Because I Cannot Hurt You

Zhu villa.

The maid knocked on the door. "Madam Zhu."

"Come in," Caihong's disinterested voice came from inside.

Caihong was on her bed, reading a book.

The maid stepped inside and kept the tray. "Madam, I have brought your dinner."

She didn't look at her and said, "Not hungry. Take it away."

The maid gulped in fear. "Madam. Master Zhu will get upset if he knows…"

Caihong sneered. "Ho...does it have anything to do with me, pray tell me."

The maid had no answer.

"Madam, please...If Master Zhu comes to know about it, he will make things difficult for me."

"What else does he know apart from making everything difficult and messed up? I don't care. Take the tray away and get out."

Suddenly, a small figure peeked in, and she said to the maid, "You can leave. I will make Mama eat!"

"Young mistress…"

Caihong didn't respond to her intrusion. She kept reading her book.

The maid was more worried now.

How can you make her eat? If things are difficult for me, then it is impossible for you, young mistress. After all...your mother hates you.

The maid bowed and left.

The little girl ran, having two pigtails and wearing a blue dress, towards Caihong and tugged her. "Mama. If you don't eat, you will get weak."

Caihong remained impassive. After a few moments, she said, "Get out, Chyou."

Chyou's smile slightly faltered, but she kept standing beside her. Then she lifted the tray and brought it back to her. She took a spoonful of rice and raised her hand near her mouth. "Say ahh…"

No response.

"Mama, if you don't eat, you will get sick. Please eat, Mama."

Caihong closed her book and stared down at Chyou. She took the spoon from her hands.

Chyou's gaze brightened in delight, and she smiled.

But Caihong suddenly threw away the spoon, and it crashed on the floor with a loud bang.

The maid standing outside jolted in shock.

She sadly shook her head.

I knew this would happen. It is impossible for young mistress Chyou to convince her.

Chyou froze, hearing the sudden impact. The smile vanished from her face.

Caihong picked her book again and said without looking at her. "This is what happens when you try to cross your limits, Chyou. I think I made myself clear to you a number of times that I don't need you or your father. So, stay away from me. You live with him and leave me alone."

Chyou stood rooted at her place.

"We are just living under one roof together. But there is no family here. There will never be a family here. So, just forget that you ever had a mother. Hate me, curse me or curse your fate for having a mother like me - I don't care."

Chyou's small body trembled, and she tried hard not to cry.

"Mama…" she looked up at her, but Caihong didn't return that gaze.

"Will you never care for me? Will you never smile at me? I love Mama very much."

"No." Her answer was quick and straightforward, and equally harsh. She didn't even flinch at her daughter's trembling voice.

"D-did I do something wrong?"

They already had this conversation before, yet her answers never changed.

"No."

"So why?"

She coldly stared down at her. "Ask that question to your father."

"I-I did. He said one day, he will tell me for sure. But he cannot say it now."

Caihong shrugged. "Well then. Good luck waiting for that day."

Chyou lowered her head. She clenched her dress in her small fists. "Mama...can I ask you something?"

"No matter how many times you ask me if I would ever love or care about you, the answer is not going to change."

"But you were smiling with a boy today in school…"

Caihong frowned.

A boy?

Then she remembered that boy who she helped tie his shoelaces.

"Ho...so you were watching that. Yes, I was talking and smiling at him. So?"

"W-why? You helped him tie his shoelaces, but you never did that to me. Why can you smile at him and not at me, Mama?"

Caihong said, "Because he is not you."

Chyou felt her heart crush at her words.

"As long as it's not you and your father, I am a pretty decent person with everybody else. I have no reason to treat others the same as you."

It was the first time that Chyou ever saw her mother smile like that. She was talking so gently with that boy and was smiling and laughing with him as if he was her son.

That was the side of Caihong that she never saw before as long as she remembered.

There was no smile, no warmth, and no love in her eyes—just pure indifference.

The only words Chyou remembered were,

'I hate you.'

'Leave me alone.'

'Forget that you have a mother.'

But suddenly, that boy came out of nowhere and achieved something that she couldn't do in years no matter how much she tried.

Make her mother smile and love her. She even seemed to be teaching him something, and he was following her instructions.

And then she wondered.

When did Mama teach me anything like that?

She felt jealous of that boy.

But more than jealousy, as Chyou watched Caihong talking so naturally and lovingly to that boy that she always yearned for herself, she felt an indescribable sadness well inside her.

Because she wanted to be in his place so desperately.

Her jealousy and sadness made her furious at that boy, and before she knew it, she had already pushed him to the ground.

"Don't talk to my Mama again!"

That was the only thing she could say to that boy.

The door suddenly opened, and Xiaosi came in, looking coldly towards Caihong. His sight fell upon his shaking daughter, and he took a deep breath.

Caihong didn't bother.

"Chyou, please leave."

He narrowed his eyes.

"I need to talk to your mother."

********

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