Chapter 132: ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-TWO

Author’s POV

The weather was grim by the time they arrived at the hospital.

Nicholas stood in front of his mother’s grave with his brothers around him, but he barely noticed anyone else.

None of it made any sense. People were talking and someone had their hand around his shoulder, but he felt numb to it all. His eyes stayed fixed on the coffin as it was lowered into the ground.

His mother’s coffin.

The woman who had raised him, protected him and spent years believing she had built a safe home for them was now being lowered into the earth because of a man she had trusted.

Nicholas’s face crumpled as he took a step forward, but Adrian caught his arm gently and Nicholas didn’t try to pull away. He simply stood there crying as the final arrangements were made, his shoulders shaking so badly that Elijah moved closer and put an arm around him.

When it was finally over, Nicholas remained standing there long after everyone else had stopped moving, staring at the grave. "Mom..." His voice barely carried before he wiped his face and looked at the ground. "I failed her. I was supposed to protect her. She— she wasn’t supposed to be there. I couldn’t even get her out of that warehouse."

Cassian sighed. "It’s okay."

Nicholas turned toward him, his face twisted with grief. "I should have done more. I should have found her sooner. I should have stopped him before he ever got the chance to put a gun against her. She trusted me to be there for her, and when she needed me, I couldn’t protect her."

Elijah stepped closer. "Nicholas, your mother knew you loved her. That was never the part she doubted."

Nicholas looked back at the grave. "It doesn’t change what happened. Look where it got her."

No one answered him and for a while, they simply stood there. Eventually, Nicholas looked at his brothers and quietly asked, "Can I stay here for a while?"

Adrian studied his face before nodding. "Of course."

The brothers slowly moved away, giving him the space he had asked for.

Nicholas sat down beside the grave. He didn’t care that the ground was damp or that his clothes would get dirty. He simply sat there with his knees drawn up and stared at the name written on the headstone.

His mother’s name.

It was strange seeing it there. She had always been so alive to him that he couldn’t make himself connect the name to a grave. He kept expecting her to come from somewhere behind him and ask why he was sitting on the ground.

He gave a small, broken laugh. "You’d probably yell at me if you saw this. You always hated when I sat on the floor. You’d tell me to stop acting like I didn’t have a perfectly good chair somewhere." His voice trembled as he wiped his eyes. "I used to think you were just being annoying. I’d give anything to hear you say it now."

There was no answer and he felt stupid.

Nicholas lowered his head as he stayed there anyway, telling her things he hadn’t been able to say while she was alive. He told her he was sorry. He told her he loved her. He told her he wished he had spent more time with her instead of being angry about things that seemed important at the time.

"I should’ve listened more," he whispered. "I should’ve stayed home more. I should’ve called you when I was away. I thought we had time." His voice cracked as he stared at the grave. "I thought there would always be more time."

Clouds slowly gathered overhead and Nicholas didn’t notice at first. The first drop landed on his hand, and he looked down before another fell against his cheek. Within minutes, the rain began to come down properly.

From a distance, Elijah immediately noticed. "We should get him an umbrella."

Cassian looked toward Nicholas, who was still sitting beside the grave. "He asked to be alone."

"The rain is getting heavier."

Cassian glanced at him. "Then let him be."

Elijah frowned. "Cassian—"

"Just for today. Let him be."

Adrian looked over at them, then toward Nicholas, but he didn’t say anything.

None of them went to get him an umbrella. They knew that wasn’t what he needed now.

Nicholas stayed where he was as the rain soaked through his clothes. He barely seemed to notice the cold. He simply kept talking to his mother, his voice becoming quieter as the rain drowned out most of his words.

By the time the rain stopped, the cemetery had become quiet again. Nicholas remained there for several minutes before finally getting to his feet and looking at the grave one last time. "I’ll come back."

Then he walked toward his brothers.

Elijah immediately looked him over. His clothes were soaked, his hair was dripping, and his face was exhausted. "You look terrible."

Nicholas gave him a tired look. "Thanks."

Elijah almost smiled. "You’re welcome."

Then they left the cemetery together.

Dinner was already prepared when they returned home, but Nicholas barely touched his food. He pushed it around his plate for several minutes without eating more than a few bites.

When he couldn’t take another bite, he put the fork down. "That’s enough."

Elijah looked at his plate and nodded. "Okay."

Nicholas didn’t look up. "I need to get some rest."

No one argued as they watched Nicholas go upstairs.

As soon as he got into his room, he changed into clean clothes, climbed into bed and pulled the blanket over himself.

He wanted to sleep. But sleep seemed so far away. He turned onto one side, then the other. He stared at the ceiling, closed his eyes and opened them again. Every time he started drifting off, his mind dragged him back to the cemetery, back to the grave, back to his mother.

Eventually, his exhaustion won and Nicholas fell asleep.

Then he saw it. Their old kitchen. It felt so real. He looked around, wondering what was happening as he noticed his mother by the stove, complaining about something.

Nicholas stared at her. She looked exactly the way he remembered her.

She was...alive.

He stood there for several seconds without saying anything before his mother turned around. "What are you staring at?"

Nicholas’s lips parted. "Mom?"

She frowned at him. "What?"

He took a hesitant step toward her. "Mum, is that you?"

She stared at him for a second before laughing. "Who else would I be?"

Nicholas blinked, his eyes filling with tears and she shook her head, amused. "Don’t be silly. Come and eat before everything gets cold."

Nicholas looked at the table and smiled through his tears. "You’re really here."

His mother gave him a strange look. "Of course I’m here. What happened to you?"

Nicholas walked toward her as happiness bloomed in his chest.

He sat at the table, and she placed food in front of him while complaining that he had become too thin and wasn’t taking care of himself properly, making him laugh. "I missed you."

His mother paused. "You saw me yesterday."

Nicholas stared at her. He couldn’t explain why those words hurt.

Before he could answer, the room slowly began to fade and his mother’s voice became distant. "Nicholas?"

He panicked and reached for her. "Mom."

The kitchen disappeared and Nicholas’s eyes opened. He sat upright in bed, breathing heavily and for a few seconds, he stared into the darkness.

Oh fuck.

The dream had felt so real that he had almost forgotten she was gone.

Nicholas covered his face with both hands and cried quietly.

After several minutes, he finally got out of bed. He looked at the time on his phone and frowned. It was still dark outside, but he had assumed it was morning. It felt like he had slept for hours and hours, but the time on the screen told him otherwise.

He left his room and slowly walked downstairs. He reached the living room and stopped when he saw someone sitting there.

Elijah.

Elijah looked up from his phone. "Nicholas?"

Nicholas rubbed his eyes. "Why are you awake?"

Elijah glanced at the clock. "It’s not morning."

Nicholas frowned. "What?"

"It’s still the middle of the night."

Nicholas looked toward the clock himself. His eyes widened. He had indeed barely slept for a few hours.

Elijah put his phone down and looked at him carefully. "You just went to sleep."

Nicholas stood there silently and Elijah leaned back against the sofa. "Come sit down. You look like you’ve seen a ghost."

Nicholas swallowed. "I saw Mom."

Elijah’s expression changed. "You what?"

"In my dream," Nicholas added quietly. "She was alive." Nicholas looked toward the dark windows. "For a few minutes, I forgot she was dead."

His voice cracked and he looked up at Elijah. "And then I woke up. I miss my mother so much, Elijah. I don’t know what to do."