Becoming a Monster

Chapter 553 - 552: Projections Reflection

The moment Ailetta finished speaking, Noah already felt a headache forming.

"What exactly do you mean by curious?"

"What else can I mean? Of course, she tried drinking Gwen’s blood while she was asleep."

Noah slowly brought a hand over his face.

Truthfully, after everything he dealt with lately, part of him genuinely wondered why this surprised him anymore.

But as he tried to imagine the scenario taking place, he found it more amusing than he thought it would be.

It didn’t help that he imagined Eve doing it while half asleep.

A faint breath escaped Noah that almost resembled a laugh.

That reaction immediately caused both women to stare at him.

They were expecting him to find the experience hilarious, but only after the initial surprise.

"Dear..." Ailetta questioned slowly. "Are you not curious about what happened afterward?"

"Not really," He answered surprisingly fast, and from the lack of energy behind it, they could tell that he meant it.

"You must know that my senses are surprisingly sensitive to danger. If I didn’t wake up, then that meant that there was no danger. Mayhem perhaps, but if it didn’t bother me enough to disturb my sleep, then why worry?"

The two women found it impossible to argue against his logic.

Strangely enough, listening to Noah explain it so matter-of-factly only made both of them feel somewhat immature about how dramatic their own reactions had been.

Meanwhile, Noah finally remembered something else before the conversation could end completely.

"Also..."

Both of them looked back toward him immediately.

"Before we move against the goblins, I still need to see how my blood reacts with the rest of you. So come back once you finish discussing things."

Noah turned as though the matter was already settled.

However, he only made it several steps before noticing the two were following behind him.

Ailetta and Arachne were almost on the same wavelength.

Compared to some goblins, Noah’s blood naturally felt far more important.

Or perhaps more accurately, far more tempting.

Ailetta lightly cleared her throat as she noticed Noah’s peculiar gaze directed towards them.

"...The goblins aren’t going anywhere."

Arachne immediately nodded in agreement.

"We can finish the discussion later."

Noah looked back toward the two of them blankly.

He shouldn’t have been surprised by how quickly their priorities shifted. Yet somehow he still was.

"...You two are unbelievable."

Ailetta immediately smiled innocently.

"We prefer... spontaneous."

Noah chose not to respond to that.

Instead, he simply continued walking while both women naturally fell into step beside him.

—

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the territory, Alexandria was currently experiencing a problem.

"...Are you going to keep ignoring me?"

Alexandria’s ears twitched to the continuous silence afterward.

Her eyes slowly lowered toward the shadow beneath her feet. At first, Alexandria genuinely thought the shadow had given up, and she lost the ability for the shadow to summon itself.

But every now and then...

She could still feel it reacting faintly beneath her. Especially whenever she was interacting with the other felines.

Which only made the current situation feel even more awkward somehow.

Alexandria hesitated briefly before trying again.

"You were right about a lot of things yesterday... I just want to make it right."

Truthfully, she didn’t even fully understand what "making it right" was supposed to mean yet.

How exactly were you supposed to apologize to a part of yourself you spent years suppressing?

Her shadow, on the other hand, finally showed a reaction. A pair of eyes opened to look at her.

But it turned into a glare that was scrutinizing and judging at the same time before closing again.

Seconds passed by afterward without a reaction.

Alexandria’s ears had straightened with an anxious eagerness when she thought her shadow was finally willing to speak to her.

Only for the silence to immediately return again.

Gradually...

Her ears slowly flattened again. The disappointment behind the motion was so visible that even she realized how pathetic she probably looked right now.

"If... If you’re trying to make me see how it is to be ignored, then it’s working..."

Alexandria couldn’t stop herself from getting emotional.

At first, she didn’t even know why she cared this much. It was only later that night, when venting to Dobby hit home, why she was so invested in making amends.

"Perhaps it isn’t you that is seeking forgiveness to make amends."

Dobby’s calm voice replayed itself clearly within her thoughts.

"Perhaps you desire forgiveness for yourself."

At the time, Alexandria felt spite for Dobby for the very first time since they had been together. She lashed out; it was impossible not to.

The words sounded cruel, and with Dobby’s even tone, it felt heartless. It was as though he was reducing everything she felt down to selfish guilt.

And when she repeatedly demanded how he could possibly say something like that to her...

Dobby simply listened quietly until she finally exhausted herself.

Only then did he speak again.

"Projection is a two-way mirror... On one side, you see your reflection as clearly as you see yourself. You recognize your own suffering within it. You understand those feelings deeply, so you wish to protect that reflection from experiencing them again."

At the time, Alexandria didn’t understand where he was going with it, but she realized that he wasn’t discrediting her integrity as she had assumed before.

"And on the other side is the one who caused the suffering to begin with."

"Even if your reflection is not the same as the one standing opposite it, the marks left behind still came from them."

"Pain does not vanish simply because the hand that caused it disappears."

"The parts of yourself you buried away to survive... Those things were shaped by what stood on the other side of that mirror."

Dobby’s voice remained calm throughout the explanation, never once sounding accusatory.

"Eventually, one stops asking whether they are looking at their own reflection anymore..."

"Or whether they have slowly begun resembling the image they wished to forget."

The memory caused Alexandria’s chest to tighten painfully all over again.

Because now she finally understood why those words affected her so deeply afterward. And why it pained her so much after realizing what she inflicted upon her shadow.

Her shadow was more than just her anger, jealousy, or her selfishness. It was also that lonely part of herself that suffered long ago.

And the part that was abandoned after realizing it only existed as a replacement for someone else.

Now, looking down toward the shadow beneath her feet, Alexandria felt something inside her tremble.

Because the more she reflected on everything... The harder it became to separate herself from the people she hated and yet couldn’t stop loving.

"...Am I..." Her voice weakened slightly. It was hard for her to go through with the question.

"Am I just as bad as them?"

The moment those words left her mouth, the shadow fully materialized, standing directly in front of Alexandria with an even deeper glare than before.

"Don’t you dare say something so stupid in front of me again."

Alexandria visibly flinched at the sudden response.

"But-"

"Idiot, do you still not understand even now?"

"Everything you do, the reason you’ve been ignoring me, and ignoring yourself all this time. You don’t see it?"

Its voice was dripping with frustration.

"Do you know why you buried all of those feelings away in the first place?"

"You were a replacement for them, a pet to fill in their own pain. And you played the perfect part of a replacement."

"And you know it. We both know why you still want to be called the 3rd. You have to keep reminding yourself that you were loved because of who you are."

"Because if you stop believing that..."

Its expression twisted into something that was close to disgust and utter disappointment.

"Then you’ll have to acknowledge that they only loved the role you filled for them instead."

Alexandria felt as if the world was caving in on her. She wanted to ignore it all, to run away. And yet, her body refused to move.

Because somewhere deep down, Alexandria understood that this was something she needed to hear.

"And instead of staying true to who you are, you buried every ugly feeling you thought would make people stop loving you."

"And eventually..."

The shadow’s magnificent, vibrant eyes locked directly onto hers.

"You buried me, too."

Alexandria’s throat tightened painfully. The guilt hit so hard that she found it impossible to look at the shadow anymore.

The shadow stared at her for several moments before irritably clicking its tongue.

Alexandria immediately tried wiping at her eyes afterward despite barely realizing tears had started forming at all.

"...Stop crying."

"If you want to make it up to me, then start by proving to me that you don’t resent what I am. And who you are."

That part moved her more than anything else said so far. It was probably the only non-malicious thing that her shadow had ever said to her.

Alexandria’s ears slowly folded back again, but this time she was atleast able to look up.

"...You really are awful at this."

The shadow huffed to itself before turning to look past Alexandria’s figure.

"I’m done, you can have her before I get even angrier."

Alexandria flinched, every inch of fur straight as an arrow. Slowly, she looked behind her to find Dobby calmly smiling.