Because I Cannot Hurt You

Zhiyuan's light feathery kisses peppered on Xinyi's cheeks. His hand wandered along her neck that brushed through her chest and waist. He lifted the hand that was intertwined with hers and softly pressed his lips on the back of her hand. He leaned down to peck her chin that ended up devouring her lips once again. As he stared in her beautiful black orbs, he felt as if he was being sucked inside by an endless void.

"Xinyi…" he whispered under his raspy breath, "Xinyi I…"

Xinyi's clouded eyes slowly fluttered open. His dark, intense gaze made her tremble.

For Zhiyuan, this was the moment. He wanted to pour out all his feelings to her that he realized and confessed when she was unconscious. The overwhelming emotions were gushing out and he wanted her to know them. He wanted her to know the place she held in his heart and how much he loved her.

"I…"

The words were on the tip of his tongue. But he felt a strange trepidation making his heart jump in his chest. The jitters and nervousness made his hair tingle. The adrenaline pumping in them after such a life-threatening incident made them crave for each other's warmth. The need for an assurance made them desire each other.

But was it good enough to just say it out right now? He wondered. 

Xinyi was special to him and he wanted the moment to be equally special between them when he would lay out all his feelings bare to her with no inhibitions. He didn't want any adrenaline or confusion to influence her decision or give a momentary rush to her feelings. 

And that scared him. After so many things that happened today, she may get overwhelmed by his sudden confession. She may get emotional and even accept his feelings momentarily, but what about the time when everything would settle down and she realized that she made haste?

He didn't wish to hear one day that it was a misunderstanding.

Zhiyuan inwardly shook his head. 

There is no need to rush. We have been friends for so long. I need to make a place in her heart as a husband. I don't want to scare her…

"Zhiyuan…" his wife's soft voice brought him out of his deep thoughts. He lowered his gaze at her and warmly smiled.

En. I want to make that moment the most memorable for us, Xinyi. The happiest and the most unforgettable memory of our life. Tonight is not the time…

He tenderly held her cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He shifted to his side and enveloped Xinyi in his arm, tightly closer to his chest. His other arm caught her waist. "I have a lot of things to say to you, Xinyi and I want to make it really special. That's why, please wait for me a little bit. Please?"

Xinyi smiled and nodded. Zhiyuan kissed her hair and rested his chin on top of her head. "Good night, Xinyi."

"Good night, Zhiyuan."

---

In the other hut where Xiaosi and Caihong stayed the night, Caihong couldn't get a wink of sleep. She flipped on her side and saw Xiaosi leaning his head and his back on the wall with his eyes shut. For the first time, Caihong asked him to sleep on the bed, but he stubbornly refused her offer and simply sat near the wall.

She stared at him for a long time, maybe trying to learn his intentions or maybe trying to read his heart. 

She shifted a bit and a dull pain shot in her ankle. She silently mouthed an 'Ow' and rubbed her foot.

"Your choice. Be stuck here or let me pick you up."

Caihong froze. A part of her memories suddenly flashed past her mind. It was of those days when they were young in college.

In that memory, she had sprained her foot just like how it did today.

In that memory, a twenty-year-old Xiaosi had said the same thing to her just like he said today…

*Nine years back*

"Ow!" 

As Caihong was hurrying towards her class, she suddenly tripped into something and twisted her foot. As she fell on the floor, a few girls in the same class as her snickered at her.

"Oh Caihong, are you hurt?"

"That's why you should be careful. Your head seems to be in a cloud these days just because you are dating Han Zhiyuan."

"That's why you should be a little mindful of how you behave."

Caihong narrowed her eyes. Instead of getting furious, she smiled at them. "I am fine. Thanks for your concern. You can head back. I don't want you all to get late because of me."

The girls felt a bit irritated by her response. They harrumphed and left. They wanted to make a scene out of it, but it failed to provoke Caihong.

They stopped as they heard her say, "By the way, you are not gonna get Zhiyuan or any man for that matter by such petty tricks. Focus on your future instead of drowning in jealousy."

"You!" Their faces turned red in embarrassment and they fled away. 

Caihong snorted. As she tried to get up, she saw a figure loom over her. "Hey, Xiaosi!" She brightly smiled.

Xiaosi shook his head. "What a damsel in distress."

"Shut up."

He chuckled. "Your choice. Be stuck here or let me pick you up."

Caihong frowned. "Why should I be stuck here when you are here to help me?"

"Well if your boyfriend saw me picking up his lovely girlfriend in my arms, my next destination could be very well the hospital. So I wondered if you are waiting for Zhiyuan."

Caihong smacked him on his knee. "Do you think Zhiyuan would be so narrow-minded?"

"Love changes everyone," he smiled and bent towards her as he whispered, "If it was me, I would surely get hell jealous if somebody held you."

She blinked her eyes. "Huh? Me?"

"I mean my future girlfriend."

"Oh I see…" she chuckled. "Your future girlfriend will have a really possessive boyfriend."

"Indeed."

"Anyway. Will you pick me up now? It's hurting," she pouted.

"You would just let those girls go?"

She shrugged. "Not worth my time."

Xiaosi quietly stared at her. Caihong flicked his forehead. "You look like you're planning something really bad."

"Hmm? Who knows?" He smiled mysteriously.

Xiaosi picked her up. "Next time call me instead of trying to get up by yourself."

She smiled. "But Zhiyuan will be there with me the next time."

His eyelashes trembled and he looked away. "...I hope he wouldn't," he had whispered ever so faintly.

*Present*

Caihong jolted as the memory ended. She looked at Xiaosi and a strange feeling welled in her chest. It was confusing and somehow painful.

There was an aching throb that brought tears to her eyes and she didn't know why. Or maybe she did. The events that were fuzzy in her mind became crystal clear. She distinctly remembered the expression on his face, the faraway look in his eyes that had tugged his lips up into a grieving smile. He had whispered something that she couldn't hear.

Caihong's heart was in a mess. Xiaosi always had such a kind heart. He was always such a good friend.

Then at what point did everything change between them?

"Xiaosi…" she faintly called out his name.

"Hm?"

She got startled by his response. She thought he was sleeping.

Xiaosi slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. Caihong was stumped for words for a moment. He got up and walked towards her. He checked on her ankle and asked, "Is it painful? I will call Elder Sun."

"No, wait," she held his wrist to stop him. Xiaosi paused and stared at her in silence, waiting for her to speak.

"I don't understand."

"What?"

"You. I don't understand you."

Xiaosi raised his brow. "You don't need to understand me."

"I feel I do because you confuse me."

"Are we having a philosophical conversation now? Wait. Are we having a conversation in the first place?"

She stayed quiet.

"This has happened before, right? In college. I had sprained my foot because some girls made me trip. You came to help me and had asked the same question to me at that time."

Xiaosi narrowed his eyes.

"It was around nine years ago, I think. Do you remember?"

"I do."

If it's about you, I would never forget a single memory, Caihong. They are painful but they are precious to me.

Caihong was taken aback. She really didn't expect him to remember it.

"Are you sure?"

"Do you know my brain better than me? Your point of bringing that up?"

She said, "When you were taking me to the infirmary, you seemed suddenly sad for some reason. I just remembered it now. You also whispered something that I couldn't hear."

Xiaosi said nothing.

"Why were you sad?"

Silence.

"What had you said at that time?"

Silence.

"Xiaosi, are you hiding something?"