Back Then, I Adored You

Gu Yusheng, who could hear paper being flipped through on the other end of the call, knew what Qin Zhi’ai was doing but did not make a sound to disrupt her. It was only when she called his name that he said “hmm” gently to let her know that he was still there.

Qin Zhi’ai turned her head again, after staring at the letter that she had laid out in front of her. It was only then that she vocalized the doubt in her heart. She asked, “Yusheng, are you… Mr. S?”

“Hm.” Gu Yusheng exhaled smoke into the mouthpiece, which muffled his subsequent “yes,” but it did not go unheard.

It was not that Qin Zhi’ai had never been curious about Mr. S’s identity, but she had never imagined that the person she had been corresponding with for eight years would be Gu Yusheng, the person whom she had loved and desired for so many years.

He was the one who had first written to her. Initially, she had not replied, but he had continued to tirelessly send her multiple letters based on his own wishful thinking. As such, she had always wondered if her fate with Mr. S was because of his deliberate intentions toward her.

Qin Zhi’ai subconsciously asked, “Did you know it was me when you wrote those letters back then?”

This time, the response that Gu Yusheng gave Qin Zhi’ai was not reticent. “I never would have written those letters if you hadn’t been the one receiving them.”

The implication is that he only wrote those letters because he was writing them to me.

It appears that what I thought of as fate bestowed by heaven was in fact the result of someone else’s deliberate effort.

This gift came too suddenly, so suddenly that Qin Zhi’ai remained silent on her end for a long while.

Gu Yusheng did not wait for Qin Zhi’ai to speak. He took two drags on his cigarette and continued to speak after making a mental outline. “Back then, I really wanted to know if you were doing well, but I didn’t have the guts to approach you, so… that’s what I came up with a way to keep in touch with you.”

“Xiao’ai, whether you believe it or not, I really had the intention of remaining in Beijing as a student instead of going into the military. But you know about my parents’ situation at that time. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about you—in fact, I cared too much. But at the same time, I lacked confidence, so I pushed you out of my world.

“And it’s not that I deliberately forgot about you either. If I had known that I was the person you had liked all along, I would never have forgotten you no matter what.”

With only two weeks before her due date, Gu Yusheng held back on all that he wanted to say. The words in his head were “I initially intended to reveal these things to you when we got married”; however, he ended up telling her out loud, “So please don’t blame me. I’m telling you about all this because I want you to understand that it was not like I didn’t do anything at all back when you were in love with me without reciprocation, and that was not all I did to remain in your world.”

Right, he had done other things to remain in touch with me back in those years, back when I was in love with him without reciprocation.

He had also used other methods to enter my world silently and has remained by my side for so many years.

This revelation made Qin Zhi’ai speechless. Her nose began to twitch, and her eyes became damp. She mulled it over for a while and, at last, she could only encompass everything she wanted to say into two syllables. “Yusheng…”