Because I Cannot Hurt You

"Mama...Dada…" Siying cried hard. "Don't go. Siying will be a good boy now. Siying will always listen to Mama and Dada…"

"We don't want to hear you cry anymore! Leave us! First, you make a mistake. Then you cry. We are tired now. Mama and Dada cannot live with you anymore."

Their images faded away and Siying's eyes suddenly flew open. Sweat trickled down his forehead and he looked around in panic. The forest he saw just now and the voices he heard disappeared. He saw Xinyi sleeping to his right and Zhiyuan on his left. Xinyi's hand was gently resting on his chest.

His black irises watered and he was about to cry loudly, but he suddenly remembered his dream.

'We don't want to hear you cry anymore!'

He covered his mouth and gasped. Tears stained his cheeks and he tremblingly got up. He looked at Xinyi and then at Zhiyuan. His cheeks swelled as he held his urge to cry. He slowly trotted down the bed and walked towards the door. He tried to reach the doorknob as he stretched his hand, but with his small height, he couldn't.

But it wasn't too far.

So, he hopped up and down until he caught it. Hanging in the air with its support for a few seconds, he somehow twisted the knob. The door slightly opened and he jumped down again. Siying widened the gap and quickly slid out.

He found a corner and collapsed near a pillar as he silently bawled his eyes out. 

"Mama...Dada…" he sniffled and cried as he rubbed his eyes. 

He cried for a long time like that before he heard some footsteps.

"Huh? What are you crying here for?" Han Guang was taken aback. She was on her way to the kitchen for some water when she suddenly heard someone's soft cries.

Siying was startled by her sudden appearance. "Ma-Mama…"

She grimaced. "Don't talk about that woman in front of me!"

He jolted. Tears streamed even more vigorously than before. "Mama Dada…bad dweam...Mama Dada hurt…" he gasped. "Mama Dada not live with Siying anymore…"

She raised her brow and it finally struck her. Just a few hours ago, she got to know the whole mess that happened at the picnic. Seeing Siying's condition, she understood why he was sobbing like that. That incident had left a deep impression on his mind.

I see…

A dangerous glint flashed past her eyes. She sneered. "Of course Xinyi and Zhiyuan will leave you. Do you have any idea what you did? You almost killed your parents!"

Siying's tearful eyes blinked. "Kill?"

He didn't understand what that meant.

"Yes. Killed. It means to die and never come back."

He turned pale. 

"You see in cartoons right? The bad guy dies in the end and never returns? That is what I mean. Your Mama and Dada would have never returned alive. It was because of your stupid plan that Xinyi and Zhiyuan were going to die. Well, they didn't. But of course, it's your mistake!"

It's your mistake!

The words rang in Siying's ears again and again and the guilt in his heart increased even further.

Han Guang continued. "And that Xinyi tsk. Still acting as a loving and caring mother. After almost dying for good, she is smiling as if nothing happened. Do you know how badly she is angry at you?"

"No…" Siying cried. "Mama Dada said they not angry with Siying…They will not leave me…"

"Hah! Of course, they are lying! Who wouldn't be furious at you? They almost lost their lives and you expect them to still love you? They just don't want you clinging onto them like a pest and irritating them with your tears. That is fake! They hate you!"

He shook hard in fear.

"Especially Xinyi! You cannot believe anything she says," she sneered. "She just wants to act like a kind Goddess and show how great she is. Do you think any mother wouldn't be angry at what you did? There is a limit to which a parent can bear a child's tantrums. Of course, she blames you for getting her hurt. In her heart, she hates you for making her go through that mess."

"No...Mama not lie…" he gasped. "Mama loves me.."

"Oh please!" She snorted. "After this incident, she must be thinking how good it would be if she didn't have a son like you. Parents don't like kids who are too troublesome. And you have been nothing but trouble to Xinyi. Do you think she will love you? Never! Especially after how you planned to kill her! She doesn't want you anymore but she is helpless too," she sighed.

That was so traumatic to Siying's mind that he aligned her words with the dream he saw just now. In the dream too, Xinyi and Zhiyuan wanted to leave him and now Han Guang said the same thing.

His body violently shivered and he burst into tears even more.

"Siying!"

Han Guang stiffened as she heard Xinyi's voice coming from a distance. She narrowed her eyes and grabbed Siying's arm. He felt startled. "Heh. Don't tell her that I told you this. She will hate you, even more, hearing you talk bad about an elder. You don't want her to get any madder at you, right?"

His complexion turned ghastly pale.

She quickly left, not wanting Xinyi to see her with Siying.

"Siying?" Zhiyuan widened his eyes as he saw Siying sitting in a corner. Xinyi craned her neck and was stunned. 

"Siying!"

They rushed to his spot and found him crying. Xinyi quickly took him in her arms and anxiously asked, "Siying why are you crying? What happened? Tell Mama."

He was so afraid that his body couldn't stop trembling. Zhiyuan gave warm, gentle pats on his head. "Son. Tell us. Why are you here all alone?"

Zhiyuan and Xinyi were shocked to see Siying suddenly gone. The door was ajar, and they somehow figured he must have headed out by jumping up and down to catch the knob. His body was too small to drag a chair, and they would have heard the noise anyway. In a panic, they rushed out and saw Siying sobbing near a pillar.

"Siying, please tell me what happened dear…" Xinyi was getting more and more afraid. He refused to say anything. No matter how they tried, he only cried and said nothing.

The color from his small face was quickly fading away due to the extreme scare that Han Guang fed in his small mind. The only thing that flashed before his eyes as he saw his parents was how their concern was fake.

Xinyi is lying! She hates you now! She wants to leave you but she is helpless.

Seeing Xinyi turn pale, Zhiyuan quickly held her shoulder and shook his head. "It's okay, Xinyi. We will handle this. It won't help us if we panic too. Siying is already scared."

"B-But he is not saying anything, Zhiyuan. Why is he crying so much? He was better until he went to sleep but now suddenly he left the room on his own and is crying here."

"Calm down, Xinyi," he pulled her face in his chest and brushed his fingers through her hair. "We will not let anything happen to him, okay? It must be because of the picnic. He may be still in stress about it."

Xinyi looked down at his quivering son and hugged him. "Siying," she gently said, trying to coax her son, "Are you still thinking about what happened on the picnic?"

Siying clutched her nightdress and stiffened. Its mention riled him up.

She quickly said, "Siying, you don't have to think about it anymore. It's over, and I promise Mama and Dada are not mad at you at all."

She is lying! Han Guang's voice echoed in his mind.

Zhiyuan thought about something. He picked Siying in his arms. "I have an idea. Why don't we have a pastry party! Siying likes pastry a lot, right?"

Siying lowered his head and looked away.

Xinyi brightened. "En! How about I bake a small cake? It will be for Siying. Your favorite chocolate cake! A whole cake for Siying!"

They thought it was better to divert his attention away from the incident. But Siying didn't respond with his usual vigor as he used to at the mention of cakes.

Of course, they noticed it, but they had to do something. Zhiyuan chuckled. "Alright! Let's head to the kitchen then! We will bake the cake together!"

A while later, Xinyi brought a freshly baked cake out of the oven. She put an icing of his favorite cartoon character on the top and grinned. "See? Your favorite Scooby-doo! Isn't it pretty?"

Siying didn't respond. 

Zhiyuan coughed. "Can I have some?"

"No," she sternly said, "It's only for Siying."

Zhiyuan pouted. "Siying. Will you not share a little piece with your Dada?"

"No sharing!" She took out a slice and brought it near his mouth. The sweet smell wafted up to his nose. Siying had an urge to eat, but he still didn't move. He just buried his face in Zhiyuan's chest and quietly sniffled.

They hate you! It's all fake! It's your mistake!

He shut his eyes and sobbed harder.