Because I Cannot Hurt You

Where no one can see…

Indeed that was true. Han Huizhong had expertly locked up his feelings so well that nobody had the faintest realization of how he had been in pain for all these years over losing his daughter.

And thinking of all that time of him bearing that sorrow all by himself with nobody to lean on and nobody to share his grief made her feel constricted.

Xinyi softly asked, "Grandpa. Is there something that you have kept hidden in your heart?"

Han Huizhong faintly trembled. His gaze seemed far away, as if he was in a trance. He looked up at the sky and emptily stared at it.

"I guess…" his voice was quiet and weak.

Xinyi clasped her hands together.. "Will you tell me?"

Han Huizhong faintly smiled. He glanced at Xinyi and patted her head. "I am old now, so there are many things that I have seen in my life."

She lowered her gaze in disappointment. "Grandpa. You knew everything about my pain, and you were always there for me to lean on you. I never felt weak because you always firmly stood by my side. I care for you a lot. So I wish that you share your feelings with me too."

Han Huizhong chuckled. "What happened, dear? You are so emotional. Are you pregnant?"

"Grandpa…" Her cheeks flushed. "I am being serious here."

"Hahaha."

Han Huizhong stared at his great-grandson, who was merrily absorbed in drawing the flower. 

"I want Siying to grow strong, Xinyi. So strong that he can weather everything that life brings on him. Life is not a merry-go-round, and I want him to know that. You might feel that I am being very harsh and strict with him. But I am afraid if I go soft like you, then I will lose him. He is still a child, and I want to take this chance to drill into him that he has to be tough and unyielding. Otherwise, just one incident, and...he will give up. He will break down so much that he will throw away the value his life holds to him and his family. As a mother, you don't want to suffer that Xinyi."

Xinyi trembled. She understood that he was thinking of Han Zongying as he said that. Her eyes teared up. The thought of Siying trying to end his life was something that she wouldn't even want to dream of.

"...Did you lose someone like that, Grandpa?" Her voice slightly shook.

Silence.

After a long time, he said, "Yes."

"Are you angry at that person for leaving you like that?"

A faint chuckle escaped his lips. "Hm? That is the anguish I have been going through for so long. Should I be angry at that person for giving up? Or should I be angry at myself that I failed to teach her that? Or maybe I am disappointed that a powerful man like Han Huizhong was standing right beside her, but she still couldn't get the strength to face her adversities. And then I question myself. What is the use of everything I earned until now? I wanted to be strong so that I could protect everyone. But in the end, the strength that I earned from my power, money, and influence amounted to nothing for her. That wasn't the kind of strength that she wanted."

A tear slipped down Xinyi's cheek.

"It was then that I realized that money and power...these are all external entities. Surely, it helps solve a lot of problems in the world very easily, but...it's of no use when your mind is telling you to kill yourself."

She stiffened.

"At that time, you don't need a million-dollar company or the most prestigious position in this world. The only thing you need is a heart of steel that is strong enough to throw away those dangerous thoughts."

"Mama! Grandpa!"

Siying came running to their side. "I finished my drawing! Look, look!" He eagerly flapped the drawing paper in his hand.

Han Huizhong picked Siying in his arms and placed him in his lap. "Ho. Let's see what you have made. Though a thorn would have saved so much time-"

He blinked his eyes. Xinyi peered and slightly widened her eyes in surprise too.

Siying had almost perfectly drawn the delicate flower, giving it a nice and warm shade of pink. But what surprised them were short and sharp thorns that grew on the flower's stem.

Xinyi said, "Aren't you supposed to draw leaves over there?"

Siying proudly rubbed his nose and grinned. "Grandpa gave me the idea! I want to be like Grandpa. A flower and a thorn! The flower looks pretty from above. But if you are mean to the flower, then she will prick you! Mama wanted me to draw the flower, and Grandpa wanted a thorn, so I draw both! How is it?" His gaze sparkled in excitement.

Han Huizhong stared at Siying in a stupor until his eyes began to sting.

"Hahahahah!"

He covered his eyes and loudly laughed. "That was pretty awesome, kid. You did a good job! I never thought of that."

Siying beamed, and one could see imaginary dog ears furiously shaking in happiness. 

"Mama! Grandpa praised me!"

Xinyi smiled. "En."

It was a rare event actually. Han Huizhong used to talk mockingly to everyone, especially to Siying, who behaved like a delicate child.

But perhaps it was after how he disappeared and separated from his parents and how he met Liu Jun that he slowly began to change.

Han Huizhong ruffled his hair. "Aish, you made this old man happy today."

Xinyi stared at his eyes that looked wet and misty, as he hugged Siying. His hands were slightly trembling as he held him.

Is he thinking of Han Zongying?

From a distance, Zhiyuan was also watching the scene as Siying showed him the drawing. He had heard their conversation. He clenched his fists, seeing the tears in his eyes.

Grandpa…