Chapter 55: #FIFTY-FIVE

Nicholas’s POV

I hadn’t planned on following Jayden anywhere.

When he’d suggested getting out for a while instead of walking straight home, I’d only agreed because I couldn’t bear the thought of returning to that mansion with everything still replaying inside my head.

I only needed some sort of distraction.

Jayden led me into the crowded bar, and I was immediately hit with the strong smell of whiskey and smoke. Bodies twisted under the strobe lights, and I could feel the bass of the music thrumming and thumping under my feet.

This was... overwhelming to say in the least.

As he led me deeper into the bar, I wrapped both hands around myself. "I don’t think I’m in the mood."

"I know you’re not."

"Then why are we here?" I frowned.

"Because if I’d taken you somewhere quiet, you’d have spent the whole time thinking about what happened today. At least here you’ll have to focus on something else. The music is drowning every other thing."

I looked around the room before letting out a quiet sigh. "Right."

Regardless of how many times he insisted though, I refused to join those on the dance floor. It just seemed incredibly overwhelming and I just wanted to sit, maybe get a drink or two.

Later, while we were taking a break with cold drinks in hand, someone from a nearby table wandered over and greeted us. He seemed to recognize Jayden from one of his classes and chatted casually for a minute before his attention shifted toward me.

"I don’t think we’ve met before," he said with an easy smile. "I’m surprised. I feel like I’d remember seeing you around."

"I’m Nicholas." I smiled slightly, sensing that he was trying to be nice.

Overly nice.

"Nice to meet you." He stretched out a hand and I took it, noting how his grip tightened around mine, thumb gently rubbing in circles on my skin.

Oh.

He was attractive. I wasn’t blind or anything — it was just... I wasn’t just in the mood for flirting of any kind.

"You should join us for a bit," he suggested, gesturing toward the table where his friends were sitting. "We’re planning to stay here for a few more hours."

Before I could answer, Jayden quietly looked in my direction as though leaving the decision entirely up to me.

I offered the student a small apologetic smile. "Thanks for asking, but I think we’ll pass."

"You sure?" He waited patiently, giving me a once over.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"No problem." He shrugged good-naturedly. "Maybe another time."

After he returned to his friends, Jayden raised an eyebrow. "You didn’t even think about it. He was cute."

I sighed. "I wasn’t really interested."

"You could’ve gone if you wanted."

"I didn’t want to."

He studied me for a second before nodding slowly. "I guess today isn’t really a day for meeting new people."

"Definitely not." I agreed.

Eventually I rested my drink on the table and glanced toward him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead." He nodded, waiting for me.

For a second, I paused, then I spoke. "You skipped the rest of your classes because of me."

"I did." He nodded, like this wasn’t a big deal.

"Won’t that cause problems? I mean... attendance, assignments, professors..."

Jayden waved the concern away before I could continue. "I’ll survive one afternoon. Classes happen every week, notes can be borrowed, assignments can be caught up on and lectures can be reviewed later. Right now I was more concerned about making sure you didn’t spend the rest of the day walking around by yourself."

I looked down at my drink. "You didn’t have to do that."

Jayden smiled before reaching over and briefly pressing a kiss to my forehead, the gesture so quick that it caught me completely off guard.

I blinked at him. "...What was that for?"

He looked just as confused by my reaction. "What? You looked like you were about to start blaming yourself again. It’s not a big deal, is it?"

I laughed awkwardly, but the question refused to leave my head as we started making our way towards the exit.

Maybe I was overthinking it. Friends comforted each other in different ways, didn’t they? It didn’t have to mean anything. After everything that had happened that day, maybe my brain was simply trying to find meaning where there wasn’t any.

By the time I reached the gates of the Blackthorne mansion, the sky had already begun to darken.

Jayden stopped a few steps behind me, slipping both hands into his pockets as he looked up at the massive building before turning his attention back to me. "I guess this is where I leave you."

I nodded. "...Yeah."

For a moment, neither of us said anything.

He smiled faintly before speaking again. "Try not to spend the entire night overthinking today. I know that’s easier said than done, but sitting alone with your thoughts usually makes everything seem worse than it actually is."

"I’ll try." I tried to force a smile.

"And if tomorrow feels just as bad..." He shrugged casually. "Call me. Even if we don’t do anything exciting, it’s better than locking yourself away somewhere."

I managed a small nod. "Thanks... for today."

Jayden looked sheepish. "You don’t have to thank me."

With that, he lifted a hand in farewell before turning around and heading back down the road. I stood there for another few seconds, watching until he disappeared around the corner, then took a deep breath and pushed open the gate.

I quietly removed my shoes and walked further into the house, hoping I could make it upstairs before running into anyone.

No such luck.

"You’re finally home." I froze and saw that Elijah was sitting alone in the living room.

He had been waiting for me.

The moment our eyes met, he stood up. "We need to talk."

A frown pulled at my lips. "I don’t."

"Nicholas..."

"I’m tired." I tried to brush him off.

"You’ve been gone all day and I’ve been trying to call you."

"I know. I kinda saw everything." My scowl deepened.

He sighed. "My messages—"

"I saw them." I cut him off.

His shoulders dropped. "So you ignored them."

I looked away. "What did you expect?"

Elijah rubbed a hand over the back of his neck before speaking again, choosing his words much more carefully this time. "I know you’re angry. You have every right to be angry. I would’ve come after you at school, but by the time I changed my mind and got through the crowd, you’d already disappeared. I’ve been waiting here ever since because I didn’t want today to end without talking to you."

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing, and the sound that came out of my mouth was bitter enough to surprise even me. "Talking?"

He took a deep breath. "Yes."

"Now you want to talk?"

"Nicholas..." He started.

"No." I shook my head before he could continue. "You had your chance."

His expression twisted. "I know."

"No, you don’t." I wagged a finger at him to shush him.

"I do."

"You really don’t." I stepped closer, unable to keep the frustration inside any longer. "You stood there while everyone looked at me like I was some disgusting person. The professor didn’t let me explain. The principal didn’t let me explain. Students I’d never spoken to before were whispering about me right in front of my face, and the entire time you just..." I stopped, swallowing the lump in my throat before forcing the rest of the words out. "...stood there."

"I froze." He threw his hands up in frustration. "I kept trying to say something."

"But you didn’t."

"I—"

"You didn’t." Every time I repeated those words, they came out harsher. "You watched me take all the blame."

"I never wanted that."

I jabbed a finger at him. "But that’s what happened." I pointed toward the front door. "Now you know."

His eyes never left mine. "I’ve replayed it over and over since it happened. I should’ve spoken. I should’ve stopped the principal. I should’ve told everyone she was wrong before she finished speaking. By the time I realized what was happening, everything had spiralled."

I barked out a bitter laugh. "And you expect that to make me feel better?"

His voice lowered. "No."

"Good." I folded my arms tightly across my chest. "Because it doesn’t."

He took a cautious step toward me. "I’m just asking you to let me explain what was going through my head."

"I don’t care what was going through your head." I snapped at him.

For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Then I walked around him. "I’m going upstairs."

He tried to stop me. "Nicholas."

I raised a hand. "I don’t want to hear another word."

He froze. "I deserve that."

"You deserve worse." Those words left my mouth before I had time to soften them.

I heard him exhale quietly behind me, but he didn’t stop me again.

I climbed the staircase two steps at a time, eager to get away from him before I changed my mind.

Halfway upstairs, Adrian was leaning against the hallway wall with his arms folded. He looked from me to Elijah and back again. "So..." he began carefully, "...I take it the conversation didn’t go well."

I barely looked at him. "Move."

His brows knitted together. "Nicholas, we’re worried about you."

I let out another bitter laugh. "Now you are."

"What does that mean?"

Anger rose in me. "It means all of you suddenly want to talk after everything that’s happened."

Adrian scowled. "We’ve wanted to talk since yesterday."

"Sure." I laughed. "Because interrogation counts."

He tried again. "Nicholas."

"I said move."

Adrian hesitated before stepping aside. As I walked past him, he called after me. "We’re not your enemies."

I didn’t bother responding.

A few seconds later my bedroom door slammed shut loudly enough for the sound to echo through the hallway and I locked it.

Almost immediately there was a knock.

"Nicholas?" Cassian’s voice sounded.

"I know you’re upset," he said through the door, "but at least let us know you’re alright. You don’t even have to open the door. Just answer."

I remained sitting on the floor with my back against the bed and I didn’t answer him either.

The next day passed almost exactly the same way.. I ignored every knock as breakfast came and went. Someone left water outside my door twice but I didn’t touch it until the hallway had fallen quiet again.

By evening another knock echoed through the room.

"Nicholas." Elijah came again, but I remained silent. "Nicholas, open the door."

I still didn’t answer. "I know you’re inside." He sighed and his voice became firmer. "You’ve barely eaten since yesterday. If you don’t open this door, I’m going to force it open."

I frowned. "You wouldn’t."

His tone held a note of conviction. "I would."

The determination in his voice made me hesitate.. If he actually broke the door down, everyone in the mansion would come running. The last thing I wanted was another spectacle.

With an annoyed sigh, I stood up, unlocked the door and pulled it open to see that Elijah was standing there holding a tray.

Neither of us spoke and he looked exhausted.

Without attempting to step inside, he simply held the tray toward me. "I brought you dinner."

I crossed my hands. "I’m not hungry."

He waited until I reluctantly took the tray from his hands before speaking again. "You don’t have to forgive me." I kept my eyes on the food. "You don’t even have to look at me. But... please eat."

He didn’t wait for an answer, he simply turned around and walked away.

I watched him disappear down the hallway before quietly closing the door again.

I placed the tray on the desk and for several minutes I only stared at it. Then my stomach growled, only then did I realize just how hungry I actually was, so I sat down and began eating.

By the time I finished, not a single grain of rice remained on the plate and I leaned back in my chair, letting out a slow breath.

But I hadn’t forgiven Elijah. Not yet.