Chapter 625: Passion Burning With Wrath.

“Passion. If I were to describe my experience with the step of wrath, then it would be passion. Passion allows your mind and heart to burn with an undying fire. This fire fuels your flame, claws, and wings, and it keeps you afloat when wounds cover your body, and you feel the limits of your strength crippling your mind and energy. Passion and my sense of duty—my pride as Kargryxmor’s firstborn—allowed me to do what was necessary during the Civil War,” Father explained from behind me as I meditated on the experiences of today. My body ached from being turned into a fossil by Nong’s incomprehensible attack, but my mind felt clearer than ever.

Passion? If I have to focus on one passion, then it’s to show Nong he’s fucking wrong… but that’s not it. That’s the ragebait. The anger is speaking through me, right now.

“Passion creates emotions. It makes you care. Nihilism is the death of our race, which is why passion is needed. Passion and wrath aren’t the same—as you have seen for yourself—but passion does make it easier to feel wrath. However, you can feel passionate but composed; apathy, all while you scream at the world. The latter is emotional burnout, when you believe even your tantrums would fall on deaf ears. It is frustrating and tiring. You don’t want to feel like it matters, but you still feel irritated that nobody cares about your existence. Passion represents your existence in this world when it comes to your ego and self-consciousness.”

And passion gives rise to both creativity and drive. Passion is indispensable for an idol or anybody in the creative industry. Without it, you would start churning out slop to sell to the majority’s consensus.

I then felt Father’s hands grab my shoulders, now hearing him speaking softly above my head. “Wrath represents your motivation to act on your gluttony and greed, whereas lust determines how far you wish to go to fulfill them. You yearn to obtain what you need and want, and your wrath is that passion to drive you forward. If you cannot obtain what you yearn for, that wrath becomes anger and hatred, causing you to misdirect your rage upon others and your surroundings. Sloth is there to anchor you; to remind you that you can be satisfied with what you currently have and calm your wrath. Just now, though, your brother showed you the limits of your lust and sloth. ‘I cannot obtain what I yearn for,’ and ‘this threatens my sloth,’ you thought, no? Those two unfulfilled sins revealed your true wrath, and that fuels your motivation… or an unceasing wish to show your brother that he is wrong. That is what the wrath step wishes you to reveal and then control.”

‘I want to punch him in the face, all right,’ Hikari murmured from behind. Her frustration from getting scorched by Nong, unable to show off her one-month training to him, kept my lividness aflame.

“To maintain one’s passion without letting that motivation burn one down into cinders, all while ensuring that sloth does not smother it entirely, is the way to properly use [Battle Frenzy]. You must find and control this wrath of yours before facing your covetous ‘unself’ in envy, and the walls of your ego and self-respect in your pride,” Father explained before letting go of my shoulders and taking a step back. “Your training up until now was meant to break down that composure of yours. I told you that I appreciated how mentally mature you are, but for your training, it is a detriment. Why? Because you need to ask yourself why exactly you are training. Is it purely for survival? To protect your ‘sloth’? To never reexperience a bad memory? Slow down. Nong had driven your emotional state to a high, and now you must use it to reflect on yourself. As you did for every other step.”

In other words, I was emotionally charged right now. Like somebody just got rejected from an important job or lost a video game match you were heavily invested in. Some showed their distress through tears, and some would release that pent-up stress through violence and destruction. Of course, there were more ways. Everybody had their own manner of relieving anxiety and frustration.

In my case, I’ve experienced both letting out tears and curling my hands into fists in moments of high tension. Both as Hikari and Hestia.

After all, as Hikari, how could I forget that time when I smashed my violin into pieces after being rejected by another idol company for the bajillionth time? It was Mama’s gift to me after she acknowledged my talents as a violinist, and in a blind rage, I reduced that memory and hers into splinters and rebounding projectiles. And in guilt and frustration, I crumbled up into a crying fetus.

Or, how about as Hestia? Definitely, when I witnessed Eshe’s and Akast’s deaths, ‘cause I felt guilty. If I had only hurried, I could have reached them in time to heal them, yet I came too late. The light in their eyes vanished before me, letting out one last breath. Their Profile disappeared when I used [Mana Eyes], replaced by a simple description as a corpse. My tears flowed before anger consumed me.

I killed that envy demonkin when [Battle Frenzy] reached the major stage for the first time after seeing Eshe’s last moment, while I nearly killed the cardinal vicar of the Church of Aurena when I chose to save Rajah over Akasht. In those two moments, I felt weak. Not just physically, but also mentally.

Nong saw through me and touched where he knew it would hurt. Yes, he was right. Of course, I would feel less intense emotions if somebody I hadn’t met or knew the name of died during a battle I caused. I could only show respect for their sacrifice when we fought off the WWEE to protect our home. I understood that if Nong, my siblings, or my parents were to die, I would break down.

That anger would consume me, and I would charge in as I had in the last two times. Nong understood this, probably from our time on the glacier, or maybe one of my friends had mentioned it to him. Regardless, he could guess what I would do, and he feared it would send me to my death.

‘That is not the main motivation. Nong’s worry, taunts, and provocations were not the real reason why we went wild there. However, something he said did trigger our boiling point,’ Hikari said as my consciousness shrank into itself. I could not hear Father, nor could I feel the warmth coming from the dungeon’s artificial sun.

The only stimulus around right now was my own thoughts and Hikari’s mumbling.

The answer is what he said just before we had that thought echo: he wanted to send Tasianna, Shay, and Beth to the front line. Their ability to cast true ice makes them far more effective at killing leviathans and adamantoises.

‘Yeah, and he argued that our role is better suited to the backline. Which isn’t wrong. Healing and supporting everybody—that’s our best niche in this large-scale battle. In a clash between giant lizards and fish, wouldn’t it be better for the best buffer to stay in the back? We already did it once against Vifi.’

Can’t argue against it. In a traditional RPG, we would have to change classes to a pure healer and buffer for the ideal strategy.

‘So why did it trigger us? Nong spoke the truth.’

It’s because he spoke the truth that it stung.

The reason why I blew up on Nong and entered [Battle Frenzy (Major)] was ‘cause I hated the fact that it wasn’t my decision to do so. At least, that was what I believed, as thinking about it kept me livid.

Nong ordered me while telling me how weak I was and then even showing me the tactical gap between us, but it felt more like I had a terrible matchup against Nong. As I relied on my spell songs to overcome odds, neutralizing them felt like using anti-magic runes to counter a mage. Was a master mage weak for being specifically countered? Some would see it that way, but I didn’t. Was the Prince of Envy weak just ‘cause my soul fully countered [Original Sin: Yaldabaoth] and had an entire plan developed to take advantage of it to heal Mom’s soul, as well?

Hell no.

Nong didn’t prove anything to me outside of the fact that he was a master ambusher and knew how to counter me. He even said himself that I needed Neill, Ryra, and Aurora to fight against him, and instead of allowing us to show teamwork, he decided to isolate me.

‘Which, respectfully, is the correct maneuver. Kill the healer first. Kill the buffer first.’

Correct. In a real fight, that would be what everybody would be doing. Nong wanted to show me this reality. Everybody would want to gang up on me and eliminate me under Quasdrakeen’s order. I know that. Doesn’t mean I can’t feel frustrated, right?

When the kettle that was my emotional state reached its limit, words I said in the past echoed in my head and pulled the trigger. “I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to leave either of you two. I want to master [Battle Frenzy] to make it my own so that I would never hurt anybody I love. I’m terrified of hurting either of you, but I don’t want to become a burden… by isolating myself.” That was the full quote of what I had said back then.

Up until now, I couldn’t recall what I had said word for word, but I did remember I had broken down after my first [Battle Frenzy (Moderate)] incident. I wanted to leave Saori and Tasianna for their sake, as back then, we had only just left the Belzac Forest. I didn’t know if I could learn to control [Battle Frenzy], and I was afraid of potentially hurting them by blacking out like a berserker. Back then, I was stronger than both of them combined.

However, the tables had turned at this point. I was lagging. Tasianna grew leaps and bounds, while I heard Saori had already evolved into a rank A. I was stuck as a “weakling” in my own party. I used to be the strongest, able to shoulder everybody’s burden in battles. Outside of the battle with Vifi, I’ve always been the headliner during our battles in Altrust, but now… I’ve been reduced to a supportive role.

And while I didn’t mind it back then, Nong’s words made me second-guess my worth. Against Maustoovaka, I was beyond useless, reduced to a mere damsel in distress to be saved by Fehrkatruk’s father, who died to protect me. In the glaciers, I did have a more active role in taking down the greater elementals and destabilizing the elemental emperor before casting a true holy healing spell to heal everybody. But it was still a supportive role. I couldn’t directly fight the elemental emperor, unlike Tasianna when she “broke out of her cocoon as a butterfly.”

… I see.

And then it clicked once more. The puzzle pieces in my brain began combining into one picture. This was the enlightenment.

‘Our motivation is the same here, Hestia. Our wrath is the same.’

When this realization came to be, my narrow consciousness returned to normal. I could feel a cool breeze caressing my skin while the sound of waves and fluttering leaves tickled my ears.

“Remember.” I heard Father speak. “Passion doesn’t need to be static, unlike your other sins. They are the building blocks of your sense of self. Wrath is like a fire, and it will flicker brightly until it consumes everything around it. When it dies, a new flame will rise, unrelated to the other. What is important is that you understand what drives you now and use it before it dies, all while ensuring that it never burns you. Keep the flame alive, but never allow it to grow into an inferno.”

Hikari. Activate it.

‘Ready… Ruthal mirsk gafuug’tal.’

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“Uuurrgh!” I groaned as my body temperature rose. My scales lit up neon white while my scale-dust started to ignite, creating a shroud of flames around me.

‘Fuck! Arrrghhhhhhh… get going, HESTIA!’ Hikari shouted, yet instead of devolving into a damnable banshee shrieking inside my head, I could feel her sanity in her words.

I looked into my mental world, seeing my other standing up like a shaking signpost. Her entire body was trembling, acting like an outlet for Hikari as anger flooded her mind. Her bloodshot eyes glared at me, ready to pop out of her skull, all while her flushed face was becoming redder than my scales.

The expression she had made me think of somebody trying to keep it together despite being shouted at by an overbearing boss, dismissing all their effort to belittle them. All while the recipient was trying to hold back a full bladder and a throbbing headache still around from waking up too early after four hours of sleep. Stress couldn’t even describe this.

‘Briiiipululululu! Bahahhahaha! Get a fucking move on, you bitch!’ Hikari shouted, chasing me out of our mental world with the kerfuffling cries of a dodo bird.

“How are you?” Father pulled me out of it as well, prompting me to open my eyes.

“Mad.”

“Do not answer so bluntly. Speak. How are you?”

“I feel like I need to punch Nong in the face for everything he did. Not only for being an unfair asshole who ambushed me, but also for tricking me into believing he was actually willing to see my progress after one month. He lured me in for a one-sided smackdown just to fucking—FUCK!” I shouted before shooting up. Energy overflowed my body, making me feel like I could explode like a firework. “I also want to shout at Neill for taking the shitty provocation. That ragebaiter should have known better, but she got hooked, line, and sinker. Dumbass!”

“… Are you hungry?”

“Ravenous! I can eat a damn leviathan for all I care at this point!” I shouted before gently taking the bag he offered me. I pulled out some bowls of stir-fried noodles and meat stew before blowing fire underneath them to reheat. “Thank you, and let’s get to the sky. We can eat in the sky.”

“You’re having dinner with your father while flying towards the cave, all so you can shout at your sister?”

“Yeah? And?”

Father then let out a small “Huh,” before stroking his chin, looking at me with a raised brow as I began eating. His head started to nod lightly, before his mouth curved up a bit. “… Don’t tell me that you actually managed to break into the wrath step.”

“Nope! Nope! Nope! But I’m about to blow up because Hikari keeps yapping around like a hyperactive bird.”

‘Briiiiiiiiiiiahhhhhhhhhhh! Piepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepie, bird pie! That damn Nong! Fuck that birdbrain!’”

“Yes… and it seems it’s infecting you. Yet you’re… balancing that madness well, despite not having stepped forward into the mire. Singe your mind with the flame of battle, yet steel your mind beneath its raging violence. The beginning of your path towards [Battle Frenzy (Major)], or in your case, mastering it.” Father then pulled out the rest of the bowls with his floating scales before putting them back in his robe’s pocket. He then gestured towards the sky. “Well then, let us see how long you can maintain it. Certainly fascinating how well you are handling yourself, compared to the week-long torture you endured.”

Was the hyperactivity really the side effect of this training? It felt like a high, keeping my mind sharp and clear, as if I was celebrating the rejuvenating effects of a level up. Speaking of which, it has been too long since I felt it. Like a junkie off their meds, I was missing that feeling so much! I needed to level. I just needed that feeling again, even if it wasn’t the authentic one.

Driven by this wish, my scale-dust booster exploded as I zoomed through the air. I swallowed up my food with big gulps, barely giving it the respect they deserve by chewing and tasting it. I wanted something, and I would have it. Being unable to have it now, as I needed to return to the cave first, was making me impatient.

Ahah, this was my wrath. As Father said, there was no need to give it a definite form right now. Juggling around with my fleeting needs and wants was far more fun, and it kept me from falling into the rage-induced rampage Hikari wanted to perform right now.

Gosh, my miiiiiiiiiind was clear! I wanted to level. I wanted to train up my skills. I wanted to hunt down some monster! I wanted Grimnir to make me my damn suit of armor! I wanted an upgrade to my glaive! I wanted to make a giant damn airship with giant cannons, guns, and thrusters, all while shooting those giant lizard fish living in their giant puddle from the sky! Ratatatata!

But… these were all just fleeting wants and needs. Hah, now I understand what Father meant by passion and motivations. The answer I arrived at during my moment of enlightenment was that Hikari and I wanted to return to the time when we were the big, bad dragon at the end of an RPG’s story.

I haven’t felt like the last boss in ages now, purely ‘cause so many dragons were so much older and stronger than me. I felt like an actual whelp, with how I had to break my neck to look up at all of them.

That was the real passion, and I was angry that Nong confronted me on that. After all, as the last boss, I could do anything I wanted, from protecting those I cared for to bringing down the smack on my enemies. Yet, I couldn’t. I guess ever since I met Vifi, I’ve slowly transitioned into becoming an underdog, and that was beginning to frustrate me.

Those fleeting needs and wants fed into this passion of mine. The fact that I couldn’t have them now was making me angry, and that anger translated into a hyperactive attitude. Then again, it felt better than grinding my teeth and gnawing on my claws. Instead of wanting to break things, I wanted to get things done on my tempo. To hell with others!

As if I had activated a fast-forward button, my mind started working on autopilot until we arrived at the cave, where my focus returned. I saw everybody who joined me to beat up Neill charge out of the cave, and I registered some of their apologies and worry about me, but I didn’t mind it. I didn’t blame any of them. I’ve also gotten over Neill getting tricked. Instead, I looked behind them, noticing that only Taim, from all who were older than Ryra, was still around.

“All of them are trying to get their part of the plan done. Fargryneill, Ryranakus, and I will have to depart soon, as well,” Taim replied after I asked him where our siblings were, before noticing that I couldn’t keep tapping my feet on the ground. He then looked at the flames flying around me, raising a brow just as Father did. “[Battle Frenzy (Moderate)]?”

“Major, asshole,” I said, leaving Neill and Ryra flabbergasted, while Vifi whistled. “I saw you tapping your head. You said something to Nong, right?”

“Yes.”

“Did that ‘favor’ involve all of this?” I gestured at everybody around me who tried to help me with Nong. “I understand Nong doesn’t want me in this war, but it did feel like he got persuaded into dramatizing it in front of Father. It was you, right?”

“Yes.”

Blunt-ass strategists. Didn’t even blink.

The anger in my head subsided. “Why?”

“Because I have something I want, and I need to win a deal for that. So, good luck with your training, dear youngest.” Taim turned around, prompting me to grab his arm before he could dash away. That 45% stat boost from [Battle Frenzy (Major)] was keeping me restless and quick to act.

“Fuck you for that, but I think I get how you act by now. Keep your mouth shut. Dunno what you are planning, but it better come out nicely; otherwise I’ll give you what Nong gave me, and with interest, you hear?” I slapped his back, pushing him towards the cave while waving at him.

Yet, instead of reacting in anger, he tapped his forehead with a smile. “Sure, and it looks like I’ll probably win the deal.”

What the heck is his deal? As he left us in a cheerful mood, I gave him one last dismissive wave before turning to Neill and Ryra, letting out a deep sigh.

“… You mastered it?” Neill asked, causing me to curl my brows as I turned to look at Father, snickering to the side.

“No, look how she’s still slamming the ground with her tail. She left a trail of cut stone behind, look.” Ryra pointed at the disturbed earth, as if a whip had pounded it into gravel.

“Sure, but she’s holding it back far better than when Taim, Vifi, and I helped her with the training,” Neill added. “Honestly, it should—nah, forget it. Nongramos’s fault, right? Shit. Sorry.”

I clicked my tongue and slapped the air. “Heard you once. Heard it from everybody. Shay, Beth, Tasianna, please don’t give me that look. Grimnir, I can’t see it through your helmet, but the fact that you kept it on says enough. You’re probably sweating inside it, so just take it off.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Grimnir did as I asked, revealing, as I expected, a sweat-drenched face. His beard was soaked, making me worried he was dehydrated. So I asked Tasianna to get him something cold to drink before he fell unconscious.

“Didn’t even get a chance to show off anything,” Grimnir stated in the same tone Hikari told that to me.

“None of us did, and that asshole planned to embarrass us, so don’t put yourself down for that. Grimnir, Taim and Nong will probably take care of that airship idea. I know you want to jump on the idea, but I can’t have you leave me right now. I need you here, as my personal blacksmith.”

Hearing this, Grimnir perked his ears. “I still have to process that leviathan’s blood, though. Still taking time to make sure I got the Dhuinn runes’ circle properly planned before planning anything. What do you need me to do before then?”

“Obviously, my armor. Glaive, as well. In fact, get everybody an upgrade at this point. Vifi needs a new set of armor, instead of that brigandine. Shay and Beth need a full set of rhytilic. Tasianna needs a secondary catalyst, maybe. Rego and my fire wyvern retainers need some as well, even if they’ll be working in the back, if I stay there,” I said, feeling a bit annoyed to admit it. “Get Daichi back to the forge, instead of having him draw your runes. You guys can do it while getting the armor finished. Haruka can get some practice doing the mechanical weapons if Ellaine doesn’t appear. Get them to work, Grimnir.”

“You’re breathing fire today, lass, but I’m the same. Order accepted. I’ll get back to doing what I do best.”

I nodded. “Awesome. Tasianna, Shay, Beth, and Vifi, forget what happened just now and focus on the present. We got plenty of materials from that one week of hunting, so help Grimnir sort things out. If he needs anything, either buy it—use my funds from my share of the digital media guild—or acquire it. In fact, I’ll help out with the hunt because I can’t stand sitting around any longer! I’m leveling my unique Job!” I announced, earning me a swift acceptance from my friends. “Good. Which brings me to you guys.”

“Uuh, didn’t you hear? We have to leave soon,” Neill said.

“I know. This is about Nong,” I replied, leaving both of them perplexed. “Here is the thing: he poured his heart out to me about why he was doing all of this, and I noticed in his rambling that he was complaining about ‘not being prepared’ for a battle. Seems like something happened to really skew his perspective here, and not just now, but waaaaaaay before. The cracks were already there when he did his little obsessive detective work. Do you guys have any idea what caused that?”

“The Nongramos we met today is the same one I’ve known all my life, though he’s definitely a bit more aggressive than usual,” Neill said. “He stuck up for me during my childhood and made sure to show others not to mess with me, since it messes with the family, but that won’t stop every idiot. The age gap is too much, but… Big Bro, you and Nongramos almost share the same age difference as Hestia and I do.”

Ryra winced. “Well… he was twenty-two when I was born, so I’m sorry, but I can’t say much either. Nongramos was away on his pilgrimage even when I started mine when I became twenty-five. He came back to the empire before I did, and I only learned about his existence after I came back from a ten-year trip. I heard Nongramos came back when he was forty-nine, so his pilgrimage lasted for twenty-seven years. That’s all I really know. Just like you, Fargryneill, this is the Nongramos I’ve always known. Hestia, you should probably ask our other siblings, or—”

We turned to Father as he slowly walked over to us.

“It is his right to be the one to explain everything to you. I also do not know the full truth, but I can tell you that Nongramos did change a lot after his pilgrimage. Wendriosa had a similar metamorphosis, but none of your siblings took as long as Nongramos to complete their pilgrimage. Fargryneill, you were the fastest, for reference,” he answered. “If you ask me, Nongramos most likely made it to rank A, but decided to remain on Altrust for some reason. Which is his right. There, something might have happened that could have changed him.”

“Maybe something to do with the demonkin?” Vifi injected. “Just a feeling, really. He was pretty intense when we talked about the human-demon war.”

“Maybe.” Father nodded. “Hestia, Kargryxmor probably already told you this, but I always knew your brother had lied when he gave his report after his return. I didn’t mean to approach it since, as his father, I did not wish to reopen a wound he tried to keep hidden. Twenty-nine years might not be much for us older dragonkin, but when you’re still a fledgling, even a single year might feel like an eternity. Even more when you spend it with short-lived species like humans. Their sense of time and scale of the world will become yours as you travel with them.”

Nong, you know what I also want? I want to know about your past. That lie I told you I would respect? Not any longer. You beat me up; now I’ll get you to spill it.

“Cool. Then, Neill, when you make it back to your mom, could you ask Empress-Mother Virrflax if she’s willing to talk? Meeting place is Frozen Nest before the digital media guild, and in… five days? Please?” I said, before staring at the view on top of the mountain cavern. Such a beautiful sight, despite all that happened today.

Your turn, Hikari. Have some fun while I take over, I said before letting Hikari take control of our body, before being assaulted by a body-twisting anger. Images flashed before me. Eshe and Akasht, both lying before me as corpses. A blood pool started rising as the heads of my friends started surfacing. Tasianna, Shay, Beth, Vifi, Rhekk, and so many more.

… You had to deal with a lot, Hikari.

‘Yeah… I’ll enjoy my break, so do your best. Keep that anger at bay.’

… Good luck to me, as well.