.

"Do you want to raincheck then? I don’t want you to feel forced to hang out with me." Theo told him with a soft chuckle. Casper froze.

"No!" He shouted, before he coughed and ran a hand through his hair. "No." He said calmly. "I want to hang out with you, I just...need a moment." He told the other man. Theo grinned.

"No worries. Take your time. Do you want to drink more or do you want something lighter? Pop or juice?" He suggested and Casper felt his shoulder relax.

"Juice would be great." Casper breathed and Theo, the man who had been slowly taking care of him much more than Casper ever could return the favour, moved to the kitchen where Miro and Pamela had been only hours before.

He was humming a tune to himself, pleased as Casper moved around the home. He ended up settling on the couch that they’d sat leaned against earlier, pulling his knees up to his chest. It was a defensive position, but it also brought him comfort.

Casper took off his glasses, rubbing at his eyes as he let out a low, quiet sigh. It was a bit of a hit to Casper’s ego that Theo was able to get to Charlie more than he could. He thought he was growing, but watching that had felt like a step back. He wasn’t upset with Theo or Charlie, especially Charlie because the man had been distressed and drunk. He’d just thought...maybe he would have gotten through to him.

Theo placed a glass of apple juice before him. The good kind, thick and juicy and not the colour of piss. Casper reached for the glass, Theo helping him grab it before he settled next to him on the couch. He was holding his own cup of juice, his smile serene as he stared at Casper.

"This is nice, isn’t it?" Theo murmured and Casper gave him a puzzled look. "Us, like this. Domestic and shit. I never believed we’d be able to have moments like this before. Quiet ones, where being in each other’s company was enough. It’s been nice to have these moments with you. Sweet, really." Theo told him.

Any complaints, any concerns that Casper had had faded at those words. Ah, the man was too cute for him.

Casper raised the glass to his lips, taking a drink of the tart, but sweet liquid and letting it run down his throat. He thought of an answer as he did so, wondering what would be okay to say. He decided on telling him the truth.

"I always thought we could be like this." Casper admitted. "Maybe not exactly here, but I always imagined it." Casper told him, honestly surprised that this conversation hadn’t come up before. Theo’s eyes widened.

"Really?" He asked and Casper nodded.

"Yeah. I wanted..." Casper’s cheeks burned. "Don’t judge me too badly, but I moved into the apartment that I did because of the aquarium. I thought you might like it." Casper admitted softly. He glanced at Theo and saw the man’s face was completely slack. Casper worried he was going to drop the glass he was holding but instead, he swallowed and reached for Casper.

He worried he was going to do something, anything to him, but instead the man wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer. That was it.

"You spoil me." Theo said roughly. "I had no idea. You were living in that huge ass apartment all alone and I was so worried you’d bought it for someone else. Here I was, being the damn fool, unaware that you had bought it for me." Theo grumbled, his face turning pink. "Why didn’t you say anything sooner?" He asked and Casper blushed.

"It’s embarrassing to admit and I...I had no idea what was okay to say. I still don’t." Casper muttered. "I don’t even know what we are." It was a soft thing that slipped out. Barely louder than a whisper.

Theo squeezed him tightly.

"We’re dating." Theo told him seriously. "Of course we are. What else would we be doing? We don’t have to do it the same way as everyone else, there’s no need to. We’ve both been hurt recently, whether that’s physically, mentally or emotionally. This relationship can look like whatever we want it to, but I’d be a fool to let you go again when you’ve already come back so much." Theo told him. ℯℯ𝑙.

Casper’s heart raced in his chest, his eyes watered. He wanted to be able to see Theo better so he put his glasses back on.

"We’re dating?" Casper asked and Theo swallowed.

"Yeah. With the intention of marriage. Is that...oh fuck, I didn’t ask you or tell you about that part, did I?" Theo looked suddenly very scared. "I promise it’s nothing like before. I’m a changed man and I couldn’t-I couldn’t imagine hitting you anymore. Rhys didn’t even have to beat that out of me, he just asked me questions that made my stomach roll." Theo told him and Casper melted.

"Oh Theo. It’s okay. I’m not upset, I’m thrilled I just...You could have anyone right now. Are you sure you’re okay with me?" Casper asked. Theo swallowed.

"There was never anyone else, Casper. I’m serious. I might have played a tough game, but there was never going to be anyone else if you left. I would stay alone and single and probably, bitter. But...now that you’re accepting that you need help and now that you’ve grown so much more healthier then you were before...I see no reason not to reach for you. If you’ll have me, of course." It was Theo’s turn to look nervous.

Casper let out a soft laugh, shaking his head.

"As if I would ever turn you down." Casper muttered. "I only ever did because I thought I was bad for you." Casper told him. Theo let out a relieved breath.

"Oh thank god because if you had said anything else but yes, I think I would have cried." He admitted. Casper shook his head at the man’s antics.

"There is no way. Not when you’ve treated me so well." Casper admitted. "Even when I’ve been an asshole." Theo laughed.

"I like when you’re an asshole. It means the Espers that used to hang out around you are long gone." Theo told him, his dark eyes glittering before he sniffed. "Now, should we watch a movie and cuddle? It’s going to be a busy day tomorrow." He reminded him and Casper groaned.

Right. The aftermath of the press conference. What joy.