Chapter 81: The Love I’m Afraid to Lose

Chapter 81: Chapter 81: The Love I’m Afraid to Lose

~Reynold’s POV~

Why would he do that and still tell me I don’t deserve his love? Then what does that make me?

I stared at the screen, another painful thought creeping into my mind.

Or is he doing all of this because he’s trying to protect Eva?

If I’m nothing more than a convenience to him, then maybe Eva is the one who truly deserves his love.

I sat there staring blankly at the floor, my mind struggling to make sense of everything. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became. Frederick had held back when it came to Eva, and now I couldn’t stop wondering if there was something more behind it.

What if he’s protecting her because he still wants her back?

I had no idea what I could do on my own. I didn’t have Frederick’s money, power, or influence. I had no one to turn to. It was just me, completely dependent on a man who seemed to hold all the power in my life.

Eventually, the loneliness became too much. I pushed myself up from the couch and headed upstairs. I didn’t even know what I was hoping for. Maybe I just wanted to be near him. I missed the warmth of his embrace, the way he used to hold me and pull me close before everything between us had fallen apart.

I dragged myself down the hallway until I reached the bedroom door. After taking a shaky breath, I smoothed down my clothes, turned the handle, and pushed the door open.

The moment I stepped inside, my heart slammed against my ribs.

Frederick stood near the window with his phone pressed to his ear.

Before I could even process the sight of him, his voice cut through the quiet room.

"Eva... I already told you. Once you’re ready, I’ll tell you where to meet me."

The moment his eyes lifted and landed on me standing in the doorway, he stopped talking. Without offering any explanation, he lowered the phone, walked past me with a cold, unreadable expression, and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

I stood frozen in the doorway.

Frederick... was talking to Eva?

And his voice had sounded so calm, so composed, as though he wasn’t talking to the woman who had just turned my life upside down.

My legs suddenly felt weak. I stumbled toward the couch and sank onto it, my mind spinning as I replayed his words over and over.

Are they trying to get back together?

In the past, Frederick wouldn’t even deign to answer her calls. He had kept her at arm’s length, treating her like a closed Chapter. But now? Now that she had successfully orchestrated a nightmare that nearly destroyed me, was she finally getting what she wanted? Was she getting her husband back?

A wave of crushing self-loathing washed over me.

And what happens to you, Reynold? After all is said and done, you never really mattered anyway.

The thought felt like a blade cutting through my chest. After all, I was nothing more than a temporary distraction to Frederick, someone he had kept around until he got tired of me. I didn’t stand a chance against Eva. She was wealthy, powerful, and perfectly suited to his world. Compared to her, I was young, poor, had no status of my own, and now carried a ruined reputation.

Who would actually choose someone like me when Eva has everything?

I pulled my knees tightly against my chest on the sofa and buried my face in them as fresh tears spilled from my eyes. I desperately wiped at my cheeks, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

Why are you even crying? I scolded myself bitterly, my chest heaving. He made it clear from the beginning that you weren’t supposed to develop feelings for him. He told you straight to your face that you don’t deserve his love. He doesn’t want you. All he wants is Eva. Not you.

Then the darkest thought of all entered my mind.

What happens to me when he goes back to Eva? Will he abandon me completely and throw me out onto the street?

Maybe that was the real reason he had been keeping his distance. Maybe that was why he could barely look at me, let alone touch me.

Just as I sat there drowning in my own despair, I heard heavy, familiar footsteps approaching the bedroom door.

Panic surged through me. I didn’t want him to see me like this broken, weak, and crying over him. I scrambled off the couch and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door just as the bedroom handle began to turn.

I walked toward the bathroom mirror and stood in front of it, staring at my reflection through tear-blurred eyes. My hands trembled as I reached up, lifting my hair and trying to style it differently, sweeping it back or letting it frame my face to make me look softer, more feminine, more like a woman, like Eva.

The desperate thought crashed over me without warning, heavy and agonizing.

I want to be Eva so badly. I want to be someone who deserves him. I want to be someone worthy of his love.

I stared at my reflection, desperately trying to push down the suffocating fear of losing him. I couldn’t lose him. I truly, deeply loved him, no matter how much he pushed me away.

With desperation clawing at my chest, I pulled out my phone and frantically searched online, watching guides on how to seduce a man. Maybe if I could seduce him, if I could make him want me tonight, he would stay. He wouldn’t leave me for her.

I won’t let Eva take him from me, I reasoned with myself, my heart racing.

After soaking in every tip and watching a few discreet tutorial videos, I took a deep breath, determined to try my absolute best when night fell. I splashed cold water over my face, wiping away the tears and gently rubbing my red, puffy eyes until the swelling went down enough to hide the worst of my crying.

When I finally stepped out of the bathroom, Frederick was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through his phone. The moment I walked closer, he lifted his head, his eyes settling on me.

"Reynold," he said quietly, "I’ll be leaving very early tomorrow morning. I have something important to take care of."

The words hit me hard. I swallowed painfully, trying to steady myself before I managed to ask, "Okay... when will you come back? When will I get to see you again?"

Frederick didn’t look entirely convinced that he’d be back anytime soon.

"I’m going to be extremely busy once I get back," he replied, his tone detached. "I’ll let you know when I’m free, or I’ll drop by whenever I have the time."

Whenever I have the time.

"Okay," I whispered.

He hadn’t mentioned a day, a week, or even a timeframe. The sickening realization hit me: he wasn’t planning on coming back anytime soon. Maybe he wasn’t going to see me at all anymore.

He must truly despise me now.

Without another word, I climbed onto the bed, slipped beneath the covers, and turned my back to him, pulling the duvet tightly around myself. He didn’t make a single move to touch me or bridge the distance between us. My hands clenched into fists against the mattress as I lay there silently, enduring the ache until the room finally fell into the deep, quiet darkness of evening.

Later that night, we went downstairs for dinner. The silence between us was suffocating. Unable to bear it any longer, I finished eating quickly, excused myself, and hurried back upstairs.

I took a quick shower, then stepped out and searched through the bottom of the closet until I found what I was looking for—a thin, translucent piece of nightwear that revealed more than it concealed. I slipped it on, letting the soft fabric drape over my skin, then quickly styled my hair to make myself look as alluring as possible.

Instead of hiding beneath the covers this time, I lay on top of the duvet, deliberately positioning myself in an inviting pose, my body turned slightly to the side.

A few moments later, the bedroom door clicked open. Frederick stepped inside.

Instead of hiding beneath the covers this time, I lay on top of the duvet, deliberately positioning myself in an inviting pose, my body turned slightly to the side.

A few moments later, the bedroom door clicked open. Frederick stepped inside.

My pulse quickened. Pretending to be casually engrossed in my phone, I watched him from the corner of my eye as he removed his shirt and walked straight into the bathroom to shower.

Minutes later, the bathroom door opened, and he stepped out with a thick towel wrapped securely around his waist, water droplets clinging to his broad shoulders and chest. He briefly dried his hair before removing the towel and climbing completely naked onto his side of the bed.

For a breathless second, I thought and desperately hoped, he would finally reach out to me.

Instead, Frederick simply shifted, turned his back to me, and pulled the blanket over his waist, completely ignoring me.

Panic and a desperate heat rushed through me. Should I make the first move? I wondered, my chest tightening.

I hesitated, my hand trembling as I lifted it slightly from the mattress, but fear made me stop. Then I forced myself past the hesitation, slipped beneath the covers, and slowly moved closer to his back.

Gathering every ounce of courage I had left, I reached my hand out, my fingertips lightly tracing the warm, firm skin of his spine. I slid my hand downward, growing bolder, stretching out to wrap my fingers around his length.

Before my hand could even close around him, a heavy, calloused hand shot out, catching my wrist in a firm, unbreakable grip.

"Not tonight," Frederick muttered, his voice cold and flat without even turning his head to look at me. "I’m not in the mood. You can use the toys."

A fresh wave of humiliation burned hot behind my eyes. "It’s you I want," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"I’m tired. I’m not in the mood," he repeated, pulling his arm away firmly. "Maybe another time."

"Okay," I choked out, a single tear slipping down my cheek and onto the pillow.

I pulled my hand back and slowly turned away, curling in on myself. A few minutes later, the steady rhythm of Frederick’s deep, even breathing filled the dark room. He had drifted off to sleep with effortless ease, while I remained awake.

How can he sleep so effortlessly while lying naked right beside me? I thought, a painful wave of humiliation tightening my throat. I had dressed in something so revealing, desperate to catch his eye, and he had brushed me aside without a second thought.

Maybe I don’t attract him anymore...

I don’t deserve his love. I don’t even deserve his body anymore.

I dragged a hand across my face, wiping away the hot, silent tears.

It’s okay, Reynold, I whispered to myself in the darkness...